Is sorry puppy always supposed to be sorry?

This blog post discusses the phenomena of feeling the need to constantly apologize for one’s existence. It’s when “repentance” goes overboard.

Scenario I:”You always say, ‘I’m sorry.'”

I had only been talking to him for a couple hours and he was already psychoanalyzing me. Despite the brevity of exposure, his insight into my character was uncanny. After he made that statement I tried semi-successfully weeding out those two words from my vocabulary. Since then I have continued to make an effort to stop apologizing incessantly.

Scenario II:”If you care about what people think about you stand on the right side of the room.”

And there I was, the lone participant in the survey on the right side of the room. The next question was something along the lines of “would you do something that needed to be done, even if others didn’t like you for it?” And again I shared my overwhelming desire to be liked and accepted. When the surveyor asked me why I was on the right side I answered, ‘Maybe it’s because I’m Asian and this is the way I was brought up.’ What I meant was I was always taught to obey and concede, even when I didn’t like it. Speaking up for myself was disobedience and disobedience was a sin punishable by Hell. Therefore, I must always obey. I interpreted that in my mind as I must always do what others want. I backed it up with Bible verses such as, “deny yourself,” “take up your cross,” “consider others better than yourself,” “to give is better than to receive,” etc. Somehow in my faulty exegesis I considered offending others as one of the ultimate sins.

Scenario II: Today’s ESL Class

Fast forward to today. During class, I was sweating bullets because some of my students were whipping through the material I had prepared at lightening speed and they looked bored, while other students were taking their sweet time like tortoises on a leisurely stroll. There I was stranded because I could not please all my students. Each one of my students has a different expectation of me and the fear of not meeting their expectations is what keeps me up at night. It also makes me hate the job that I initially had valued and enjoyed so much. And this scene of struggling with multi level learners has been repeating itself for my whole teaching career. This has been the toughest aspect of teaching, learning that I cannot please everyone.

If you ever taught, you know what it’s like to have constraints. You have your directors who need good test scores. And then you have parents who also desire results (or if you teach adults like I do, you have expectations for jobs and a higher salary.) And finally you have the actual students sitting in your class who have their own preferences and learning styles. In a classroom with 20 students there are so many variables for learning; this transforms the teacher, in a sense, to a juggler attempting to find the magic elixir that once imbibed will give the student the ability to have English flow from their lips as water from a faucet. I put a lot of pressure on myself for my students to succeed and it kills me. Not only that, but the old school I taught at put the blame for any failure of the student solely on the shoulders of the teacher. In the classroom, however, my spineless posture of attempting to save everyone gets me (and my students) no where.

“Get over yourself, MJ.”

Those are the words I said to myself after class today. After the 105 minutes of teaching responsibility were up I realized my fear of letting people down is not sustainable. I cannot cater my class to what my students want. I have to decide what my objectives are, how my students will reach them and how I will assess them on it. I have to make a plan backed up by my own reasons and stick with it. Then when my students disagree, which is inevitable (someone always disagrees), I have explanations. I have a degree in education and experience. I am the expert in the classroom. Yet for some reason I had been conditioned to think that owning up to my ability to teach was pride.

Ultimately it is my class and I make the rules. I do not do this out of the desire to control and dictate, but out of practicality. Nothing can be done and no goals can be reached if I’m constantly second guessing every decision I make.

I’m going to be honest, my personality is riddled with insecurity. I have always compared myself to my classmates and siblings. Am I as accomplished as them? Am I as smart? Am I as pretty? Am I as liked? Not only that, but I have always thought that to think anything positively about myself or any personal virtues was sinful because it stemmed from pride, the number one sin. But life cannot be lived like this. I am tired of being afraid and unsure all the time.

The passive-aggressive spectrum    

I don’t know if you can tell from reading this article, but I am very passive, to the point of passive aggression. In my mind I had somehow come to the conclusion that the way to respond as a Christian and a woman in any and every situation was passively. Now, thankfully I’m learning that the passive response is not the only response. I can be assertive, which means I am direct with my expectations and needs.

I am entitled to preferences and expectations. Before I viewed my role as a teacher/victim. Meaning, I have to jump through the hoops that others have set before me, but that is false. I am a person, just as my students and directors are. I am a human being and I have a voice, and I will use it unapologetically.

What are some lessons that you have learned about disobedience or humility? Do you constantly apologize even for things that are not your fault? Have you experienced a posture of constant apology to the point that it eventually became a hindrance? Do you struggle with speaking in an assertive way, which is neither passive nor aggressive?

“Many times being right is the same as being wrong.”

Acknowledgement that you do not monopolize the truth
This blog is a response to Joe’s excellent article about healthy communities. I particularly liked point #3:
“A third sign of healthy community is acknowledgment that the group’s distinctive views and values are not always right, and that in the final analysis, maintaining these distinctive is less important than learning how to love.”

Talking to those who have been burned by the church, I have noticed a pattern. People have been trampled on/ignored/ostracized/threatened because they did not agree with the doctrine of the church on an issue such as: evangelism, sexual orientation, racial issues, etc. Every time I hear a story of someone mistreated because they didn’t agree with their Pastor, it shocks me. I honestly don’t understand how that is a representation of God’s unconditional love and acceptance. I don’t understand why the church’s love always comes with strings attached. It’s as if the church has a “terms of use” page that is full of fine print, i.e. you can’t watch this show, you can’t read this author, you can’t associate yourself with those people, you can’ts do yoga etc. And years later people will take that terms of use and shove it in your face.

The difference between big “T” truth and little “t” truth 

You may say, “But MJ, it sounds like you don’t believe in objective truth. Do you believe that no one is wrong? Does that mean no one is right?”

Huffington Post

BK recently submitted an article about Trump and Evangelicals. And it made a lot of sense. But what doesn’t make sense is how much media coverage Trump is getting. He pretty much is the laughing stock of the nations. How is it that a beauty pageant organizer/reality tv star/real estate agent is running for US president? He has no political experience. And yet he has gotten so far in running. Like BK said it’s because he’s all about money and that’s what people value most.

Moreover as Chris accurately diagnosed, Trump is a populist politician. There have been many in every country like Le Pen and Zhirinovsky. This is all true and yet, Trump is the one we choose to talk about. I shamefully confess that out of all the presidential candidates, I’ve read the most about Trump. Our society, myself included, chooses sensation over sense.

$85 Million Net Worth

There is another certain American celebrity who get way more media coverage than she deserves. Her net worth is $85 million. What does she contribute to society? Absolutely nothing, except pictures of her behind that break the internet. I am not even going to write her name here because I don’t feel it’s worth any attention. She does squelch and yet she walks into a restaurant and it’s worth increases astronomically overnight.This is because she works the system. She knows what people value: sensation over sense.

The Sexy Life Syndrome

I’ve been thinking about this phenomena and I’ve coined it the “Sexy Life Syndrome.” I got the idea after reading the first chapter of Ramit Sethi’s book, I will teach you to be Rich. At the beginning of his book he asks, would you rather be rich or sexy? People want the sexy life of risky investments and get rich quick plans. People desire the sensational stories of rags to riches overnight. This is the allure of gambling and lottery tickets.

But Sethi’s argument is that getting rich is about making boring and safe financial decisions and sticking with them consistently for 30 years. Budgeting isn’t sexy, but it get’s results. Our society values the “sexy life,” but not the consistent “raise the children/trade in the sports car for the mini van” life.

Media and Society

Now, I feel there is a need for me to preface my view point. There are always brimstone and fire preachers who warn us of the impending doom coming to our depraved Sodom and Gomorrah-esque society. I’m talking about the ones who say, “In my day we never did what the young kids nowadays are doing…” I never understand people who talk like that. I guess that people remember only what they want to remember. (As if there was a time period in human history where there was no sin).

Anyway, my point is not that our society is messed up beyond repair. My opinion is quite the opposite. We do have a society that values sensation over sense. Yes, our society is largely reactionary. And yes, our emotions are constantly hijacked, especially with the onslaught of the internet and ridiculous stories. Admittedly, media portrays what society values. (Presidential Candidates show what Americans want i.e. money). Media is a mirror of our Society, but Society also controls Media.

I don’t think consumers, the lay man sitting on his couch watching tv after work, realizes his power. Media runs on public ratings, and if people value things worth valuing like: acts of kindness and peace making policies (and politicians who are actually contributing positively) media would change.I’m not naive about what’s going on in the world (believe me I’ve seen a lot of ugly in my life) and I’m not a proponent of hiding your head in the sand or sweeping dirt under the carpet.

But what I do suggest is shedding light on Presidential Candidates who are doing something. Or focusing on Christian leaders who are building up the Church. Don’t let your time, energy and life be sucked into the black hole of sensational stories i.e. fb, youtube clips, pinterest, theological debates that never end, etc. (Ok, that’s enough preaching).

The Thermometer versus the Thermos

The sensible life is possible, but it takes intention and discipline. My mother once told me about the difference between being a cultural thermometer or a thermos. A thermometer reads the temperature. A thermos determines the temperature. Thermometers are passive. Thermoses are active. It’s your choice.

You decide: sensation or sense.

Do you notice a lot of sensation in the media? Do you think there are stories that need to be told, but are not told? Who are the unsung heroes in your immediate circle? What does it mean to be a cultural thermometer to you? Are there any Presidential candidates you think positively of?

Chapel with David Choi

In Chapel at Moody, we had a quest speaker, David Choi, from the church of the Beloved. One point in his sermon stuck out to me. He said, “We’re all trying to find security… We’re trying desperately to find validation in our identities.” He shared all the masks that he had worn throughout his life. Growing up as a Korean, he struggled academically to please his father. He always got A’s, but it was never good enough. Then he moved to a boarding school in the Midwest where everyone was smarter than him, so he tried to be the athletic and funny class clown. Then he went to Wheaton where everyone was a spiritual leader and president of their respective Bible Clubs, so he led a youth group. Then he went to seminary in Boston where he again wanted to fit in and show off. It was a never ending game of charades.

My masks

As he was sharing, I couldn’t stop my head form nodding. I know what it’s like to wear a mask, to become a social chameleon so that others would accept me. So often my desire for validation and approval dictates how I spend my time, money and energy, what I blog about or post on facebook. It determines my job and educational degrees. To this day I am still trying to prove my worth to the middle school bullies who made fun of me and ignored me, a decade and a half ago. I put on the smart/tough/able/invincible MJ mask, but it is exhausting and ultimately the only one receiving approval is the mask. This is the conundrum of approval; the more one seeks it, the less likely one will gain it. It is a never ending vicious cycle that is apparent in some of the most beautiful and successful people of the world. There are fashion models who never accept that they are beautiful and keep trying harder and harder to gain that ever elusive sense of worth. Approval is a drug that never satisfies and continually keeps one begging for more and more.

There’s a quote that Dr. Ben shared from Anne Lamott and I thought it was an accurate depiction of humanity. “Everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, and scared, even the people who seem to have it more or less together. They are much more like you than you would believe. So try not to compare your insides to their outsides.” No one is exempt; some are better at hiding it than others.

But how does one gain approval? By not needing it.

One characteristic I highly admire is fearlessness. When I hear the word “fearless,” one person I think of is Frida Kahlo. As an artist her style was daring and unique. No one else painted like her and no one else dressed like her, but that did not matter to her. She expressed what she felt and in the end that is what gained the approval of others.

Another example comes from business. Often business owners try to cater to every type of customer. For example, a photographer will say that he does weddings, babies, nature, animals, etc. But once he tries to cater to everyone, he actually is catering to no one. It is a better for a business owner to narrow down his customers and focus on a few. I read somewhere that the difference between an artist and a politician is that an artist focuses on the few that appreciate their work, while a politician focuses on the majority that dislikes him. Artists/Writers/Musicians express what they feel needs to be said, not necessarily that which will gain them popularity.

Ultimate Approval has already been given

Of course ultimately as Christians, we know our source of approval.

“Before the foundations of the world, He loved you. Before the fall of Eden, He loved you. Before He sent His Son splitting through the cosmos to this world, He loved you. Before He died upon the cross, He loved you. When He rose again, He loved you. And He’s coming back again because He loves you. When you took your first breath, He loved you. When you messed up bad, He loved you. When you made good grades, He loved you. When you won and when you lost, He loved you.” -Jennifer Dukes Lee

David Choi finished his sermon by sharing our true identity; it is the identity that never changes, no matter how much we mess up. We are sons and daughters of the Most High King. God did not/does not begrudginly save us. He was not there watching us saying, “Oh, I hope he doesn’t get saved.  Darn, looks like I’ll have to let that one into heaven.” Quite the contrary, God wants to be with us more than we could ever want that for ourselves. He wants his children close to him.

I love Galatians because in chapter 3:2,3 St. Paul gets sarcastic. He says,

“I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?”

He calls them foolish. How could they be saved by faith and then all of sudden think it was their actions that could save or unsave them? That’s nonsense, but it’s something we Christians always think subconsciously. We think, “Uh oh, God’s not going to like me anymore.” However, later in chapter 5 Paul says, “It is for freedom that you have been set free.” We were not freed from sin to enter another bondage of sin management or the vicious cycle of seeking approval. God has already given us the stamp of his approval.

You are a child of the Most High King

One of the saddest thing for me to see is passion-less Christians.  I know often I personally forget my identity and let doubt and bitterness seep in.  Shame and guilt are so familiar that I go back to negative thinking and the hamster cage of trying to earn others’ approval. I also try to gain God’s approval even though it is only by Christ that I am approved, not by any works. I constantly need reminders of who I am in Christ. I constantly need to speak truth to myself and others. I constantly need to be reminded of the gospel.

I am a Princess of the Most High King and so are you (or Prince).

Do you wear masks? How do you try to gain approval from those around you? Has there ever been a time when fear dictated your actions? How do you see your identity in Christ? How do you remember your true identity?

So in August ubfriends started a book club. The book was A Fellowship of Differents by Scot Mcknight. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, good choice Joe! There is so much to write about from it, but I would like to share only my favorite part of the whole book here. On page 139 it says, “If some said, you must be kosher to eat with us, Jesus said, eat with me and I will make you kosher.” There, that’s it. This is my favorite line in the whole book.

The Third Way

In this chapter McKnight is talking about loving  members of the LGBTQA community in the church. Traditionally, there are two approaches towards the LGBTQA community: affirming or non-affirming but here McKnight offers a third way. He asks the reader,

“What can we learn of the cruciform life in fellowship with those who experience and suffer from same-sex attraction? Our posture cannot be one of pity; it must be one of mutual fellowship in the cross and resurrection of Christ, the kind of fellowship where we minister to one another (pg. 139).”

This is an approach of mutual fellowship, communion. Communion is about coming together around the same table and doing life together no matter what your sexual orientation is. Christ brings us together. Christ breaks down all barriers.

Two Principles of the Third Way

The author continues to describe the third way. He states its main pillars.  First it is the progressive nature of our own growth in redemption. And second, it is the importance of the local church as the context for that growth.

Life is a journey and so are our lives of faith. It never stops. We are always growing and so we must be committed to each other’s growth in redemption. Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Sometimes people don’t want you to carry their burdens. Sometimes people never say thank you or appreciate you for carrying their burdens. My point is carrying a burden is never easy. Burdens are heavy, but this is what we are called to do. According to Galatians it is the law of Christ.

And secondly, the local church is vital. This point is not exclusive from the first because it is in the local church we see the progressive nature of our growth. The church is meant to be a fellowship of differents. McKnight calls the church, “God’s grand social experiment.” This safe environment of acceptance and love is where growth can happen. Growth comes from fellowship.

Christ’s Example

If you haven’t read the book this is the thesis right here. The author’s point is that the church is a fellowship of differents (hence the title). This means we look different, talk different, vote different, work different, smell different, etc., but we are still in communion with each other. Christ makes us one. Christ never imposes the stipulation that we must act, think, speak, like him before he accepts us. Christ accepts us as we are. He invites the non-kosher Gentiles to the table and through fellowship with him, the Gentiles become transformed. This is the only way towards growth/healing/transformation- communion with Christ and each other. It’s so beautiful; this is grace. May the church be a room of grace.

Do you agree or disagree? How has your experience in the church been? Have you seen the room of grace lived out in a community? Do you see fellowships of differents around you? Did you read the book? What was your reaction?

Additional Resources:

Brene Brown on Empathy

This clip depicts fellowship that brings about healing.

Cynicism- doubt resulting from ignorance and antiquated ways.” (1)

You were wrong

Recently, I had a difficult conversation with a friend about a misunderstanding. At the end of the conversation, he casually mentioned something along the lines of, “Wow, I had initially come to this meeting thinking that you were completely wrong, but now I see that I was also in the wrong too.” Well, that just burst my bubble and made me want to rehash the whole misunderstanding again (because it obviously was not resolved.) Yet, I held my tongue. Actually, I had been dreading the whole confrontation because when he had called me earlier about the issue, I knew from the way he phrased his words that he was sure I was wrong. He didn’t want to talk; he wanted to point out all the ways that he was right and I was wrong.

Criticism versus Cynicism 

I will admit he was right to a certain extent. (It was basically just a big misunderstanding of two decisions that I had made. He thought they were mistakes because he didn’t know the whole story.) But what ticked me off is that he wanted to meet to solely show my error. He had come with a pre-conceived agenda/idea. (Basically, I had been weighed on the scale and had been found wanting.) That, however, is not how criticism works; that’s how cynicism works. Cynicism is when one reacts out of “ignorance and old ways.” A cynic enters the conversation with a pre conceived presuppositions. Actually there are a lot of overlaps between a critique and a cynic. They may say the same things and highlight the same issues, but a cynic, to me, is anyone who already has his mind made up. He has his judgement before facing the jury. A cynic to me is one who already knows the verdict without interacting with the evidence. Cynicism is everywhere and pride/superiority is at its root.

Thankfully, after a lot of talking and a third person moderating, my friend (at the beginning) finally saw that what he had perceived as being rude and inconsiderate on my part were actually legitimate decisions I had made because he did not know the full story. He came as a cynic but left as a critic.

Cynicism versus Authenticity

In an article by Relevant entitled, Faith and the New Golden Age of Late Night TV (2) the author mentions the revolution in late night TV. He talks about the demise of Jon Stewart, Letterman, Leno and Conan. When talking about Stewart he said,

“After more than a decade on the air, he’d become a jaded insider… who often made his audience less hopeful and more angry. There were times in his final months where he no longer seemed like the funny kid at the back of the class keeping the teachers on their toes; he was now the one with a front row seat to a broken system that he realized he couldn’t fix. He seemed defeated.”

Cynicism is different from criticism and inquisitiveness. Do not misunderstand. I am not endorsing spinelessness/silence when you are prompted to speak. Neither am I saying that those who post on ubfriends are cynics.

I am writing this to point out the subtle distinction between  cynicism and criticism. My argument is against the kind of thinking that says, “I am right and everyone else is wrong.” How many times have you entered a conversation with the idea that your conversant is completely wrong and dumb? I know I have done that many times and I have been (un)pleasantly surprised. I also have been in many conversations where I was on the receiving end of a cynic. I have had to deal with those who instead of hearing my story or listening to me came to simply castigate. Instead of seeking authenticity, HOTness as Dr. Ben loves to say, cynics seek to judge/condemn. One type of criticism comes from love, while the other from a place of superiority. (Btw, it’s very obvious when one of the two thinks they are better than the other.)

A Cynic Surprised

There are two sides of this cynical coin. The relevant article finishes with this quote,

“Christianity with an edge has a price. On one end of the spectrum are leaders, thinkers and bloggers who are so concerned about preserving their own cultural values that they encourage boycotts, cultivate outrage and make Christianity into a hostile cultural force. On the other end are leaders, thinkers and bloggers who have become so fed up with influential Christian institutions, they’ve become cynical, jaded and outraged—albeit for different reasons.”

I write this not to point out that anyone is a cynic. I write this because I personally recently discovered the difference between cynicism and criticism. I want to be honest, open and transparent. I want to be authentic. I don’t want to sweep dirt under the carpet (that’s been done for the last few decades and look at the fruit it has reaped…) And yet, I also don’t want to be judgmental or condemning. I don’t want to jump to conclusions about anyone whether they are in UBF or not, whether they’re Christian or not, whether they’re heterosexual or not, Pentecostal or not, etc.

Furthermore, after writing my last article They want Christians, not Christ (3) I was pleasantly surprised. When I went back to class my Christian classmates were not as judgmental as I thought they would be, but they were intentional about being authentic. As Joe said in a comment on here, authentic community is possible, but it takes intentionality (I think he also said time and commitment.) I have a feeling that God put me in the school where I study surrounded by Christians, so that I would learn to love the Church again. It’s a hard lesson, but may I seek authenticity and not cynicism.

• http://brandinfluencegroup.com/blog/criticism-vs-cynicism/
• http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/faith-and-new-golden-age-late-night-tv
• http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/08/22/they-want-christ-not-christians/

Going back to Seminary produces mixed feelings in me. Seminary has been so crucial to my spiritual growth this past year, but the school that I study at is also very conservative. I have to look a certain way (even in the gym there is a dress code), think a certain way (premillennial dispensational), and hold certain political/social views (usually conservative republican). Basically I have to toe the party line and keep the status quo. This is not a necessarily bad thing, it’s a part of being in a community. In the church the “we” is bigger than the “me.” This means that I have to be extra careful in the way I dress, speak, write, blog, etc. Often I have to remain silent on topics that mean so much to me. I have to be careful with the discussions I have with my classmates, I don’t want to pick fights. My prayer is to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. (Please do not misunderstand, I love my school, but I don’t agree with everything. In this post, my goal is not cynicism, but authenticity).

Recently I was talking to a friend who four years ago had been accepted to my school. She was given a free ride and also the option of living off of campus (something that usually never happens,) but she refused. As we were talking, the reason why she refused unraveled. As I shared my love for my school, community and professors, my words resonated with her when I began to talk about the rigidity. It was because of the school’s rigidity, ultimately, that she decided not to study there (I think at that time dancing and any alcohol whatsoever was prohibited, even for professors. I’m not sure if it’s still prohibited).

After that conversation I was riding my bike contemplating our words and Gandhi’s idea of “loving Christ, but not Christians.” And I realized that Christians can come across as nitpicky and ultra-sensitive. Their love can be perceived as conditional because it is only given if you dress, think, vote or write like them. I think this might be one of the reasons why Gandhi felt the way he did toward Christians. (Actually when he was in South Africa he did meet Christians, but he was turned off by their exclusivity. Gandhi was greatly influenced by Christ and he lived out Christ’s words through nonviolence, but he did not like Christians, pretty ironic).

And yet just because a majority of Christians are judgmental, does not mean all Christians are. For example, if Bob judges Jane for the way she dresses and Bob is a Christian, does that mean that all Christians will judge women based on dress code? (Hopefully not).  The problem, however, isn’t Christ, but Bob; the problem isn’t the message, but the messenger. People see Christians and think Christianity is hogwash that creates judgmental bigots and two-faced hypocrites. But that is not true, Jesus Christ embraced all types of people and he sternly rebuked hypocrisy. He taught us to love our enemies, that leaders must serve and that forgiveness is crucial. If people knew the beauty of Christ, it would rock their world. Jesus is the embodiment of both grace and truth and God is love.

The problem is not Christ, the problem is me, the person, the interpreter, the communicator. We often have screwed up pictures of the Bible, gospel, God and the church. Then we impose our personal interpretations on those around us. This causes excruciating pain and broken relationships, which fly in the face of the greatest commandment Jesus gave us in Matthew 22:36-40,

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Do Gandhi’s words resonate with you? Have you been hurt by Christians? What has your experience with Christians been like?

Change your words; change your worth

In an earlier article, I mentioned how language dictates reality In this article I will talk about how words change worth. The other day, I was watching a clip about Adam Braun the author of “The Promise of a Pencil.” His book describes his personal journey of starting a “for purpose” business that has opened 200 schools around the world, and he started with only $25. In the book he says, “Change your words, change your worth.” This is why he uses the phrase “for purpose business” instead of “nonprofit.”

For Purpose Business

Once Braun was casually conversing with a business man. It was very engaging until the end of the conversation when the man asked, “So…what do you do?” Once Braun said, “I run a nonprofit…” the man zoned out and lost interest. At that moment, Braun realized that the word nonprofit was not benefiting his cause. He realized he needed to create a new term because no one describes their business/product with a “non.”   For example, no one calls a car company a “non aviation company.” Therefore, he coined the term for purpose business. We say what we are. Just as Mother Theresa would not identify with an anti-war demonstration, but she would participate in a pro-peace rally.

I’m not anti-ubf; I’m pro-Church (big C)

There has been pushback on this blog because of accusations that those who submit articles here only “bash” ubf and try to tear it down. As if the only discussion here is about how bad UBF is. One person asked, “Why is Dr. Ben still in UBF if he complains about it on ubfriends?” I’d like to counter that notion by saying that ubfriends is not anti-ubf. Quite the contrary there is discussion on this forum from both those inside UBF and outside UBF. UBF does not define a person. For example, I am associated with UBF, that’s where I go on Sundays, but my allegiance is not to UBF. My allegiance is to Christ first and foremost. I write not to destroy UBF. It doesn’t matter to me whether one stays or leaves. What matters to me is if one is growing closer to Christ or not. (And growing in Christ can take place outside of UBF.) Furthermore, it is possible to critique one’s church and still love it; it is a critique of love, not malice.

The Church (big C) is much bigger than the organization founded in the 60’s by SL and MB. The church is the entity mentioned in Daniel 2:44-45,

“In the time of those kings, the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be destroyed, nor will it be left to another people. It will crush all those kingdoms and bring them to an end, but it will itself endure forever.  This is the meaning of the vision of the rock cut out of a mountain, but not by human hands—a rock that broke the iron, the bronze, the clay, the silver and the gold to pieces.a stone was cut from a mountain by no human hand.”

The Church is God’s social experiment that began 2000 years ago and spans over time, space, culture, ideologies, etc. The Church is the living body of Christ in Asia, Africa, Europe, the US and even within you and me (Luke 17:21). It is much bigger than UBF. What a privilege to be a part of the body of Christ.

To conclude

Choose your words wisely. As M. Theresa said, “As soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” She wouldn’t go to an anti-war demonstration, but she would attend a pro-peace rally. Personally, as a vegetarian, I am not anti-meat; I’m pro-broccoli. (I live in a house of meat-eaters). And as a closet feminist, I am not anti-men, I’m pro-women. I will spend my time and energy encouraging women to use their voices and speak up. Do not be defined by what you are not, but by what you are.

Are there any words, that you need to change? Are there any negative messages that others tell you or that you tell yourself? How can you make them positive? Comment Below. Share your story.

― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life

It’s not what you do but how you do it

I’m a vegan. I don’t eat meat or dairy 98% of the time. Sometimes, I eat a little bacon if I really crave it or have milk in my coffee every other blue moon. But for the most part I don’t. And a lot of people have given me flack about it. They ask:

“Where do you get your protein?

Isn’t that unhealthy?

Won’t you wither up and die?

God told Peter to kill and eat all the animals.”

It’s as if, once I share my dietary habits everyone gets defensive about theirs. But everyone has a right to choose how they eat. I’m not writing this to persuade everyone to become vegan, but to say that veganism is also a viable health option.

Let me preface this by saying there is a threshold of health. For example, don’t eat mayonnaise all day or smoke a pack all day. There are basic health practices that should be met, eat your veggies, fruit, exercise, sleep well, get sun, etc. But on the topic of specific daily nutrition there are various opinions from all carbs, to no carbs, to all fruit, to no fruit, to no meat to paleo (which recommends a lot of meat). I can find healthy people who are not vegan and I can find people who are vegan, but only eat potato chips, french fries and oreos (which are vegan.) So the deciding factor is not whether to eat meat or not. The question is not to eat nuts or not. A  panda eats bamboo all day and they’re fat; cows eat grass all day and they are huge. (The problem is they don’t exercise.) Basically I write this long intro about health to say: It’s not what you eat; it’s how you eat. And this is applicable to life. It’s not about what you do, but how you do it.

The importance of the subjective 

I love Kierkegaard’s advice at the top of the page “do it or do not do it; you will regret both.” Kierkegaard also says something along the lines of, “Decision and action are motivated by values, not by facts. No fact by itself can motivate and action. A fact can be the pretrext for action only in the context of values.”

This is something I often wonder about. There is a huge gap between knowledge and action. We all know Diabetes 2 is diet-controlled. We know that cookie or that ciagarette is bad for us, but we still do it. We know that guy is not good for us and that getting $40,000 in debt for school with a degree that does not guarantee a job is not good. We know what we should do. We should sleep earlier, eat less, go on fb less, read more, walk more, exercise more, etc. But we don’t do those things. We know about the starving children but knowing about them is not enough to get one off one’s lazy behind to do something (even though it only takes 2 clicks of a mouse to donate to very trustworthy institutions.) Because ultimately these facts about what we should do are only a pretext for action in the context of values. This is where values come along. One of my old Pastors use to always emphasize “a change in the value system.” As Kirkegaard says, “decision and action are motivated by values, not by facts.”

Value Conflicts and Assumptions

Early I wrote an article entitled Question Everything where I briefly shared about value conflicts and assumptions in gun control. Now I will talk about it using the analogy of veganism. There are many reasons to be vegan, it is cheaper, better for the environment, healthier (The China Study), ethically less chickens and piglets die, etc. But there are also reasons not to be vegan such as, awkward social encounters, discomfort of learning how to cook vegetables, it might be more expensive in the beginning as you get to learn how to cook vegan, etc. Basically the conflict is between well being of self/environment versus self-comfort. You have to change your life style to become vegan, which is always difficult. But if you value health and the environment more than your individual comfort you will make the choice to become vegan. (I’m making value assumptions here, if you see it you can critique me int he comment section.)

The Existential

Honestly every decision boils down to the subjective, not the what, but the how.  We each have our own existential (learned from experience) reasons. There are objective reasons, but those are not the same fore everybody. Actually I wanted to write an article about this because I felt there was an emphasis on the what on this forum i.e. you went to the Midwest Summer Bible Conference, that means you are brain washed and not thinking. It seems similar to the flip side of you don’t do daily bread or write testimonies or one-to one’s? Then you are not a good Christian. (When people hear I go to WL the first thing they ask is, “Do they do Bible Studies?” How is that even a question? What church does not read/study the Bible? That question is loaded; it implies that there is a certain way to do Bible Studies and other ways are not valid.)

Anyways, I blabber on to say that in the end it doesn’t matter what you do. Whether you go to MSBC or eat meat/drink milk or don’t do church activities or go vegan. One is not defined but one’s (in)actions. Someone once phrased the gospel this way: in the world your position is determined by your practice, i.e. you are only a writer if you are published. In the gospel your practice is determined by your position, i.e. you are a writer, so you write. Kierkegaard also writes about this and says, “in a significant sense, you are your values since your selfhood is the wellspring of your actions.” If you truly believe God is good, your actions will show. If you believe He is not good, your actions will show that too. So why do we focus so much on the outer actions and essentialize others i.e. she talks to boys, she’s a flirt, she reads ubfriends she hates ubf, she does yoga, she’s not a Christian, etc.

To conclude

As I said before I’m not trying to guilt trip everyone to eat a certain way, but I’m trying to bring attention to the importance of not what we do per se, but how we do things. Let’s not essentialize others based on their actions, where they go on Sunday (or where they don’t go). What church activities they interact with or don’t interact with. This doesn’t mean to be apathetic about everything; it means to be okay with people being different or you yourself being the different one. People always give me flack for trying to be vegan and million other things I do, but I have my reasons. They don’t always make sense to others though.

Do you agree that it’s not what you do but how you do it? Have you been essentialized for doing something? What value conflicts do you see in your life i.e. loyalty-honesty, freedom of speech-security, tradition-novelty, individual responsibility-collective responsibilty ?

Additional Resources

Value Conflicts and Assumptions for Critical Reading

Luke 9: 25

“What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?”

Desmond Tutu once said: “The church is meant to be a failing community”

“Follow me” are the most repeated words that Jesus ever said. It’s worth noting that Jesus’ most repeated command was not an imperative to a specific action (pray 5 times a day or recite a mantra) but an invitation to a relationship, “Follow me” means “come to me.” In this article my purpose is to answer the question: why would anyone ever want to be a Christian?

In order to answer that we must first define “Christian.” A Christian is a follower of Jesus Christ, someone who lives as Jesus Christ lived. How did Jesus Christ lived? He lived radically counter-culturally. My least favorite Bible verse is the one where it says, “But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” And a close second is, “Forgive us as we have forgiven our debtors.” Jesus’ life was a life of tears. On his way to Jerusalem in Luke he weeps bitterly for the people saying, “If only you knew.” Jesus Christ lived a life of love that ultimately got him killed. The Beatitudes talk about the blessing of meekness and persecution. In Jesus’ economy those are valued. Jesus lived the life of a vagabond with out any earthly treasures. He often went without food or sleep and not only that, but he did not claim any ownership on His own life. He only did what his Father told him. Christianity can be summed up in 3 words: humility, humility and humility. Jesus promises a life of persecution, isolation, poverty and hunger, so I reiterate my question why would anyone ever want to be a Christian? And another question quite similar is, “why would anyone ever want to have kids?”

In order to answer this question fully we must consider the alternatives. If Jesus is not my Christ then who is? What hit me in the message by Dan Bokenfield was his question: have you ever lied? We are all liars and we are all untrustworthy. Am I a better Christ than Jesus could be?

I am not a better Christ. I cannot be my own savior. Looking back on my life I find many reasons why I am the way I am. First, when I was 14 my family and I were uprooted from the US and replanted in Ukraine, a developing country. I learned from an early age that friends forget you and are not there for you. Living as an expat, I’ve had to say goodbye to so many friends that my heart has been hardened by it. Secondly, when I was 18, I was literally shipped off to Turkey. My family took a cruise from Ukraine to Turkey and left me in a country where I only knew 4 people and not a word of the language. I remember begging them not to leave me; I was only 18. And thirdly, after that I was part of church that was not very healthy and was in a couple of abusive relationships. Basically, in my life I’ve learned that everyone lets me down, my friends and even my loving family who are limited by time and distance. Even the authors and philosophers that I read turn out to be crazy and racist. Growing up and realizing this early on has caused me to depend on myself and trust no one. This often seeps into my relationship with Christ.

Words like “submission” and “self-denial” are very unpleasant for me. I am afraid of losing my identity. I fear losing control over my plans. My plans to travel the world, spreading light and love and focusing solely on my own comfort and enjoyment. I am afraid of submitting my future into God’s hands because I don’t want my life to be boring and lackluster. So why would I ever desire to be a Christian?

The only possible answer is love. I am madly in love with Jesus Christ. I have never met anyone like him. All the other men I’ve met have been proud and arrogant and let me down, but Jesus has never let me down and never will. I love him to the point where I will reconcile myself with someone I despise because I don’t want that argument to get in the way of my relationship with Jesus. Jesus is the only one who has never let me down these past 26 years and he’s the only one that’s been by my side. He is the only one who puts up with my tears and complaints and fears and ingratitude.

This quote from Dorothy Sayers describes Jesus pretty well:

“Perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. They had never known a man like this Man there never has been such another. A prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, never flattered or coaxed or patronised; who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them either as “The women, God help us!” or “The ladies, God bless them!”; who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously; who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no axe to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unselfconscious.” 

From Steve Stasinos message the examples of John Newton and Nate Saint showed that following Jesus is not a one time thing; it is iterative. Also, in this passage Luke 9, it says to pick up one’s cross daily. This means it is a life long decision for these next possible 80 or 54 years left on earth. This is really hard. The Lord knows how I struggle with anger, bitterness and unforgiveness. I constantly pray for God to give me sweetness so that instead of seeking revenge I seek to bless those who have slapped me (metaphorically).

My prayer this summer has been not to put anything on my plate that God has not put there. I am a planner and on the Martha/Mary scale I am a Martha, super type A and dictorial because I don’t want to miss out on anything in life. I feel like I have to prove that I’m smart and justify my existence (I think this stems from some bullying/insecurities in grade school).

But chasing after my own glory is tiring and consuming and ultimately futile because I am only one person and honestly my sphere of influence is so small. And as one member in our group Bible study aptly noted we are probably never ever going to be as famous as Taylor Swift. So why am I seeking world fame?

I really am coming to grips with reality that my plans for my life are so petty. This life I have is a gift and I don’t know what to do with it. They say you don’t really own something until you are willing to lose it. I love my life and that is the exact reason why I want to put it in JC’s hands because I love and trust him and know that life is too precious a thing to waste.

To conclude, after looking at the evidence and seeing that I’m only 26 and make a lot of stupid mistakes and say a lot of stupid things that hurt people. It would be best to give up any claim on my life. I don’t have any plans for my life, but JC can take dirty water and make it into sweet wine. He can take a demon-possessed man and adulterous woman and change them into his messengers. My idea to make a name for myself is so small and petty and doesn’t even benefit anyone. So in light of the argument I would ask another question: why would anyone ever not be a Christian? What is the better alternative? To hold on to my bitterness and live a life seeking revenge? Or is it to live a life to please the 5 senses? Do I want to focus on money so I can eat better food or pleasure so that my body can feel good. Or just find a nice guy and move out to suburbia and raise some kids? What else is out there?

Why are you a Christian? Why are you not a Christian? What do Jesus’ words ‘follow me’ mean to you? Do you agree with my definitions of ‘Christian’ and ‘follow me’? Did you go to MSBC 2015? If so, what did you learn?

A Chinese protestor blocks a line of tanks heading east on Beijing’s Changan Blvd. June 5, 1989 in front of the Beijing Hotel. The man, calling for an end to the violence and bloodshed against pro-democracy demonstrators at Tiananmen Square, was pulled away by bystanders, and the tanks continued on their way.

Before you read this article please watch this clip. This is one of my favorite clips of all time: Tank Man Raw Footage

If you do not know who this man is, he is known as the tank man and the event is the protest of Tiananmen Square June 5, 1989 (the year I was born, an auspicious year!)

Every time I watch this footage or look at the clip I get chills. Yet this man remains unknown to this day. He disappeared into the crowds shortly after his “moment of self-transcendence.” Not only is this man’s identity a mystery, but so are the details of the event itself, the student protest of Tiananmen Square. The Chinese government has never disclosed the actual number of deaths. The Chinese government wants to play it off as if it never happened. They will not acknowledge that they were wrong while the students were right. Read the TIME’s 1989 cover story: here

This brings me to the point of this article stated in the sub-title: language defines reality. The one who tells the story controls the narrative. This has been repeated over and over again in history. Let me give some examples.

Armenian Genocide

I did my undergrad in Turkey. There, we were required to take a class on Turkish History. The professor was exceptional, except for one thing; she was in denial about the Armenian genocide (1915-1918; estimated deaths 1.5 million) . She taught that 1 million Armenians simply died from the difficult trek across Turkey. Even when I asked my class mates about this event, they had no opinion on it. It just didn’t happen or the fact that it happened or not did not matter to them.

Holodomor

I also lived in Ukraine for 6 years. Everyone knows about the Holocaust (1938-1945) where 6 million Jews were killed and 5 million non-Jews. But what about the artificial famine in Ukraine (1932-1933) were 7 million Ukrainians were starved to death, not because of a lack of food but because of a ruthless decree? The world did not know about it and foreign correspondents who knew kept quiet. Even today so many people don’t know about it. Watch a trailer on it: here.

Injustice like this continues to happen today. When I was in Ukraine this time last year a Malaysian airliner was shot down.

“Russia, however, denied all allegations it supplied weaponry to the rebels and has instead suggested a Ukrainian military plane had flown within firing range of the airliner just before it came down. The Ukrainian government rejected the claims.”

If Russia did not supply the weaponry, who did? It is obvious that Ukraine lacks the military artillery to bring down a plane. Moreover, that week Ukrainian planes had been shot down, so are they saying that Ukrainians are shooting their own planes? Not only that but when Media blames the “Pro-Russian Separatists” Who do you think is funding the pro-Russians? Think about it.

Anyway I write this article not so that all those reading will think the same way that I do, but so that those reading will see how language dictates reality. Communist governments have taken advantage of this. Look at North Korea, they indoctrinate their people with the idea that they are the best, that they live in plenty and that the outside world is their enemy. Their reality is spoon fed to them by their government.

The same thing happens here in the US. Everyone eats up what the media gives them. The problem is not a lack of education or resources, but a lack of interest. Ray Bradbury said, “You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.” My plea for those who read this is to get educated on the Armenian Genocide, Holodomor, Darfur , Arab-Israeli Conflict, Tiananmen Square, etc. Do not just eat up everything on tv. Do that brave tank man justice and hear his story. Do not let the government rob him of his identity a second time.

I want to finish with a quote from Azar Nafisi:

“I want to remind you of what Nabokov wrote when he was asked to tone down his criticism of the Soviet Union during World War II: ‘Governments come and go, only the trace of genius remains.’ That statement certainly came true for Eastern Europe. When you tell your own story, you take control over reality. In Iran, reality had power over us. And one way of negating that control was by telling our own stories. When you tell your story from your own perspective, then those people lose their power. It’s like Scheherazade, in A Thousand and One Nights. She changed the King through telling the story, and that was the whole idea of my book.”

What are your reactions to this article? Have you heard about the Tiananmen Square Masssacre, the Armenian Genocide, Holodomor or the Malaysian Airliner shot down July 2014 before? Do you agree that language determines reality? What is the story that you will share with the world? Do you  Question Everything?

Additional Reading:

5 Things You Should Know About the Tiananmen Square Massacre

Before we began our lecture we read a chapter from James KA Smith’s book, “Desiring the Kingdom: Worship, Worldview and Cultural Formation.” In the first chapter, “Homo Liturgicus” Smith proposes that first and foremost humans are lovers, not thinkers and believers. There is a huge gap between our knowledge and our actions. Most of our lives are live out of habit, on auto pilot. And our habits are the fulcrums of our love.

Walking down Michigan Avenue, one will see the gods of capitalism and consumerism held in their temples of Gucci, Jimmy Choo and Apple Stores. We discussed the question of whether America is a Christian nation. And even more importantly is there such thing as a Christian nation? We talked about the cross in the US being painted red, white and blue. We discussed the art on the White House. In particular there is the “Progress of Civilization” by Thomas Crawford on display in the pediment over the east entrance to the Senate Wing of the US Capitol http://www.aoc.gov/capitol-hill/other-sculpture/progress-civilization-pediment.

In the center it shows the figure of America an eagle and the sun. On the left, one sees the progress of the white man from a child, to merchant, to soldier, to mechanic. On the right, however, it portrays an Indian chief, mother and child and finally an Indian grave. When you assess the art work of the white house you will see who/what is valued, what race is glorified. Nationalism in any form is inherently racism because it implies that one race deserves the power. Innocent blood is always shed for a nation to be formed; read the history of the US, Turkey, Israel, etc.

One of my pet peeves is a myopic view of US history. It’s as if people think the civil rights movement ended in the 60’s and it’s a topic that need not be opened anymore. Someone yesterday was pestering me with statistics proving the greater likelihood of being shot by a black man as opposed to a white man. As if being black means one is more likely to be trigger happy and jail prone. As if white/asian people would have never succumbed to violence if the tables had been switched historically.

Read a comic about racial privilege here: http://digitalsynopsis.com/inspiration/privileged-kids-on-a-plate-pencilsword-toby-morris/ People forget how slaves were beaten and mutilated for running away. Or the fact that the US is so rich because it was built on the backs of slaves (free labour). Or the fact that buses and restaurants were still segregated in the 50’s and 60’s.

Read more about racism in the US today here: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/28/opinion/nicholas-kristof-is-everyone-a-little-bit-racist.html?_r=0.

Of course, I’m not saying that there is no such thing as personal responsibility of sin or that if you’re black you’re automatically innocent of any wrong because of the past injustices in US history. I am not saying all white people are evil or that they never are on the receiving end of injustice.

What I am saying is that “white privilege” is an academic term describing phenomena that does exist empirically. I still remember how my friend told me, when her family were driving a rented car in southern Illinois they were stopped and held at gun point because the police thought they stole the car. When people talk about “white privilege” don’t take it personally and be offended. Racism nowadays exists but it has become internalized. People aren’t even aware of their racist tendencies and that is what makes it all the more threatening. There is no hope for resolution if there is only denial of any wrong doing.

These are the thoughts that have been running though my head especially on the 4th. I am a US citizen and my heart soars whenever I read the preamble to the declaration of independence:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,  that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

But I would add that these rights are not unique to only a certain color or even just to Americans, but to every human, every race, tribe, language, etc. I want to finish this with a quote by Azar Nafisi, an Iranian.

“Have I made it clear enough that people, no matter where they come from, all like to be free? That freedom is not a Western idea? There was one more thing about that myth the myth of America, that I wanted to mention. The way some people talk about so called Muslim societies as if they are sort of trapped by what they call culture and religion, and there is no way that they can change. But this is a double standard, because we should remember that in the West, in the mid-nineteenth century, women did not have the right to vote, that there were many people in the U.S. and Europe who were saying that a woman’s place was in her home, and that the Bible says so. America has a history of slavery until the late 1950’s and early 1960’s the buses and restaurants were segregated and a lot of blood was shed in order for African Americans to gain equality. And the arguments that were used against women and against abolition are the same kind of arguments that are now used against change in relation to women’s rights in Muslim majority countries. Because, if Sharia laws are Muslim culture, then slavery and burning witches in Salem are the culture of this country, not Emerson and Thoreau and Martin Luther King. And the Inquisition is the culture of Europe, not St. Thomas Aquinas or Dante or Cortes. People should understand that we have our Hafez and Rumi and great poets and great philosophers, and that we also have a set of traditions that are regressive and oppressive and need to be changed (Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran, pg 368).”

What is your view of US history? What is your view of “white privilege”?

Additional Resource:

This is a lecture by a Moody Professor Dr. Michael Mcduffee entitled, “White Privelege: A Sacred Legacy of America’s Civil Religion.” The power point presentation is also on the link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cl_edM2gaeQ

“Nearly all the wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves.” – John Calvin

“When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him?”- Psalm 8:3,4

Intercultural Ministry is inevitable; yet we make the choice of embracing it or ignoring it. No two humans are alike, even those from the same “culture.” We are all unique in our own ways, therefore it is critical to learn how to do intercultural ministry, whether in seminary or not.

The definition of my personal theology of intercultural ministry is the process of striving to know God and mankind and the application of this knowledge. As the author in Psalm 8 states, God is the one who created the heavens, moon and stars, but who is man that God pays attention to him? God is the one who shakes the earth and parts the Red Sea. He is the Holiest of Holies. He is the Alpha and the Omega. He has always been. All mankind is contingent to Him and yet he loves man.  He is the One who sent His Son into the world to be murdered and sacrificed for us, for me.

As we learn more about God, we see how fallen man is. Romans 3:10,11, “”There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.” We see how completely depraved man is and yet how valued man is in the eyes of God through the blood of Jesus, even to the degree that God loves His only begotten Son. John 17:23, “that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.” This is a mystery. My heart resonates with the psalmist as he asks, “What is man that you are mindful of him?” This is the question at the heart of intercultural ministry, what is man ontologically? Who is God? And why does God who loves man so? How does this knowledge affect our lives?

What I learned in the course

Through this course, I picked up tools on how to interact interculturally and think critically. Here are a few of them:

1. De-essentializtion – A person is more than their socio-economic status, gender, sexual orientation, religions, etc. For example, people who write about slums are, more often than not, people who do not live in slums, so the literature about slums is not a complete representation of slum dwellers. Often they are essentialized as poor and pitiful. We must hear more than one side of the story.
2. Intentionality -While we were presenting our final projects this is a topic that came up over and over again. When doing intercultural ministry mistakes are bound to happen. For example, it is almost impossible to translate a worship service into the native language of everyone present, but having translators available and approachable simply as an option would be kind and considerate. Also, having signs translated into every language necessary is not possible, but at least English, Spanish and Chinese would be helpful (depending on your demographics).
3. Local Sages – Often there are certain members of the congregation who are never called on to preach a sermon. But they have gone through the test of time and have so much wisdom to share. These are the people I should seek for wisdom and insight.
4. Metaphors – There are seemingly harmless words like white, black, human capital, volcanic anger, etc. and when we use them they may imply things that we never intended. It is necessary to use our words carefully, respectfully and with love towards those we are addressing or referring to.
5. Lenses – We all come to the table wearing many lenses whether they be existential, social, psychological, political, economical, etc. Often times our beliefs are results of the country we live in and the time period we are in. As Christians, God’s opinion should have first place in our hearts, minds and lives. Thus we should be aware of the lenses we wear and make an effort to remove them.
6. Flip the Narrative, Embrace Diversity – This means to open up the conversation. When discussing issues of race, make sure there are different races represented. For example, when talking about “white privilege” do not simply ask people who all look the same
7. Pray for milkshakes – While Prof A shared about his life, I learned things about prayer I did not know before. I learned that every decision is a theological one, even the decision to buy a weekly $2.30 Mcdonalds milkshake. (My prof shared about how he would pray about whether to spend money weekly on milkshakes or not). Honestly, for me, prayer sometimes seems tiresome, exhausting, and time-consuming. But through this course and other courses I am learning how liberating prayer is because it implies that every single part of my life matters. Also, I am not a good steward of my life. I have only been around for 26 years; God has much more wisdom than me. I want God to have the monopoly over my life.  Even now, I am so confused with what I am doing at seminary or why I am here. But I want to take it one day at a time, one semester at a time, just as Prof A prayed when he drove by Mcdonald’s. Sometimes the Lord said yes and sometimes the Lord said no. May the Lord teach me to listen to Him in all my decisions whether big or small.

Ways this course was helpful

“Humans don’t want to hear about the depth of human depravity.”

This course was so uncomfortable because we were forced to come face to face with difficult questions. For example, why are children allowed to suffer? Or ISIS allowed to exist? Why do we spend so much money on coffee? And why do we not notice when thousands of people are dying around us? Why do we spend time and money in seminary when so many people need Him outside the walls of Moody? Is there a better gospel?  I needed to ask these questions. I need to be shaken out of my bubble where my biggest dilemma is deciding whether to get Indian or Chinese food for dinner or what to watch on netflix. I live a charmed life. I cannot deny it. It is like a living version of the Hunger Games and I live in the capital. I’m glad that in this class I could be reminded of that. Every week, Prof A would survey the room and comment on how wealthy we are. This was helpful because it brought me back to reality.

It seems like this was a morbid class, but it wasn’t completely. I saw hope through this class. The honesty was refreshing because healing cannot be done until we diagnose the state we are in. There is a huge idol in US churches and it’s green; it’s money. But we are not powerless before it. We don’t have to hate and criticize American culture or wait to be shipped off to a foreign country for our real ministry to start. The US is ripe for harvest; we are plump and overfed. And God is mercifully opening our eyes to this.

Another point Prof A often shared is that “ministry is everywhere.” It is even in my neighborhood elderly home. There are so many refugees and unreached people in Chicago right now. They are inside their homes waiting for someone to minister to them. I can start right now. This was very encouraging to me.

And finally, through our discussions I began to love Jesus more. I began to see that He was not one to cut people short or give simple reduced answers. He is someone who could see so much more in a person than the human eye can. He is someone who wept over people. He was someone completely unpredictable. My human mind cannot wrap around the fact that God destroys and punishes but he does it lovingly with tears in his eyes. This is an impossible combination according to the opinion of my overly tolerant and affirmative culture. How can Jesus bear both grace and truth uncompromisingly?

Jesus loved people; and His love was evident to those he loved. He wants our submission, but he does not demand it. After our discussions I often thought where would Jesus be if he came back to Chicago in 2015? What neighborhood would he be living in? How would he spend his time? What would He be doing? And this gives me insight into how I should be living my life and spending my time.

I also learned about the jealousy of God the Father, especially because we memorized Zephaniah 1:8, 3:8. God is not only the God who answers our prayers and sends rainbows. He is a God who has emotions such as wrath, anger and jealousy. It really reminded me of Aslan in Narnia. He was not safe, but He was good. And yet in Zephaniah 3:17, it talks about a God who takes great delight in my, quiets me with his love and exults over me with loud singing. Our God is a complex God whose depth and breadth cannot be explained even if we had all eternity. Through this course I learned more insights into the heart of man and the heart of God.

Anyways, hearing all these warnings makes me wonder: why do they say those things? Why do they not want me to dialogue with certain people or read certain articles? And thus I decided that I am going to write an article to discuss: a.) the reasons why people tell me not to visit this forum and b.) the reasons why I go to this forum.

You should not read ubfriends

1.) Basically it’s the argument of, “it’s a waste of time.” Many have told me, “if there are issues they should be discussed face to face, not over the internet.” But this implies that the role of ubfriends is to solve the issues of UBF. If that’s what you think the purpose of this site is, I have news for you: that’s not what the role of this site is. The only one who can solve the issues is God himself. Moreover, we could have a whole discussion on what a “waste of time is,” but that’s for a different article.

2.) “BrianK and Ben Toh are a bad influence.” I have heard this many a time and I am sure that they have too. But I learn a lot from them and they are people who make me think. We have different views, but my goal in life is not to surround myself with clones of myself and only talk to those who make me feel comfortable. There’s no challenge or growth in that. One author I read took a management course at Oxford and in one lecture they were told, “Talk to people you really respect- even if they disagree with you. These people will help you make better decisions because they will present you with possibilities you might not agree with, but which might be right.” I lived in a country that is 99% non-Christian. Did it cause me to lose my faith? (If you believe that faith can be lost, another topic for a different article.) Nope. Do I want to be sheltered from contradictory worldviews? Nope.

3.) “Don’t be a cynic.” People who have told me not to frequent ubfriends come from both sides of the spectrum. One side is from those who don’t want me to comment on this site because they know I comment about them and the other side with those who care for my spiritual and emotional health. Honestly, it’s easy to be a cynic, but I don’t want to be a cynic and I cannot be a cynic. JC is alive and moving to this day. God can use a donkey to speak his words; he even uses you and me to accomplish his will. It’s a miracle. As BK said, there are glimpses of the gospel everywhere.

Reasons I read ubfriends, comment and submit articles

1.) Respect- I respect the ideas of those who dialogue on this site. Those who share here are critical thinkers. I am not one to go with the flow or be silent when I disagree. I used to be like that, but through the support of friends and family I have been able to find my voice. I am glad there are people who share the value of critical thinking.

2.) Growth- I still remember when Dr. Ben first showed me this site. The article he showed me was about Spiritual Abuse and it voiced many of the things I felt were wrong, but could never say aloud. This is a place for people to talk about the elephants in the room and find others who have gone through the same things and can help others along the way.

3.) Interactive/Dynamic Communication- When I submit an article I get feedback on what others think. It sharpens my arguments and helps me consider angles I wouldn’t have considered before. It’s all about collaboration; this is a 21st century skill and community is indispensable to the Christian life.

4.) Question everything- I love questions. I love when people answer my questions. I have one old-school professor right now who only gives one-way lectures. He doesn’t even give us time to ask questions at the end. During his lectures I have my hand up and he sees me, but he keeps going on and on. It drives me crazy. To solve this issue I decided to just do homework during his lectures and to take his classes online instead of face-to-face. I need to interact with information. Some people find this annoying, especially when I ask the same question over and over again, but that’s the way I process information.

So my question for you is: Why do you read ubfriends? Do you agree with the reasons to read or not to read? Do you think it is wrong to air out personal issues in public? Has anyone told you to not read ubfriends or talk to BK/ Ben Toh?

This is the 11th week of Seminary. The academic challenge I am getting here is very restorative to my faith. There are two classes in particular that are changing the way I view life: Introduction to Theological Research and Hermeneutics (interpretation of the Bible). These are the two first classes for any seminary student.

Through these classes I am becoming aware of the pre-understandings and value assumptions present in me. Life is not black and white; it is a million shades of gray. For example, let’s take the issue of Gun Control. There is a conflict between the values of public safety versus freedom of choice. Both these ideas are good. It is good to be safe, but it is also good to be able to exercise your freedom. In the US obviously individual freedom is valued higher and hence its is relatively easy to get a gun. To make any decision you are comparing two or more values. It is important to be aware of those values and make sure that they are based on a trustworthy foundation.

Even in the Apologetics class I am taking I see the difficulty of simply conversing with those who have a different worldview because their idea of truth is different from mine. My professor defined worldview as the thing that affects every decision, thought, action, feeling, etc. all the while being completely undetected by us. Basically it is the lens through which we view the world; without it we simply cannot see. (*Note: one can call himself a Christian but that does not guarantee a correct worldview. Those who call themselves Christian can have a wrong view of God and scripture, i.e. Matthew 7:21)

Those with different worldviews are speaking different languages. For example, when a Christian and Muslim talk in English they can be understanding each other on a surface level but not on a deeper level. In Islam there is no questioning the Quran. Islam is about submission and obedience. Muslims are not allowed to question any grammatical mistakes in the Quran. Christians, however, can question, scrutinize and criticize the Bible and we must. We must question the basis of our faith, the scriptures. If you have the chance to learn Hebrew and Greek then please take it. (If you are only reading one translation of the Bible right now you really must invest into another translation. At least, have one formal and on functional translation of the Bible. The NIV is a functional translation.) Even the definite or indefinite article in “an angel” or “the angel” can have huge theological implications.

As Christians we understand that the motive of our faith is God. Our motive of faith is: 1) What God affirms is true. 2) God affirms the teachings of Scripture. 3) Therefore, the teachings of Scripture are true. The motives of credibility, however, are all the items of evidence that lead someone to believe that Scripture is God’s word, i.e., archaeological evidence, testimony of historians, instances of fulfilled prophecy, a sense of Scripture’s majesty and an acquaintance with Scripture’s power to transform lives (House 2011, 83). The motives of credibility change with time and more research. “They [motives of credibility] give rise to only to a human and fallible faith. One needs this human and fallible faith nevertheless to obtain the motive of faith, from which divine and infallible faith springs (House, 83).” We must go upstream and check our sources and question our Pastors. St. Paul praised the noble Bereans in Acts 17:11 because they examined scripture to make sure what Paul was saying was true. We also need to practice examining the scripture.

Ravi Zacharias has written about the Quran. He wrote, “Let us consider just one troublesome aspect, the grammatical flaws that have been demonstrated [in the Quran]. Ali Dashti, an Iranian author and a committed Muslim, commented that the errors in the Quran were so many that the grammatical rules had to be altered in order to fit the claim that the Quran was flawless. He gives numerous examples of these in his book, Twenty-three Years: The Life of the Prophet Mohammed. (The only precaution he took before publishing this book was to direct that it be published posthumously) (Rhodes 1995, 83).”

Ali Dashti wrote, “The Quran contains sentences which are incomplete and not fully intelligible without the aid of commentaries; foreign words, unfamiliar Arabic words, and words used with other than the normal meaning; adjectives and verbs inflected without observance of the concord of gender and number; illogical and ungrammatically applied pronouns which sometimes have no referant; and predicates which in rhymed passages are often remote from the subjects. These and other such aberrations in the language have given scope to critics who deny the Quran’s eloquence. . . To sum up, more than 100 Quranic aberrations from the normal rules and structure of Arabic have been noted (Rhodes, 83).

I am not saying don’t read the Quran. By all means read it (Christians should be educated about all religions.) I am saying don’t read it without questioning it. Don’t read the Bible without questioning it either.

The Bible has many different translations. Some gospels have different accounts and leave certain details out or add details. Sometimes the number of characters in the story is different. (These are all normal things. When there are eye witnesses questioned about an event; they remember different things.) But the authors left clues and places to go to to get more information. In Christianity, one can voice their doubts without the fear of being persecuted, hopefully.

While studying I have realized how little I know and how little anybody really knows. Even Biblical scholars are not completely sure of everything they write. But we always function on partial information. It is how we survive. The important thing is to keep asking questions, keep searching and examining. 1 Corinthians 13:12. “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

Do you question everything? Are there any questions that have been on your mind lately?

House, H. Wayne, and Dennis W. Jowers.Reasons for Our Hope. Nashville: B & H Pub. Group, 2011.

Rhodes, Ron. Reasoning from the Scriptures with the Muslims. Eugene, Or.: Harvest House, 2002.

Day I: Tuesday evening session
Speaker: Pastor Oscar
Anecdote: George Mueller
Challenge: 10 hairy audacious prayer topics

This sermon was based on George Mueller. His goal was to live in a way that showed people God can be trusted. He built orphanages throughout England, but never asked for a penny. In the morning he would wake up and tell the orphans that there was no food for breakfast, but they should pray and thank God. Then someone would usually come and bring breakfast because God put it on their heart to serve. He never took a salary. When he was 70, he decided to go out as a missionary and for more than a decade he went out traveling the world and preaching. The Pastor challenge us to pray prayer topics that “make God sweat.” Usually we pray things like: give me an “A” on my exam or in the mall, “Lord give me a parking spot.” But the Pastor dared us to pray 10 hairy audacious prayer topics that God will answer. A few I thought of was WL having its own building and not one more death from gang violence in Chicago. Or praying for my cousin, D, who is a hostile atheist to serve the Lord or C to have a job in finance paying more than 45K a year. These are crazy scary prayer topics and I realized I don’t pray them because I am scared that God will not deliver. But he is God and he can be trusted.

Day II: Wednesday morning session
Speaker: Pastor Oscar
Anecdote: Moravian Missionaries to the Leper Colony
Challenge: Stop living for yourself

His first question was: Are the things you will live for after graduation worthy of Christ dying for? My question to you is: why did Christ die? The answer is in 2 Corinthians 5:15. “And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” The Pastor mentioned that God does not want to be a part of our plans; he wants YOU to be fulfilled in HIS plans. He shared about a leper colony. There were 2 lepers working in a field, one had no legs and he was on the back of a leper who had no arms. These lepers were completely cut off from society. But who would tell them about Jesus? 2 Moravian missionaries went out and preached to them. But what would happen if those 2 fell? There were more Moravian missionaries lining up to be sent out. The Pastor also shared that, “No great advances for Christianity were made by men and women who were unwilling to give up their lives.” He also shared John 12:24, “Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”
It is only in dying to self that we can live. He finished by asking us again: Are the things you live for worthy of Christ dying for? Do we have the faith of a mustard seed? Are we too afraid to dream big dreams for the kingdom?

Breakout Session I
Speaker: Kate McCord
Topic: Why does God called us to dangerous places?

Kate lived in Afghanistan. Before she started she said that it would be a heavy session. She started by showing us pictures of a dozen Christian how were murdered in the Middle East. She said this is no joke. She shared how she was in the middle of no where in Lancaster, Pennsylvania at a concert and was talking to a guitarist. She mentioned that she lived overseas. He asked, “Where?” She said, “Afghanistan.” He said, “Do you know Glen?” and his eyes filled with tears. Then her eyes filled with tears because she knew Glen. He was a Christian who worked in Afghanistan and had been martyred. Danger is real. Living for Jesus is not a romantic safe story. Many of Kate’s friend asked her repeatedly, “Can’t you just send a check?” Once on facebook she read a quote, “The safest place is in the center of God’s will.” To this Kate answered, “False, the safest physical place is not in God’s will. The safest place is in Calvary. It is the safest place for my soul. ”

But why does God do this? Why does he take the brightest and best? Those who have fallen were humanitarian aid workers, doctors, linguist, dentist, nurses, eye doctors. They went to serve. She gave a couple of reasons.

First, God loves people. On the final day of the conference there was a US soldier who had been deployed in Iraq. I sat next to him and heard him sniffling. It was crazy to see a grown man in his army outfit cry. But he said he hated terrorist because they killed his brothers and friends. And yet now God was calling him to serve ISIS terrorist. God calls us to dangerous places because he loves the ISIS terrorists and he wants them all saved. God is like the Father on Thanksgiving who says that his table is not full enough. There are families on Thanksgiving who say there are not enough people here, invite more. That is God.

Secondly, Jesus went there first. Jesus does not call us anywhere that he did not go first.
Thirdly, It awakens the church to pray and be unified.

Fourthly, one cannot hold someone’s hand from 7000 miles away. FB is good, but you cannot give someone mourning the loss of their son a hug over facebook. They don’t need an email; they need someone physically there.

Fifthly, it brings us closer to Him. Kate said that it was hard to live in Afghanistan, but harder to leave. She walked with Jesus in those places and those places are precious. She met Jesus in those horrible place. She had a Dutch friend who was married and had 2 small daughters in Holland. On his last day in Afghanistan he was kidnapped. Fortunately, he made it back to his family. But he said that while he was chained to the wall at the hands of the terrorist he felt closest to the Lord. And he misses those moments of intimacy.

I personally saw how we humans are so afraid of pain and suffering, but pain and suffering are teachers. They are the pressure cookers that mold us into the image of Christ. And they are things not to be feared or avoided but embraced and treasure that JC deems us worthy of suffering for his name.

Breakout Session II
Speaker: Agency Remember Nhu
Topic:Can we end child sex slavery in this generation?

The agency is called Nhu in honor of a 13 year old girl in Cambodia. This girl was a Christian because she went to a Catholic school. She made an arrangement to clean the school and to study for free. She was 7 at the time. But when she was 13 her grandmother borrowed 60 $ for groceries. She had to pay it back with the high interest of 20$ per week. She only made 25$ total in a month. So she had no choice but to sell Nhu.

Do you know why human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry? How many times can you sell drugs a ba of drugs? Once. You sell heroine; it’s snorted once and gone. How many times can you sell a girl child in her lifetime? Maybe 7,000 or 70, 000 times. One girl shared how she was raped 15 times a night and they sewed up her private part up so she would still feel like a virgin; they did it twice. In Santa Cruz Bolivia the man who started Remember Nhu saw a 7 year old child dressed up like a doll with shorts barely covering her bottom and a halter top and full makeup. She was emaciated so she looked like 5 years old. She was wearing high heels. And he saw her come up to a grown man and offer herself to him. Once he saw that image he could never get it out of his mind.

We all have a responsibility in some way. There are 1.2 million children sold into sex slavery every year. Thats 2 children per minute. Once they are sold in Cambodia and Thailand, 97% of them contac aid and die in less than 3 years. In Thailand human trafficking makes up 14% of the GNP and in Cambodia 20%. The perpetrators are ⅓ local, ⅓ foreigners and ⅓ government officials. In the Bible Jesus rebuked the religious leaders for ravishing the house of widows. In certain parts of the world political leader literally ravish their people. If human trafficking stops what economic endeavor will take its place. And why would the legislators want to stop it if they are the ones committing it?

Conclusion:
I am so thankful for this conference. It reminded me of how much this world needs Christians living out their faith.

The Golden Circle

What do Apple, Martin Luther King Jr. and the Wright brothers have in common? Simon Sinek claims that he has discovered their common pattern. According to him, it is the secret to every great and inspiring leader and organization in the world. He calls it the “golden circle.” It is quite simple. There are 3 circles on top of each other. The center circle is why, the middle circle is how and the outer circle is what. Usually we work from the outside in. But the most successful leaders and companies work from the inside out. They start with the question: why.

Every single person knows what they do and most likely how they do it, but the central question is: why. And the answer to that question is not simply “to be rich.” That is a result. The why must answer, what is your purpose, what is your cause, what is you belief? Why do you get up in the morning? Why does your organization exist? Why do you exist? Many companies have superb products and technology, but they don’t sell well. Why? Because people don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.

Usually we go from the most concrete questions to the abstract ones, from what, to how and lastly (if ever) to why. For example, normal computer companies sell computers. Their marketing plan is: we make great computers, we use the best technology and we do this so you will be happy. But Apple sells an idea, an identity, first and foremost. Their belief is, “We challenge the status quo. We are unique and so are our clients. We use the highest technology and best design. We also happen to make great computers.” Apple does things normal computer companies don’t. Who buys an MP3 player from a computer company? Who would buy a TV from Dell? But people buy these products every day from Apple. We don’t buy what you do; we buy why you do it.

A Failure

In his talk Sinek, compared the Wright brothers to Samuel Pierpont Langley. When people are asked for the reason of their business failures, they usually answer 3 things: they were under-capitalized, they had the wrong people and bad market conditions. It’s always the same three things. But in Langley’s case he was supported in all three of these areas. He lacked nothing. He was funded with $500,000 by the war department to figure out how to create the flying machine. He was well-connected and working with the top scientists of the day. The New York Times followed him everywhere. Everybody was rooting for him.

The Wright brothers, on the other hand, were uneducated; no one on their team even had a university education. They were funded only by the proceeds of their bicycle shop. There was no media following them. But they had something Langley lacked: a purpose. They believed that if they figured out this flying thing, it would change the course of the world. Langley, however, was in pursuit of the result; he was in it for the riches. Proof of this is that he quit once the Wright brothers made their first successful flight. Langley could have improved their technology, but he gave up because he was not the first one to discover it. The Wright brothers had a team that supported their cause. As Sinek often says, “if you hire people just because they can do a job, they’ll work for your money, but if you hire people who believe what you believe, they’ll work for you with blood and sweat and tears.”

A Success

In the summer of 1963, a quarter of a million people showed up in Washington D.C. to hear Dr. King speak. There was no facebook or email back then, so how did he manage to muster all those people? Dr. King was not the only great speaker back then. But what was different about him was that he went around saying, “I believe, I believe, I believe.” He had a cause and people bought into his cause, his dream.  Those people didn’t come for him; they came for themselves.

Dr. King believed in two types of law: God-made and man-made. He believed that until those two laws were in sync this world would never be just. The Civil Rights movement was the way for him to make his cause a reality. People followed him, not for him, but for themselves.  Furthermore, his most famous speech was, “I have a dream,” not, “I have a plan.”

Today politicians make many 12-point plans, but they are not inspiring anyone. Everyone is selling a product, but few are selling an idea. While I was taking a class on curriculum leadership, we discussed the needs of teachers to explain the reason/theory behind their curriculum. Ideally, we would like teachers to post videos explaining the reasons behind their educational methods/philosophy. But it would be difficult to implement.

How about you? Are you pushing an agenda a program or plan instead of a cause/purpose? Are you a leader who inspires others? How many times do schools and churches copy movements and go through the motions without knowing why? What about in your church or community? Are people inspired?

I have very good news. One of my favorite authors, Malcolm Gladwell, rediscovered his faith in Christ. He wrote What the Dog Saw, Outliers, Blink, Tipping Point and David and Goliath. I love this author because he is a true journalist and looks at the phenomena of the world without bias and prejudice. He looks for patterns and is not afraid to apply his findings from the beginning to the end. Many of his discoveries go against the ideas of society. For example, his book Outliers undermines the American definition of success. He claims it is not simply about hard work day in and day out; it is also about being born in the right place and right time. He is a superb writer and has refreshing perspectives on many subjects. Really everything and anything can be any interesting with a good writer/critical thinking.

I was touched by his return to the faith. It was while he was writing David and Goliath. The premise of the book is how David had all the disadvantages, but he still overcame Goliath. When Gladwell saw an ordinary couple doing super natural out-of-the-ordinary things, like forgiving the murderers and rapists of their daughter, it struck him. Where does this power come from? He came to the logical conclusion: supernatural power can only come from a supernatural force: God.

Recently, I read another book called, The 100/0 Principle. In this book the author explains the secret of success to every relationship. It is to take 100% of responsibility for the relationship and have 0% expectations from the other half. He shares multiple stories of times when this principle overcame icy relationships. Usually when people are treated this way they melt and change, but it is not easy. While reading it, I was persuaded by this counter intuitive approach to relationships and I want to incorporate in my life and my everyday relationships. But where does the power come from. How can I GIVE MORE AND EXPECT LESS?!

The math is lacking. There is no logic. Why should I give and give and give when others only take and take and take? I am going to run out of gas. A side note the author gave is that this principle might not work with those who lie and steal from you. He advises his readers to be wise when acting with people like that. But what about that couple from David and Goliath who forgave the murderers of their daughter? They had no expectations from the rapists. They forgave the people who deserve their love and forgiveness least of all.
Another principle the author, Al Ritter, constantly repeated is this: Our relationship is more important than who is right or wrong. The one thing that gives life meaning are relationships. Think of your favorite memories. Don’t they all involve people, those who are closest to you? What would it be like if all our relationships with those around us were healthy? It would be absolute heaven on earth.

I also like how he explains the difference between awareness and choice. I am aware of my judgmental and critical attitude towards others. But I have the choice to act according to my automatic response or to use the 100/0 principle. I thought this point was especially insightful because the 100/0 principle does not come naturally to me and it probably never will. This book has a freeing effect. It showed me that I don’t want things that happened 10 years ago to be affecting and intoxicating me now. Yes, there have been those who have harmed me, wounded, lied to and stole from me. But I want to practice this principle towards them (or do I?). I want to save the relationship, if it is redeemable. Life is too short and my sphere of influence is too small to burn bridges with anyone.

How is is even possible? I need to fill up on Jesus’ love. I know that I am the apple of his eye. I know that he is protecting me. He never allows me to go through something I cannot bear. I know that God is good all the time and that all the time God is good. I will leave room for God’s wrath. I also value my relationship with God so so so highly that I will not allow anyone or anything to get in the way of it. Recently I have begun to understand Lk 14:26. “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” I love God to the point that my affection for anything else comes across as hate. It is hard to understand but out of my love for God I act kindly to those around me. Especially towards those who hurt me the most. I act cordially to them not out of a love for them, not for them at all, but only for God. They can perceive it as love and maybe it is love, but it doesn’t come from me naturally. Maybe in the future it will come naturally? Or maybe love really is a choice, as the saying goes?

I am glad that I am learning this now. Soon I will be moving to a new country (actually not a new country because it is my passport country, but I haven’t lived there for 10 years). It will be like a new beginning. I want to invest in good relationships. Another piece of good news is that one of my other favorite authors, Nassim Nicholas Taleb, author of The Black Swan (has nothing to do with the movie) is friends with Malcolm Gladwell. While reading Taleb I always wondered if he and Gladwell would get along because there would be some ideas in Taleb’s books that seemed to disagree with those of Gladwell. But they both share the courageous drive to write what others disagree with and disdain. They are not afraid to dispute the society’s pillars of thought and I admire this. Taleb talks about dealing with PhD’s and big shots of the world and how he enjoys watching them squirm and be uncomfortable. Taleb does not make assumptions about anything. He is ready to look at every topic freshly. I want to learn this. In life sometimes David does win (maybe all the time?). Goliath can huff and puff and sulk and pout, but in the end truth will be self-evident. Who will be left with their head on?

What do you think of the 100/0 principle?