I had grown up. In my fundamentalist heritage, separation is the
belief that to maintain doctrinal purity, those who became apostate
and fall away from the fundamental faith had to be shunned. This
is called primary separation. Secondary separation takes this belief
a step further, requiring that those who don’t practice primary
separation have to be separated from as well. On both counts, I knew
I would be judged as guilty and apostate. When we left, speaking
engagements were cancelled, friendships were ended, and support
was withdrawn.

I tried to laugh this off, but in reality, it stung deeply. I didn’t
understand how friends could so misunderstand my heart and
so easily assign bad motives to our efforts. I had thought that my
friendships were deeper than doctrinal differences, but it turned
out they weren’t. For the first time in my life, I felt alone, exposed,
and abandoned.

(Source: Fundamorphosis, Robb Ryerse, Page 24)

After leaving UBF, I find that psychology has much to help to offer. The following media summarizes what has been very helpful to me, to unbind my mind and find the freedom and grace and love Jesus promised.

Helpful movies:
– “Mars Needs Moms”
– “The Hunger Games”
– “Good”
– “Downfall”
– “Amen”
– “Tangled”
– “Wrecked”
– “The Lorax”
– “Monsters Inc.”
– “Megamind”
– “Despicable Me”
– “The Shunning”
– “Astro Boy”

My favorite blogger these days:
http://paradigmshift-jmac.blogspot.com/2012/05/what-if-entire-fellowship-believed-that.html

A helpful documentary about Bonhoeffer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJpkVI2ZlMY

The story of Charles Spurgeon, the prince of preachers:
(converted while the normal pastor was snowed in!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlvK0EUn6u0

This week I had several online discussions with various people, in and out of UBF. Based on those discussions, I am prompted to write today’s article.  I want to address a sad and serious issue that has been ignored for decades– suicides. Either the claims below are extremely elaborate hoaxes, or they are true. They simply cannot be casual lies; the reports of suicides of UBF members are something that needs discussion.

As I said, leaving UBF can mess up your mind. The silence from those who you once called shepherd and pastor is maddening. The confusion caused by your former mentors asking whether you have an “evil spirit” is soul-wrecking. The insistence of well-meaning Christians outside of UBF that former members “reconcile and forgive” is gut wrenching.

I blog in hopes to be a source of understanding, healing and reconciliation for former members of UBF. Sometimes I feel like a doctor in a battle field! I and my family are being healed and have found a healthy Christian church. But not everyone fares so well.

Here are some reports of at least six suicides that have happened to UBF people, both in the US and in Germany. If anyone has further details or would like to clarify or share, feel free to comment here or contact me.

Scripture urges compassion, kindness and love. Yet the attitude displayed by UBF leaders in regard to these suicides is baffling.

1 Corinthians 8:12 “When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.”

Here is a report from an ex-member in Heidelburg:

“Then something tragical happened. A UBF shepherd from my chapter had commited suicide. I had known him a little bit and had lived for some time together with him in UBF “common life.” Therefore I went to his funeral, together with D (who had been his shepherd) and one or 2 other UBF members.”
http://www.voy.com/60734/10/7203.html

Here is a description for 4 suicides in Germany:

“I would not go so far to say that UBF caused all these suicides and depressions. But I would say that UBF is not equipped to help such people and often aggravates these problems, because UBF shepherds don’t have any education in Biblical couseling or psychology and try to “help” people by pressing them into the mold of a UBF shepherd. It may work in 1% of the cases, but for the 99% where the mold does not fit, it is desastrous.”
http://www.voy.com/60734/4/9200.html

James Kim’s letter mentions some suicides in the US:
(Note: I knew James Kim and his wife Rebeka B. Kim)

“D. Lee announced in one of the Chicago meetings that missionary J. Shim was demonstrating to him so that she could pressure him to solve her marriage problem. He boasted that he would not barge even one inch by such an act. His attitude was almost scoffing at her. How can one individual scoff at another when one was struggling with the matter of hope and despair related with one’s life and death? Just before her suicide, she met with D. Lee and had a big argument with him. People could hear her yelling from the outside of the office of D. Lee on the top of her voice like this: “You are the one who ruined my life.” When she finally committed suicide, how was his response? Again it was 100% M. J. Shim’s sin and only the Great Shepherd, D. Lee suffered endlessly in helping this stubborn and sinful woman. Because Chicago UBF refused to serve her funeral, a Korean church performed the ceremony. I don’t see any mercy of God here, but heartlessness and escaping the responsibility of a fallen man.”
http://rsqubf.info/documents/reform/2001_jameskim/

Joe C.’s testmonies, regarding what happened in Chicago:

I won’t post any excerpts from Joe C.’s reports. My heart is too burdened and too sorrowful to read these accounts again. Reading them once is enough. So I will let readers here read at their own caution: http://exubfjc.wordpress.com/?s=suicide

Jesus’ compassion

We can build any kind of spiritual heritage or empire if we work hard enough… But to be like Jesus we need compassion for people. I dedicate today’s post for all those who struggle with the trauma of leaving elitist, ultra-control groups.

Mark 1:41  Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!”

The documents describing the three reform movements are posted in an earlier entry. UBF started in 1961. The three “R-Group” movements were in 1976, 1989 and 2000. So the attempts to reform UBF have lasted 35 years.

Recently I came to know that my leaving UBF was part of a rather large exodus of members and long-time (10+ years) leaders around the world. In the past, the reform attempts were led by Korean missionaries, many of whom formed a new ministry called CMI (Campus Mission International).

The movement in 2011 is lead by “natives” (Americans, Indians, Russians, etc.). Very few Koreans are involved this time.

Today I declare that this 2011 movement is the “Independence Movement of 2011”. We are the “I-Group” people. We are not rebellious. We are not poisonous. We are no longer interested in reform. We are tired of waiting for even a drop of change.

We are people who have decided to leave UBF for the sake of freedom. We tried to agree-to-disagree and to humbly reform things from the inside. But we have concluded that this is not possible, given the current structure of UBF, the absolute power and authority given to Korean directors, the stubborn rejection of open, honest discussion by UBF elders and the refusal of UBF elders to even acknowledge any kind of problem.

Therefore, we declare our separation from UBF in order to submit to the Holy Spirit, to obey Scripture’s teachings, to find our Gifts and put them to use in our Lord’s service, to seek the unity Apostle Paul spoke of, to let the things built by man to fall to the ground and to pursue the things of God with a passionate love for grace, truth, faith, hope and love for our King Jesus, our High Priest, in whom is all authority and power.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

I posted earlier about the fear of UBF leaders who found an old article on the internet and got UBF people to remove it.

I found the full article recently, and am posting it here. This article is obviously negative and obviously written by someone not in UBF. But it is filled with issues UBF leaders must address if they want to find God’s healing and slow down the exodus of people from UBF. Attempts to remove such material from the internet only breeds fear and suspicion.

Those who would claim to be full of God’s love should be openly discussing these issues and working to bring about actual changes so that leaders are held accountable.

————————————–
Here is a link to the original article:

Urban Dictionary: UBF entry

University Bible Fellowship. Evangelical Korean-American church, headquartered in Chicago and Seoul with chapters in all major cities around the world.

UBF targets “lost” undergraduates to turn them into future UBF-proselytizers . College students who are lonely, depressed or in trouble may be attracted by UBF warm welcome, their Christian faith, and supportive UBF community. A new-comer to UBF is called “sheep” who is usually at a troubled period of their lives and can be easily molded into UBF ideology, as he or she gets “social” and “spiritual help” from the group that seems to understand his or her life problems.

UBF members are are expected to follow the hierarchical Korean Confucionism traditions as well as very conservative Christian values. After about a year or two of attending most UBF meetings and performing some UBF activities and acknowledging to the group how his or her life is better than in the dark day they joined UBF because they are now a saved born-again Christian, the new-comer is now called a “Shepherd” or “Shepherdess”.

Most “sheep” leave after a couple of months after learning about the closed-mindedness the group. Other people may stay in order not to hurt the feelings of the their UBF “shepherds” who gave them too much attention. For “shepherds”, strict obedience to the values of the group is expected. Among the very conservative rules of UBF are strictly forbidden dating, very time-demanding UBF activities (missing a meeting, for example, is not an option), life style and dressing style that are also closely monitored by the group.

At UBF — given the no-dating policy — marriage is considered a prize offered by a UBF leader to faithful UBF single “Shepherds” or “Shepherdesses”. UBF members are expected to marry exclusively to other members of the group and only to those indicated by the leaders of UBF . Since there is a “no dating” policy, the maximum freedom a member has is to “decline” or “accept” the offer. Declining a partner is considered desobidience and lack of faith, since this UBF form of marriage is often described as “marriage by faith”. Partners do not have a chance to see if they are compatible with each other and in extreme cases do not even speak a common language. Most couples obey their leaders and accept the arranged marriage — that happens within a very short time to make sure they do not date before the wedding. The new couple is called a “House-Church” and reports to a UBF leader, that sometimes also decides on private matters.

Many house-churches dedicate their lives as volunteers to proselytize for UBF . They live a simple life near a major campus and invite students to their homes for Bible-study meetings and even perform worship services on Sundays. And This perpetuates the UBF cycle.
Typical approach near a major campus:
“Do you wanna study the Bible?”
“What? Where are you from?”
“We are from UBF …”

My purpose is not to stir up controversy or generate division. My purpose is to “weave a new fabric”. I want to untwist the flawed theology I’ve learned over the past two decades. I want to document facts and events as I remember them, and even as new events happen. I want to expose, to explain and to examine my life. Above all, I desire to submit to the Holy Spirit. I want to seek, listen and obey the promptings of the Spirit. My Christian life is now suddenly a joyful journey! For many years, my Christian life was a burdened duty, filled with guilt and ambition.

Along this journey, I have discovered things that convince me UBF is a cult. But this does not mean I think everything in UBF is (or was) invalid. Some things in UBF continue to be valid. Finding salvation, my marriage, my friendships: these are all valid. Our move to Detroit was only partially valid. In any case, I am blogging for validity. As I learn and read from many sources, I can see the Bible’s teachings more and more clearly. I should think I will continue to find some things in my life to be valid, and others to be invalid. This blog is my expression of this journey.

Another purpose God has put on my heart is accountability. Who would dare attempt to hold Korean UBF missionaries accountable? Quite a few have tried, but were portrayed as “rebels” or “unGodly”. Those who tried to reform UBF and hold leaders there accountable were far more ambitious than I ever will be. I am like a small guppy swimming in a tank of sharks and whales! Who can hold leaders accountable? God can. My blogging here is to speak the words people in UBF are afraid or unwilling to speak; to ask the tough questions no one in UBF wants asked. All this I do in love and hope and in prayer that the dark side of UBF may be transformed and made into a vessel useful to God. My blogging is dedicated to honoring Jesus above all else, even if it means “eating crow”.

I am convinced that reform is not possible in UBF. Some UBF chapters are broken vessels, splintered and fragmented beyond repair. There have been 3 reform movements in UBF history (1976, 1989 and 2000). UBF chapters can no longer “just repent”. They need to re-invent, re-tool and re-build. Some chapters are doing this: Waterloo UBF in Canada, Westloop UBF in Chicago, Eau Claire UBF in Wisconsin and Penn State UBF Church in Pennsylvania are examples of men and women of God who are being transformed out of a cult-like organization and into a true, Spirit-led, life-giving church. I highly respect the men leading these UBF chapters. I point them out today as a reminder that UBF has been used by God in the past, and can again be used by God today, and into the future. It is possible to find the unity Scripture speaks of. It is possible to be truly and joyfully united in our Lord Jesus. But it requires submission to the Spirit, admission that you need help and a fervent struggle before God Himself.

A quick search finds two more verses in Scripture that mention love covering wrongs and offenses:

Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” (NIV)

Proverbs 17:9 “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” (NIV)

Because these verses do warn about bringing up matters of sin and wrongdoings repeatedly, I will not keep discussing specific sins of other people on this blog. However, I have no regret over revealing various wrongdoings the first time. Scripture does implore us to refrain from repeated regurgitations of the same sins. But Scripture does not implore us to “cover up every sin and never talk about past problems”. I see no evidence that Scripture wants us to prevent sins from being exposed. Nor do I see any evidence in Scripture that I am only allowed to speak in positive terms in regard to God’s servants or toward other people.

UBF has a rather dangerous (in my opinion) and undocumented interpretation of the verses above. When you become a leader in UBF or if you express concern over a leader’s sin or if you even question whether a leader did something wrong, you quickly discover this unwritten teaching called “covering over sin”.

This covering principle is very important to UBF leaders (especially the Korean missionaries). The teaching really should be documented as one of UBF’s major doctrines. The UBF teaching goes beyond what Scripture intended, and teaches that we must always present UBF and God’s servants in a positive light, even if the leaders made serious mistakes. The teaching goes even further, teaching that no one should say anything negative about UBF or leaders in UBF, because “love covers over a multitude of sins”. The teaching also includes a clause that allows a leader to say all kinds of negative things about people who left UBF, or about a Bible student who is disobedient.

In order to get the correct teaching and see through the duplicity of the UBF teaching, we need to “go back to the Bible”. Scripture does indeed call for balance when dealing with sins. Leaders who teach the Bible are indeed worthy of “double honor”. We are directed by Scripture to avoid gossip (Proverbs 11:13, Proverbs 16:28, 2 Corinthians 12:20). We need to be cautious about repeatedly raising mistakes leaders in the church have made.

At the same time, leaders who sin are to be reproved before everyone with the testimony of two or three witnesses. “17 The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. 18 For Scripture says, ‘Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain,’ and ‘The worker deserves his wages.’ 19 Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. 20 But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. 21 I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.” (1 Timothy 5:17-21 NIV)

Scripture clearly implores us to walk in the light. The verses that warn against stirring up conflict do not negate these verses, for example: “6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:6-8 NIV)

I am looking to Proverbs and many other passages in Scripture to find the Lord’s wisdom. I pray that this wisdom may guide and correct me as I work with a few friends, seek and follow the Spirit’s promptings, and embark on a massive project to explain, expose and examine the UBF belief system, both the documented and undocumented teachings.

“1 Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring.

2 Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth;
an outsider, and not your own lips.

3 Stone is heavy and sand a burden,
but a fool’s provocation is heavier than both.

4 Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming,
but who can stand before jealousy?

5 Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.

6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

Proverbs 27:1-6 (NIV)

Please read all of Proverbs 27. this is one of my favorite Proverbs passages! Especially verse 14: “If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.”

To most people, these words probably are just taken for granted. Many may dismiss the words as just another Christian cliche. But to me, they reverberated with joy through my soul! While I have known the truth of these words for decades, it is very refreshing to actually read them!

Some people wonder, does anyone care? Others wonder, do I matter to anyone? Let’s remember to say and write these words: God cares. God thinks you make a difference. Our Lord God created this vast universe, but only one of you. Each of us is irreplaceable.

The interesting part of the plot to me was the presentation of obedience vs. love. The Martians were a society lead by an Asian-looking female Martian dictator. They separated boys and girls at birth, keeping males and females apart their entire lives. The female-only society hated expressions of color and free-form art, while the male underground society thrived on such things.

The female society on Mars created robots to raise the girls from birth. The robots obeyed perfectly, but could not raise the children properly. So they looked to earth, searching for mom’s who could control their children through obedience. Those moms who taught obedience the best were brought back to Mars to control the Martian female children.

In the end this was a beautiful movie about the triumph of love over obedience and necessity of love in human society.