Why do ubf shepherds continually rejoice at the fellowship table while “sheep” feel the pain of excessive manipulation and control of their lives?

Mark 7:28 “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “but even the dogs under the table eat the children’s crumbs.”

Why do ubf shepherds continue to encourage people to leave the ministry when they have problems or voice concerns?

Jeremiah 23:1-2 1 “Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of my pasture!” declares the LORD. 2 Therefore this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says to the shepherds who tend my people: “Because you have scattered my flock and driven them away and have not bestowed care on them, I will bestow punishment on you for the evil you have done,” declares the LORD.

Ezekiel 34:1-10 1 The word of the LORD came to me: 2 “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? 3 You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. 4 You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. 5 So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. 6 My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them. 7 “‘Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: 8 As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, because my flock lacks a shepherd and so has been plundered and has become food for all the wild animals, and because my shepherds did not search for my flock but cared for themselves rather than for my flock, 9 therefore, O shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: 10 This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock. I will remove them from tending the flock so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouths, and it will no longer be food for them.

Receiving two threats via a Christmas card and a voicemail this December make me feel like this.

The illusion never turned into something real.

10 Years Ago

In January 2002, Samuel Chang-Woo Lee (co-founder of UBF) died in a fire in Chicago. After that, I felt the need to be a public witness to UBF ministry, and to take a stand against the “r-group” criticisms.

I soon realized however that I didn’t know what I was doing. My “testimony” here flip-flopped as I had to constantly adjust my words to be “just right”. I knew just enough about certain events that I could not dismiss them entirely. I ended up attempting to reconcile facts with honoring Lee and UBF.

My Repentance – Publicly

In the process, I ended up pouring salt on the wounds of many former UBF members. This website became one of the enablers that helped justify UBF leaders and their extreme, authoritative actions.

For example, I didn’t even realize the 3rd major reform movement had just taken place, in 2001. As I argued against critics and defended UBF, I found that the critics were making more and more sense of the strange experiences I had in UBF. Even as I worked with Sarah Barry and other Chicago UBF people to remove criticism from the UBF entry in Wikipedia, I could not deny my need to repent– repent of my lack of compassion for people who left UBF, repent of my covering up sins of leaders when they should be exposed, and repent of claiming such things were God’s work.

Website Snapshots

Here is a look back at some snapshots, courtesy of the Wayback Time machine.

2002 – My first plans. When I first setup my own website and email address, I was thinking mainly of sharing the Bible and some things I had learned. But I wasn’t quite sure how to present the material. Mainly, I just wanted to tell the world that I support UBF and was a “priestly nation”. I was also trying to work out God’s plan for my family. Would we be missionaries to Russia? Would we go out as a UBF house church?

2003 – Pictures and Weddings.  At first I didn’t have much to publish and wasn’t really sure what to do with a website. And I was so busy with UBF activities, I didn’t have much time. So I started publishing pictures.

2004 – Defending UBF.  After going out as a house church in 2003 to Detroit, I suddenly had a lot more time. The UBF lifestyle when from 30 to 40 hours per week, on top of a full-time job plus family and school, down to 1 hour on Sunday.  In reality, I left UBF at this time. But my mind kept the KOPHN fantasy going. I spent hours and hours, day and night, arguing with “r-group” people online and trying to defend the religious system I had already devoted my life to.

2007 – Defending UBF, again. As time passed, we were left alone in Detroit. Life got hard; really, really hard. We experienced hell in Detroit. My website became an outlet where I could express the beauty I longed for as my faith entered a “dark night of soul”.

2011 – Hoping for better things. In 2009 I read the public letters from James and Rebekah Kim about the “1990 incident”. In 2010 I watched the Passion of Christ movie. I suddenly realized I could no longer defend UBF. I could no longer pretend to live in a KOPHN fantasy. I had to face the facts of reality. In January 2011, I decided to be a “man of integrity” and be “salt and light” for Jesus. These events restored my faith. I began removing all of my UBF defense material from this website. I hoped UBF could change, get better, or at least acknowledge facts about our reality…