Orthodoxy is Gk Chesterton’s account of his journey from secularism to Christianity. It reminds me of a doctoral student explaining his dissertation to someone who is not an expert. For brevity the student will skip vast amount of details to give the main overview. To the uninitiated or poorly informed this is always quite jarring. At the end you find yourself in agreement, but barely understand what happened. Most of the arguments in Orthodoxy are the same way. He speeds though arguments, making tangents that don’t make any sense until his vision is complete. Anything even remotely in his style would be met with only the most puzzled of looks and side comments about how it wasn’t about Jesus. The whole effect is dizzying.

Chesterton’s view of the world, his vision that seems ancient in scope, transmodern in approach shines through the pages like sun into a dark room. Too much of modern Christianity today is compartmentalized into trite slogans that at best offer nothing and at worst demeans Christ. Rationalism and science seem to point away from Christianity, but we find Chesterton taking the view that rationalism and science have inaccurately become unquestionable, yet have extended beyond what they can accomplish. They are false idols and page after page he makes the point that if rationalism is what you want; suicide is what you will have. This was in stark contrast to what I had been taught. Romanticism taught me there was more, but not where it might be found. The church told me that it was best not think about such things and just have more faith. Chesterton taught me to think about such things and see that they are not what they seem to be.

Chesterton taught me that following Jesus is more than acting a certain way; it’s more than believing certain things; it is even more than loving certain things. Christianity is about seeing things a certain way. It is about seeing the world the way God sees the world, not as something to be marched against but as something to be a steward of. Perhaps God wants us to delight in Him, as he delights in his creation. God used Chesterton in a way that made me realize the Joy of God. He taught me that we must love the world without being worldly. “The point is not that this world is too sad to love or too glad not to love; the point is that when you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more…Man is more himself, more manlike, when joy is the fundamental thing and grief superficial.” Perhaps that’s why I can’t take these UBF people seriously when they reduce the gospel into a straight command to make disciples. I have learned too much, seen too much to be tricked by such an illusion. For one who has found a well spring of water can stop trying to squeeze moisture from his sweaty clothes. Chesterton never did a one of one bible study with me, but he has taught me more about God than anyone ever has. He has shown me Christ more clearly than any one to one bible study ever could.

“No one doubts that an ordinary man can get on with this world: but we demand not strength enough to get on with it, but strength enough to get it on. Can he hate it enough to change it, and yet love it enough to think it worth changing? Can he look up at its colossal good without once feeling acquiescence? Can he look up at its colossal evil without once feeling despair? Can he, in short, be at once not only a pessimist and an optimist, but a fanatical pessimist and a fanatical optimist? Is he enough of a pagan to die for the world, and enough of a Christian to die to it? In this combination, I maintain, it is the rational optimist who fails, the irrational optimist who succeeds. He is ready to smash the whole universe for the sake of itself.”

Here is the book for free online
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/16769/16769-h/16769-h.htm

Forestsfailyou

Jesus words are harsh and direct “You hypocrites!” The second point here is that Jesus realizes the stakes are high and reserves no harsh words, and compromises nothing when dealing with this fall teaching. The disciples even question this asking “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?” But Jesus’ response is twofold: first, that judgment will come (verse 13) and since it will come we cannot afford to have the blind leading the long. Jesus often rebukes his disciples, but he reserves his harshest critics for teachers, because they spread teachings and therefore represent true danger. The early church would often put down groups, not because they hated them- but because they wagered that it was better to have a group eradicated than to have the gospel messaged changed and distorted amongst the body of Christ. Although their methods were at times harsh, their aim was the same as Jesus’ in this passage. Right beliefs preclude right action, on the other hand wrong beliefs preclude wrong action. Jesus concludes by teaching both the Pharisees and the disciples the right belief, that our heart is what determines our holiness. He concludes that the ritual does nothing to determine a person’s faith. Righteousness comes by faith, and adherence to any tradition in and of itself is meaningless (Gal 2:21). I have heard people in UBF go so far as to out rightly claim that a person’s spiritual maturity is based on adherence to their traditions. It is fanaticism in its truest. It’s wrong through and through.

A specific tradition may be invaluable to a particular person at a particular time, but it takes a special type of evil to unilaterally decide that that’s the way it ought to be for all. When I think of myself I have to be very careful myself not to fall into this trap. It is easy enough for a person to fall into, but I find the danger only grows with time. Perhaps there is a certain maturity I have yet to reach where I take all of this with the right amount of levity, but I find that I have the same tendency to asset my religiousness over others. The gospels seem clear to me that this is a problem to be fixed, not a feature to be upheld and enshrined.

Forestsfailyou

Group Bible Study
The high light of the conference for me was group bible study. For some very bizarre reason I was the “bible teacher” for a group that included 2 seminary professors, 2 UBF missionaries that had been Christians longer than I have been alive, and a missionary from South East Asia. I had mixed feelings about this, since on one hand I could do what I wanted, on the other hand I felt like Dr. Augustine or Dr. John Yoon should lead the bible study. I made it clear we wouldn’t be using the bible study questionnaire and things went very well. My friend Ivan said after this he would give Jesus another chance and I really felt that the Holy Spirit guide the conversation. At times certain people would occupy the conversation for a long time but then others would speak and overall it was one of the better (if not the best) group bible study I have had.

Testimonies
In contrast the testimonies were by and large boring and tiring. It was beyond obvious that they had been carefully scripted and edited. Of course when this is brought up it is denied but for everyone who has ears let them hear that nothing that was spoken from a stage this weekend wasn’t preapproved and checked. The Pauline Three Part testimony was in literally everything, from messages to mission reports, from reflections in the small group to the presider’s introductions. It led to a dry and tiring experience at best, at worst it implied that Jesus always works the same way in everyone, turning absolute terrible excuses for people with no redeeming qualities into people ready to throw their dreams and goals away for world mission. Some of these were truly moving, like John Peace and Philip Brown but when they were good it was because they broke the mold. Ivan (who later commented that he liked this conference) walked out on literally every single one of these.

Presiding
This leads me to my last point. I was asked to preside and was emailed with instructions to give a short life testimony and a description of where I was with God. As I started to read my testimony I was strongly convicted that this was the wrong thing to do. Although there are a lot of good things that have happened in my life, I simply did not want to share them. My life has been checkered in parts and as I looked at what was written I realized that it would create in many people a feeling of pity, pity that I did not want. If this makes me proud so be it, but simply couldn’t bring myself to say all those things to a group of strangers who would not be able to relate nor fathom what I was saying- to a group of people who (as I have experienced) do not understand how mental illness works.  I am not a product of my mother’s condition, and I felt like I did not trust people enough to tell them of my past. I was very sparse with details and when I gave where I was with Christ I chose not to simply say a list of activities I was involved in. For me this is not what following Jesus means. “If righteousness could be attained from the law Christ died for nothing.” At best these things are a glimpse at what Jesus was doing in me, and so I shared my true feelings- that I struggled how to be fearlessly humble. I struggle with loving my enemy as myself and how to love those who disagree with me.
Who was this conference for?
There was a claim that this conference was for new people. I realize now that there are different definitions of this word. Ivan was by anyone’s definition “new” but my pastor asked if he had a Christian background. When he said yes my pastor was relieved because “otherwise it may have been awkward.” This conference was not for “new people”. It was for people like me. “New” in the sense that they have been in UBF for a few years. It was a chance for them to show how they were “growing” in Christ by giving them tasks at this conference. It was evident from all that was testified, in the nearly singled minded emphasis on “making a confession of faith.” If a college student with no knowledge of Jesus had been taken off the street they would have left knowing they should follow Jesus and that they would have life, but no idea of who he is, what he is (beyond “The Lord”), why he is. They would know that following him leads to eternal life, but not why this is to be desired. They would know nothing of his great commands, nothing of the resurrection. They would know nothing of the Holy Spirit. So in that sense I feel that these (to give our conference creators the benefit of the doubt) were assumed to be known, and so this conference was for those who were given roles in the conference.

In closing, I had a fun time with lots of friends. I really loved the songs and music. I loved seeing my friends and the bible study was very inspiring. I am not sure if I will go again, especially since the next one is in Colorado. But I don’t regret going, as with all things it could have been better.

Forestsfailyou

In this passage our Lord is brought a man who is paralyzed. After proclaiming his sins are healed Jewish leaders accuse him of blasphemy. At this Jesus heals the man and sends him away. The second part is on the calling of Matthew.

The Paralyzed Man healed

What can be said about this passage? First and foremost Jesus has authority to forgive sins. Jesus has authority to forgive sins because it was given to him by the father. Beyond this his death and sacrifice for our sins allow us to live. When Jesus forgives the man the religious leaders become indignant. The religious leaders understood that only God could forgive sins, and they also understood this was done though the law, which they were the sole interpreters and keepers thereof. God would forgive them, they reasoned, but only through the means that have been given to them through the covenant of Abraham. Jesus knew all of this, yet he says “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?”. This means that there was something beyond them just being mistaken and not knowing the plan of the father for this is no sin. No, Jesus calls their thoughts evil because they were more concerned about someone stepping on their toes than their offense to God. This is a common theme in all of the gospels. Jesus goes on to challenge them with “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.”- pointing out that they should know how to act but are not acting in the way God desires and commands after he is mocked by the leaders while eating with known sinners. How many of us are sinners? All of us, and so Jesus comes to all, but he is least accepted by those who are least without excuse. When Jesus heals the man he says “Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’?” This is an example of a Jewish qal wahomer (“how much more”) argument: if God gives Jesus authority to heal the visible effects of humanity’s fallenness, why would he not send him to combat that cause of that fall? This is why social justice, mercy, and alms giving is so important for the Christian life. It proclaims the gospel.

The Calling of Matthew

Matthew’s calling displays that Jesus loves us in spite of us. I have often wondered why tax collector is such a “sinful” job. After all the entire bible gives a high view of taxes. Historically the tax levied to Rome was an occupier’s fee. The Jews were being charged for their occupation, and since their nation was seen as instituted under and by God; since it was a “kingdom of priests and holy nation”- being a Jewish tax collector would have been seen as traitorous and against God. Being a tax collector would have been seen as a betrayer of his culture, God, and people. So Jesus coming to the tax collector is a bold statement. Our sin is betrayal of God and yet this is who Jesus comes to. He comes to those who have betrayed him, “rebellious people, deceitful children, children unwilling to listen to the LORD’s instruction.” His action suggests that if God is willing to come to worst, is his not willing to come to all? And this is what he says “For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” The Pharisees self-righteousness he seeks to correct, but at this time they are unreceptive of him, as are all people who think they are so good as to be free from any sin. I often suspect that one can be so proud that they are beyond all save divine intervention. God must often break people like the Pharisees with painful trials so they can understand their condition.

These are my thoughts on the passage. If anyone has anything else to add please leave it in the comments.

Pride has traditionally be viewed as the worst of the sins. St. Augustine attributed nearly all other vices to pride. Pride, as he says, is the sin of loving yourself more than God. It manifests as contempt for others, shows itself as competition between others, and poisons everything it touches. People much closer to God than I could ever hope to be, have reserved no insults or denouncements for this sin. They have offered it no disguise. In short, the church has always held that if we could rid the world of pride, we would have no need for a second coming.

There are two things that often go unnoticed about pride. First, it is easily disguised and therefore hard to correct. If someone speaks of how he has sacrificed much for God or his family, is he seeking praise? Or is he simply proclaiming how he is thankful he could be so lucky to give to God? Pride, being closest to our Adversary, mirrors the temptation that Eve fell to. The second thing that is often unnoticed is that the Church and Christianity in general have often been at odds with the World in its view on if pride is even a sin to begin with. It is hard to find a non-Christian who agrees with violence, greed, or adultery (even if they might find excuses for them). But if you find someone who sees pride as an issue, you have found a Christian. In fact, when a non-Christian even addresses it as an issue and says “He is arrogant.” The issue is usually because his own pride, his own ego feels threatened. But he never thinks that should he actually be better than the guy he criticized that bragging or pride would be his reward for his own abilities.

Pride manifests as an arms race. The idea present in the proud person is that he needs to be better than other people. People can usually discern if they are lustful, violent, envious, but rarely will they discover they are proud. Pride is so close to people, so ingrained in people that they cannot see it easily. For this reason hardest all of all sins to correct. A preacher preaching against pride will therefore find himself talking to an empty room. Everyone in the audience finds his neighbor guilty but never themselves.  The only method I have learned to tell how proud I am is ask myself how offended I am when I (or my accomplishments) go unnoticed. You may even ask how mad are you when your status is left unrecognized? The madder you get, chances are the prouder you are.

A few final things I will leave you with. First, I am not at all suggesting that we cannot find enjoyment in life. It is not proud to find a sunset enjoyable, or to take delight in a walk, or even to feel happiness while on a date. We should be like children, who find enjoyment in things meant to be enjoyed, but never enjoy yourself for the sake of yourself. We are not a proper item of worship. Second, being proud of your child, or feeling proud of a job well done is a different use or the word. Here the admiration is felt because you are giving approval to something outside yourself. Nor is it pride to suppose that one cannot feel good about being a servant of Christ (or doing good deeds). The bible says clearly “Well done my good and faithful servant…Come and share your master’s happiness.” But in that moment, we must resist the urge to feel that is was by my own goodness but rather the goodness of Christ. St. Augustine in Confessions ponders the same question, how can you know if it is pride or if it is really given to God?:

“I cannot pretend that I am not pleased by praise…But I have to admit that not only does admiration increase my pleasure, but that adverse criticism diminishes it. When this symptom disturbs me, self- justification worms its way into me, of a kind which you know, my God.”

But his answer is to be pleased, not with yourself- but with the love of others.

“Your will is that we should love not only you but our neighbor. Often when I am pleased to be praised by someone whose understanding is good, my pleasure lies in my neighbor’s progress or promise of it… But once again how can I know whether that is my reaction because I do not want my admirer to hold a view of me different from my own? Truth, in you, I know I see that if I am to be praised be not on my own account but the account of my neighbor.”

Admiration spoils fast, if it is not given to God is becomes poisonous. The final thing I should mention is regarding a bad definition of pride. It is pure fiction to suppose that pride means disagreeing with church authority, or anyone else for that matter. I am unsure how such an unreasonable definition can be held without bursting into laughter. Neither good sense, the bible, church tradition, nor anything else has ever had this definition. Not to say that disobedience is good, I am simply saying that to call it pride is to misdiagnose the patient. When it comes down to it there are really only two types of people, those who are proud and know it- and those who are proud and do not know it.

Cs Lewis starts his address by stating that he will not be talking about what many of them assumed he would talk about: post World War 2 Europe. He says this is because most cannot be expected to marginally contribute to this condition in the next 10 years because “You will be busy finding jobs, getting married, acquiring facts.” This was striking to me because it is totally avoid of the modern mentality of “you can do anything” and the idealism that sweeps across modern campuses. He is being real here. He says instead he will give them advice for their lives. The next part is good enough to quote in its entirety:
“And of course everyone knows what a middle-aged moralist of my type warns his juniors against. He warns them against the World, the Flesh, and the Devil. But one of this trio will be enough to deal with today. The Devil, I shall leave strictly alone. The association between him and me in the public mind has already gone quite as deep as I wish: in some quarters it has already reached the level of confusion, if not of identification. I begin to realise the truth of the old proverb that he who sups with that formidable host needs a long spoon. As for the Flesh, you must be very abnormal young people if you do not know quite as much about it as I do. But on the World I think I have something to say.”
He goes on to say that in all groups of people the world over there exists an unwritten social code. Some people are “in” and some are “out”. He says many times there are no formal admissions, no formal expulsions. “People think they are in it after they have in fact been pushed out of it, or before they have been allowed in: this provides great amusement for those who are really inside. It has no fixed name. The only certain rule is that the insiders and outsiders call it by different names.” From the outside, if you despair of getting into it, you call it “That gang” or “they” or “So and so and his inner circle”. If you are up for admission you probably don’t call it anything. To discuss it with the other outsiders would make you feel outside yourself. And to mention talking to the man who is inside, and who may help you if this present conversation goes well, would be madness.
He proceeds though the rest of the essay to show that through all points in all people’s lives there is this intense desire to be “in”. Even those who protest being a part of the “in” crowd form a different group, and view themselves as “in” that group- the group protesting. “People who believe themselves to be free, and indeed are free, from snobbery, and who read satires on snobbery with tranquil superiority, may be devoured by the desire in another form.” He continues to say that trying to be a part of the in crowd (what he calls an inner circle) is a permanent main spring of human action. He says if you have never stayed up at night wondering why you did something to be a part of a group, to be included…then are you are more fortunate than most.
He gives two cautions. The first is that there is a difference between wanting to merely be a part of a group to be a part of a group and being a part of a group with a purpose. A person who loves chess and joins a chess club becomes a part of a ring, but he has found an “inside” worth having- whereas the person who joins the chess club because he wants to be in a club doesn’t really have a reward. The second caution is that Inner Rings are a large part of what allows good people to do bad things.
“And the prophecy I make is this. To nine out of ten of you the choice which could lead to scoundrelism will come, when it does come, in no very dramatic colours. Obviously bad men, obviously threatening or bribing, will almost certainly not appear. Over a drink, or a cup of coffee, disguised as triviality and sandwiched between two jokes, from the lips of a man, or woman, whom you have recently been getting to know rather better and whom you hope to know better still—just at the moment when you are most anxious not to appear crude, or naïf or a prig—the hint will come. It will be the hint of something which the public, the ignorant, romantic public, would never understand: something which even the outsiders in your own profession are apt to make a fuss about: but something, says your new friend, which “we”—and at the word “we” you try not to blush for mere pleasure—something “we always do.”
And you will be drawn in, if you are drawn in, not by desire for gain or ease, but simply because at that moment, when the cup was so near your lips, you cannot bear to be thrust back again into the cold outer world. It would be so terrible to see the other man’s face—that genial, confidential, delightfully sophisticated face—turn suddenly cold and contemptuous, to know that you had been tried for the Inner Ring and rejected. And then, if you are drawn in, next week it will be something a little further from the rules, and next year something further still, but all in the jolliest, friendliest spirit. It may end in a crash, a scandal, and penal servitude; it may end in millions, a peerage and giving the prizes at your old school. But you will be a scoundrel.
That is my first reason. Of all the passions, the passion for the Inner Ring is most skillful in making a man who is not yet a very bad man do very bad things.”

He concludes that the quest to be a part of the in crowd will break you unless you break it. Friendship is necessarily about something else- it is two hearts loving the same thing. He says that inner rings are avoidable- but we can through friendship and true love form something that looks identical to an inner ring.

And if in your spare time you consort simply with the people you like, you will again find that you have come unawares to a real inside: that you are indeed snug and safe at the centre of something which, seen from without, would look exactly like an Inner Ring. But the difference is that the secrecy is accidental, and its exclusiveness a by-product, and no one was led thither by the lure of the esoteric: for it is only four or five people who like one another meeting to do things that they like. This is friendship. Aristotle placed it among the virtues. It causes perhaps half of all the happiness in the world, and no Inner Ring can ever have it.
We are told in Scripture that those who ask get. That is true, in senses I can’t now explore. But in another sense there is much truth in the schoolboy’s principle “them as asks shan’t have.” To a young person, just entering on adult life, the world seems full of “insides,” full of delightful intimacies and confidentialities, and he desires to enter them. But if he follows that desire he will reach no “inside” that is worth reaching. The true road lies in quite another direction. It is like the house in Alice Through the Looking Glass.

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them they should have behaved better.” It is in the same vein as Chesterton’s quote on publication. Chesterton was a journalist first, so this quote carries a lot of authority with it

“In matters of truth the fact that you don’t want to publish something is, nine times out of ten, a proof that you ought to publish it.”

With that in mind I would like you show you something I never planned on publishing. What follows is my “revised” testimony on John 10. John 10, if you recall, is the chapter where Jesus says he is the good shepherd. UBF is all about this chapter, and it is frequently used to solicit what I will call a “shepherd’s confession”. In this confession the person dedicates himself fully to being a shepherd to God’s people which sounds good. In reality the phrase means one dedicates themselves fully to UBF. There is no concept of fulfilling this shepherd calling in any other way. When I wrote my first testimony for John 10 (which was published here) I made sure to explain that Jesus is my shepherd and he will guide me, and secondly it is dangerous to take the shepherd metaphor too literally, and too far. I was told that my testimony was not enough about Jesus. I was told that I had “controversial ideas”. My ideas were compared to Stephan Hawking’s atheist responses to religion. With that in mind I wrote the following masterpiece.

John chapter 10 is about Jesus the good Shepherd. In this passage Jesus explains he is the good shepherd. Jesus protects us and takes care of us and keeps us from straying. He punishes the stubborn sheep to put them back in line. I once heard of a story of Dr. Samuel Lee who would help correct his sheep by dropping them off far away from the Chicago main center so they could learn the humility of Christ when they walked back. In this way he was a shepherd. Jesus is the gate and the only way to obtain salvation. Salvation comes only though a personal relationship with Jesus. No head knowledge is needed and it will hinder and harm a perfect walk with Christ. As Cs Lewis says “[theology] is a way, not the safest way.” In fact the Phrassies were very knowledgeable. Jesus the Shepherd wants his sheep to obey their shepherd. Jesus lays down his life for his sheep and then comes back from the dead as he is given authority to do. This is the basic premise of the passage. But what does this mean for me? It means I need to learn obedience to God’s shepherd. It means I need to accept the idea that I am to be a shepherd otherwise I cannot be sure that I will do what God strenuously desires for my soul. It means that I must be like Jesus. And who was Jesus? He was a shepherd. Since he was a shepherd I must be a shepherd. How did Christ love us? He died for us, but more importantly he made disciples and fed God’s flock. I must do the same. Otherwise I am worthless. “Woe to me if I don’t preach the gospel.” This spiritual milk, this line of reasoning, is needed to help my weak and immature heart. It is necessary to understand my role as God’s kingdom worker.

If I don’t feed God’s sheep I have no mission in my life. If I don’t feed God’s sheep I have only a worldly purpose. Christ wants everything from me. To him no half measures are any good. In perfect obedience to Him and his servants must I be otherwise I will be dead in my purpose. If I do not take up his yoke of raising disciples in accordance to Mat 23:19 I am nothing. I may as well give all I possess to the poor and surrender myself to the flames because I have not the love of Christ in my heart. My worldly pursuits and secular interests take away from the time that I could spend serving God in obedience making disciples and reading the bible. My interests cannot be divided. My key verse for this year even says as much “I would like you to be free from concern an unmarried man is concerned with the Lord’s affairs how can he please the Lord.” I pray that I can be a shepherd like Jesus.

The confusion ran high after this. It was not presented and I have not since had my testimonies edited. I guess I made my point.

The closing testimonies at Campus night last Friday were given by Moses Noah, Jim Rabchuk, and Ron Ward. The title on the program was “Campus mission, my family, and my profession.” The slide presented was the above. I was slightly irritated by this slide, since it ignored family and excluded any mention of Christ. And that was also their point.

Moses Noah gave his testimony about how he had been married and sent to pioneer Atlanta by Samuel Lee in about a month. He said as a recently married graduate student who was committed to pioneering he rarely had time for his wife. Later he shared that he struggled as a professional, trying to juggle a family, a ministry, and a demanding job. Because of his commitment to give everything to God and his mission, he failed to give adequate time for his wife. He said that in the last few years he read Timothy Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage and learned from Ephesians 5 that married couples present their spouses to the Lord. He said “She is my life long project.” And how after 16 years of marriage they had went on a honey moon to Hawaii with their children where they had wedding photos taken. He said that he had been growing as a husband. He never realized how unkind he had been to his own wife and it grieved him greatly looking back. Additionally he shared that God had been so great to him in profession. He nearly lost his job due to his lack of grants, but suddenly God helped him to gain more grants than he could have asked for.

Jim Rabchuk gave the second testimony. He said he had three main goals in his life. His first goal was to be a missionary to Russia. He said he went to Russia shortly after the end of the Cold War and somehow ended up with a wife. I had heard this story from Mark Yang’s book on Discipleship. But in that version of the story all the blame rested on the woman. Here Dr. Rabchuk says he was not ready to marry and did so hastily on the basis of her appearance (although he used the term “seduced”). He said after 4 years his marriage fell apart along with the dream to be a Russian missionary. He went on to describe that his second goal in his life had been to form a large fellowship in Macomb. I have visited Macomb three times in my life, for IMEA competition. When I asked my mother where all the life went I remember her saying “This is Macomb. No man’s land.” He said he watched as pretty much everyone left his ministry. He learned that his dream would not become a reality, and he had to humble himself. His last goal was to be a part of UBF leadership. He said this presented an enormous strain on his family. He said that one Thanksgiving in the middle of dinner he left for a conference. For readers who are not from the states, in America you are more or less required and expected to see your family on Thanksgiving and at Christmas. Failure to do either can result in extreme breakdown of relations. This aspect of the story is telling. It means he was risking huge conflicts with his family, or his family had long since became jaded and just expected that kind of treatment. After leaving he realized he didn’t have enough money in gas to get to the leadership conference. As he said “I began thinking of many ‘by faith ways’ I could come up with the money. But then I realized that at that moment the most important thing in the universe to me was getting to that conference, and I had left my family to do so.” He said that he returned home so that he could finish dinner with his family. He had been working on making do with what God has given him. His testimony was inspiring to me because it did not ring of false humility but of honest to God truthfulness. It is hard to convey this through an article but you could hear the pain in his voice. He went so far as to state “I turned UBF into an idol.” These sentiments that family something to be taken with world mission, and not at its expense are in contrast to what was written in 2007 about family
“Another challenge is the American dream to live a family-centered life, with no mission from God.“- Kevin Albright, Founders Day report

The last speaker was Ron Ward. I met Ron Ward last year when I attended Ben West’s wedding. I remember telling him that at my wedding I wanted to give people silly string and air horns. He said “That would certainly be interesting.” I was so blessed to hear Ron Ward speak. His smooth voice was like a river chocolate. I thought I was going to be taken away by his baby soft voice. He said that current college students want a real message. In the postmodern world the message is increasingly relative and because of the concreteness of the gospel we have a real chance to reach students. But, he added

“We should be deeply concerned with the actions of our leaders. When we are unkind to each other, students won’t take us seriously. Of course we don’t see violence. I don’t see people fist fight. Instead it’s a kind of cold war- gossiping and thinking ‘this is my sheep, don’t come near my sheep’…we cannot expect them to remain in that environment. They should not remain in that environment.”

Honestly I don’t recall the most of the rest of what he said. When I came back several minutes later he was saying “Jesus is saying ‘They are dying. My children are dying you have to help them.’” But I was so stunned by the previous comment and how unbelievable that sounded to me. It is unbelievable because it seemed directed not at students, but at leaders. That is more or less a compete summary of Campus Night.

A few other things of interest
I caught up to a few different people about the recent open letter to the president of UBF. Nobody had heard of it. But when I briefly explained the letter I was told that the voting is different this time around. This time two people are put on a ballot and a simple majority is required, then they are confirmed with a 2/3 vote. I was told that Dr. Abraham T. Kim did not want to run, but was going to anyways. At the Sunday worship service this was also made clear. There is also works to create a membership category and class. This was taking a longer amount of time than usual for various reasons. In speaking about sexual misconduct and abuse I was told that pastors and missionaries are obligated to call the police.

I experienced a lot of other amazing things and caught up to a lot of great people. I enjoyed my time and hope to visit some other time again. I had one of the best bible studies I have ever had with Dr. Augustine Suh, which I hope to write about soon.

Thursday

I arrived late Thursday and had a very long talk with one of the students from the Hyde Park chapter. He asked how things had been. Honestly the messages in my chapter have greatly changed in the last year. I really see that God has worked on my pastor. He no longer adds world mission into places where I do not feel it is obvious. Our relationship is better these days, and he understands that our relationship is very different. I try to understand him more, and I try to communicate more with him. The student was glad to hear. We talked a lot and I got to sleep very late. I had requested to have bible study with the chapter leader the next morning so I was very tired by the time I awoke. He asked me to read the book of Ephesians and give a brief outline.

Friday

I brought my outline to the bible study. I outlined the book as such:

• Blessings of the Spirit
• Who Christ is and his role in God’s redemptive plan.
• Who Paul is and his role in God’s redemptive plan.
What the Church is and its role in God’s redemptive plan.
• How the church ought to act to carry out that plan and how its members should act to help carry out that plan.
• A call to persevere against Satan.

He showed me his outline which was much more detailed. We talked about how the church should proclaim the kingdom. And he taught me how the church should shepherd God’s people, but the context of John 10 needed to be carefully understood. He said that UBF has been given shepherds. I mentioned that while the sacrificial nature of UBF shepherds and their great love for their students was its strength sometimes it was had been over stepped. He corrected me “Many times.” He mentioned that shepherds proclaim the kingdom. It was a very good bible study. Later that day I went to campus night.

Campus Night

People were totally bewildered to see me. I think in large part because I was unaccompanied by my “shepherd”. I suppose it is also surprising to see someone travel such a long way when they are really obligated in any way. It didn’t escape my notice that Yvonne Lee stared for a long time. I eventually moved to the back and when I saw Dr. Augustine he was shocked to see me.

Later Dr. John Lee from Springfield joined. The first speaker was Jacob Lee. I remember he was funny. At one point he said “I was not good enough to called Abraham so they named me Jacob which means deceiver. But I came to like the name since he had 12 sons.” I was put off by his talk. The powerpoint read “Why UBF should remain in world mission.” I didn’t believe this was a point of debate, and furthermore his answer amounted to- because UBF always has. Just because something has always been done one way does not mean it has to. But eventually he made his point. He presented from Stephan Lutz book calling campus mission strategic. I won’t go into details but he gives an outline from that book.

Mark V was the next speaker. His talk was on the history of campus mission movements. Mark V spoke incredibly fast. I was having a hard time keeping up with him. He also had a pained look on his face. I later found out he was in extreme back pain, and I suspect he was trying to get through it as fast as possible. What really struck me about his presentation was that campus mission movements grew out of YMCAs and the student volunteer movement in the mid 19th century. That explains a lot. American imperialism and a drive to evangelize the world have often went hand in hand (along with all their problems too). And here we see it.

It was remarkable how so many of the ideas of the founders of the campus movement are so similar to the ideas that Samuel Lee would later speak of. Hearing these ideas from someone who doesn’t have the history of Samuel Lee gave them more of an air of legitimacy. The frequent quotes from the founders of the student volunteer movement and its role as a parachurch were very helpful for me to understand the core foundational ideas behind UBF and its relation to Christian doctrine and why at times this has been a weak point in campus mission movements.

Kevin Albright went on to give a survey of Intervarsity. He mentioned that they do a lot of the same things as UBF. They do inductive bible study for instance. He also mentioned that many people in their organization were not encouraged at times, and the author of the book he read on Intervarsity regrets that they were not given more help. One thing he mentioned that struck me was that Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) was more for new converts and Intervarsity was more for discipleship.

Here he meant “discipleship” as “become a more mature Christian”. But for me I have always understood discipleship as growing in Christ in whatever capacity the Holy Spirit moved you. For me I have been taught that a Christian is a disciple and a disciple is a Christian (Acts 11:26, Ephesians 2:19-22). So for me telling me someone is not a disciple is the same as saying they are not Christian. But one can be a Christian and not mature. Although it is dangerous to judge or label, a goal of maturing Christians is a noble one at the very least (this makes no mention of the methods however). To call UBF a “discipleship ministry” has always been redundant to me.

In the next article I will talk about the last few speakers. I was more than a little surprised (and inspired) by their testimonies. I also caught up to someone on Joe Schafer’s recent letter, so I will include that next time too.

When I was 4 I asked my mother how I didn’t know I was living in a dream. She stood confused, contemplating the question herself. I don’t remember what her answer was, unfortunately. But this question has been asked several times throughout the ages. For me my eventual answer was “Dreaming feels different.” I want to use this to springboard to a related topic. How do you know you are brainwashed?

Dreaming is a lot like brainwashing. To be clear, when I say brainwashing- the term immediately implies that the idea trying to be pushed onto you is false. You cannot brainwash someone into believing Jesus is the son of man, you can brainwash him into thinking Jesus is man’s sun. The claim of brainwashing gets thrown back and forth a lot. I have heard ex UBF members tell me UBF will brainwash me, and I have heard UBF members tell me ex UBF members will brainwash me.
The problem with the brainwashing narrative is that it ignores that people can think. Dr. Ben can no more turn me away from UBF than he can tell me that the sun is pulled by chariots from dawn to dusk. I struggled a lot with this topic of brainwashing when I first read things from people. How do I know? I would say that it is easy to test if you are in a dream. Do something you cannot normally do. Many times when I have nightmares I wake up just enough so that I can change them. Suddenly I can do anything I want. If you think you are being brainwashed then my advice is to change something and see what happens. Do you think there are hidden rules? Break them, see what happens. If you can change the dream, it’s not a dream to you. Otherwise it might take a while to wake up. Cs Lewis remarks that we cannot fit the waking world into the dreaming world, but we can vice versa

“This is how I distinguish dreaming and waking. When I am awake I can, in some degree, account for and study my dream. The dragon that pursued me last night can be fitted into my waking world. I know that there are such things as dreams: I know that I had eaten an indigestible dinner: I know that a man of my reading might be expected to dream of dragons. But while in the nightmare I could not have fitted in my waking experience. The waking world is judged more real because it can thus contain the dreaming world: the dream world is judged less real because it cannot contain the waking one.”

Does your life fit into the church and its doctrines? Or does your church and its doctrines fit into your life? The distinction seems necessary.

When I listened to Grace’s testimony about her struggle with her teacher and friends I realize clearly that for many people they view Christianity as just a system of morals. The position is that the bible is first and foremost about ethics, and there is an idea that Jesus should be transcended in favor of the ethics he gives. At least that is their position. This is why you hear all this rubbish about Jesus being a good moral teacher. This idea was present with my friend Ali I had dinner with last week. He struggles with atheism and feels like the world is meaningless. He wants to kill himself at times and experiments with drugs to try to find anything to help him find meaning. He used to be Muslim but after a year of evangelizing him he gave up Islam. But to my sadness instead of becoming Christian he became atheist. The other night we met for dinner and after an hour of conversation he admitted that it is easier to live with yourself as a Christian, but it is harder to be a Christian. Nevertheless he would not believe. His point was ultimately the same as Kant, religion is about ethics, and while he said he had no ethics, he then said he had ethics. So there was no problem for him. In the past when I read the bible I always thought of morality and ethics when I read “Repent.” I had been taught that it means turning away from a sin. But it means something more than that. Kant was wrong. Jesus says in Mark’s gospel “Repent and believe the good news.” The word ‘repent’ is the same as John the Baptist used. The word literally means “to go beyond the mind that you have”. As you recall from his sermon, the word used is metanoia. When I break a rule or violate my conscience I am called to go beyond the mind I have. But more than that, Jesus urges us to change our way of thinking and see the world that is coming. The priest said that morality is not the central theme of the New Testament. The theme is a coming of a new way of things. A paradigm shift to viewing things unseen that ends in Revelations 21 with the New Jerusalem. That is why St. Paul tells the Corinthians that the time is short. That is why the scriptures say that what matters is a new creation. Why all of Paul’s achievements are nothing, why he tells the Roman’s their deeds are nothing, why circumcision means nothing. The predominate message of the early church was nothing besides the resurrection of Christ. The transformation of this world into some more, something greater. The curse that Adam brought, death is in retreat. That is the message of repentance. To go beyond death, by dying so that Jesus might live inside you.

At the heart of it all is a choice. Repentance requires a decision. We need Christ’s help to make this decision.To repent, to go beyond one’s mind is a choice. It is faith to step out into the unknown and depend on God. The forerunners to my culture believed that a man is his own master. The American dream is at its core the idea that I control my destiny. But as Kierkegaard states, when man is dependent on God, he is independent. When I make a choice I exclude all other choices. And the choice to repent excludes non repentance, and while this seems easy to understand, I constantly feel like I want it both ways. I want to repent but not really change anything. And while John says “The kingdom of heaven is near.” Jesus says “you are not far from the Kingdom”. Jesus helps me, and when I am unwilling he helps me become willing. I think of all that he has done for me and all that I have done by his power and grace and I am confident in his might. I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me. Let me go beyond this mind I have and take up my place with children of God. There is room for another at the foot of the cross.

“Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter I do not regret it.”

2 Corinthians 7:8-10 “Even if i caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it- I see that my letter hurt you but only for a little while. Yet know I am happy not because you were made sorry but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regrets. But worldly sorrow brings death.”

KV “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regrets.” 2 Cor 7:10

When we think about suffering and sorrow many Christians shy away from the topic. Images of starving children and broken hearted widows abound. Today’s message is on the topic of suffering. I picked the topic because a wise man once told me that if a lay person is to give a sermon, it is best if they give the message exactly where they are in their walk with the Lord. So where am I at with the Lord? Yesterday Hope and I went ice skating. Afterwards she asked me how I saw the gospel in our ice skating. I told her “I let you fall because otherwise you would have never learned.” This is the first use of suffering, to allow a person to succeed they must be allowed to fall. We can see that in this way suffering is a prerequisite to the goodness of God. In his love he allows us to fall because otherwise we cannot move forward to Him. We are fallen, and we fell after God in his love gave man free will, a free will that was needed for love to have any meaning. So we find that suffering produces perseverance, so that we might love and be loved.

The second purpose of suffering is one parents are all too familiar with. A parent who has repeatedly warned a child will often say “Fine. Learn the hard way.” Suffering is when our heavenly father says “Fine. Learn the hard way.” God uses suffering to shatter that illusion that we like to create for ourselves. The illusion that says “I am sufficient without you God.” Of course “there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” (Pro 16:25) and a very wise and common rebuke by church elders is not to love the gifts of God more than God himself. Truly created things have kept me from God, yet if they had not been in Him they would have not been at all. Nevertheless our God hates idols. He destroys idols. Christ zealously destroys our idols, calls, shouts to us in our deafness. He shines with such radiance that even in our blindness we see him. Like the sun at noon all shadows fade. Suffering awakens us to the fact that any creation is inferior to its creator. The most beautiful masterpiece can never be called a child of God. I like to think of a poor man who made a beautiful masterpiece. Years after his death his art was remember and cast high in the opinion of mankind. But the man was a Christian, and so to God he was his child and the masterpiece nothing more than a passing thought. Moreover when we establish an idol over God he breaks that idol with suffering. “He who is exalted will be humbled, he who is humble will be exalted.” So sufferings come to good and bad men in the same way, but even though the suffering is the same the sufferer is different. The Godly are brought closer to God through their suffering. The worldly and wicked become more desperate. As the unholy see all their idols destroyed they become worse and worse. After putting all their stake in becoming educated they feel unfulfilled so they place their worth in finding an attractive spouse. When they find this does not fulfill them, they look for more money and on and forth. They keep trying to fill the spot in their heart that was made for the living God. Every time the idol fails to bring about fulfillment they feel sorrowful. In the end this sorrow leads to death. We find that suffering is like a hammer. It can be used to build up or teardown. Christ builds us up. Unlike idols he never fails. As Christ suffered our sufferings ought to become like His. As we become like him we take our place as sons and daughters of God. Indeed the son of God became the son of man so that the sons of men might become the sons of God. Amen. Admittedly, suffering doesn’t get a lot of praise. People liken suffering to death. Afterall, the wages of sin are death. But the cross turns death into a victory. In a sardonic turn of events we find that death leads to life, and as the passage today assures us that suffering ultimately leads to salvation. Salvation! That’s the gospel right there. How can you expect to be like Christ of you never carry a cross. How can you be like Christ if you never put the will of the Father before yourself? We consider that our present sufferings are not even worth comparing with the future glory of God. This is what was meant by verse “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regrets.”

Now that we have an understanding of what suffering is, why it exists, and how it’s relevant to the gospel; the next question is how any of this relates to us day to day. You may agree with all I have spoken- but might think it to be impractical musing. With the understanding that suffering is for our benefit we might now address how this should look in our lives. I admit that there is a difference between knowing a path and waking it, and that I often fail in what I am about to say. But I am convinced of its truth. The truth is this: Godly suffering is for the sake of others. Christ did not suffer for his own sake, but for the sake of everyone else. Abraham when be left everything behind suffered, but ultimately he blessed all nations. Mary suffered indignation and the possibility of death when she became pregnant as a virgin, but birthed a savior. Stephan was stoned for the truth, but his death led Paul to later become a powerful witness to the gentiles. Godly suffering is for the sake of others. As such sufferings should lead us to continually love our neighbor. This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. We should strive to have a spirit of sacrifice even when we feel down and out. When you find yourself suffering under the stress of school or work, when you find yourself being persecuted by those who hate you because you will not conform to the pattern of this world, when you struggle with your spouse or co-worker. Never stop loving others. Never stop sacrificing for others. The Apostle John testifies that your sacrifice will not be in vain. “The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” And what is the will of God? To love one other. Jesus says “A new command I give you: love…” As you love and suffer God will never leave you, he will never forsake you. Job testified admits his suffering “If only there were someone to arbitrate between us, to lay his hand upon us both, someone to remove God’s rod from me so that his terror would frighten me no more.” Unlike Job we now have Christ the Lamb of God, worthy. Let his light shine on us so that we might shine upon others. Let us suffer so that we might become like Christ. His grace transforms us. Redeems us. His love never leaves us. As the apostle says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” When you struggle remember that Christ suffered more. He could have came down from cross. But he didn’t. So I am asking you, I am begging you, I commanding you: struggle until end, never giving up because Christ never gave up on us.

As I was saying then. When I was asked by Dr. Ben Toh if I wanted to maybe marry someone from the Philippines I was so eager to marry I just said yes. After all that was my main goal all along for being in UBF.

Actually…that’s the story I had told to me sometime later, and I am sure is not an isolated bit of gossip. It is very far from the truth, but what they say about me makes little difference. Such a story is deeply hurting to me as it denies that I struggled so hard against the very accusation. Truth is, as they say- not something you could have guessed. My goal will not to defend any of those stories beyond giving a demonstrative account and letting the audience decide for itself. So then…

When I was asked by Dr. Ben Toh if I wanted to maybe marry someone from the Philippines I told him no. More specifically I said I didn’t want to marry and even if I wanted to go to the Philippines I didn’t have money to go there. While the question was tactfully asked, I had been fighting against marriage by faith for so long I wasn’t about to be taken in by someone whom I barely knew. I was well aware of Dr. Ben’s previous “shepherd” life and I was unsure of what and how he viewed marriage by faith. I had read that many shepherds gain prestige or even glory from marrying native leaders, so if Dr. Ben had not changed, I then expected him to try to convince me. If Dr. Ben was like the others, I reasoned he would pay for me to go there or at least say that there are happily married Americans in UBF to Filipinas, or maybe even something about how Filipinos were not like Koreans. To my surprise he didn’t do any of that. In fact his response was further proof that he had changed from his old days of telling people to threaten divorce to keep them in UBF. He said that it wouldn’t be marriage, that you could just meet someone and date her or whatever. There was no commitment to him, no promise of anything. Furthermore, he said since I didn’t have enough money he could just pass my email along and we would pray. No heavy handed deception, no mention of Genesis 24. It didn’t seem uncommon from something I would tell a good friend if he was looking for someone to date.

Then something remarkable happened. I had met someone from the Philippines UBF on Facebook. She was one of the student leaders in the Philippines. She invited me for Easter, with no knowledge of the prior conversation with Dr. Ben. Again, I thanked her but told her that I didn’t have money. Then that week I received a rather large income tax return. Apparently my mother had failed to claim me as a depended (she could have and I expected her to) which made my tax return exactly enough for a plane flight for Easter. But still problems existed. I did not have enough time off to make such a trip, but as God would have it I discovered I had more time that I thought, additionally I had Good Friday off school, and moreover I would lose all my time off at the end of April. That meant I had to use it sometime in April. But even then I had promised my pastor that I would go with him to Europe for the conference in the fall. That Friday he asked me if I was still going, I said yes and asked the price of the plane ticket. To my surprise he was willing to pay half my ticket amount. The rest is history. I flew to the Philippines and met the woman I am now engaged to. To be clear, I was not engaged there, or even to the woman who invited me.

As far as fiancé is concerned, I could never have expected someone better. I was worried about certain strange legalisms and such from her, but the whole chapter there seemed immune to it. I suspect it’s all the grace. She is quite wonderful and I could never have imagined anyone better. She is kind, compassionate, and loves everyone. She is selfless, supportive, and smart.

Although I did not propose, promise marriage, or even state we were dating- people back home in UBF by and large treated it like I was everything but married. The reactions were extremely varied. My friends thought it was border line insane, but since they are my friends they just expect stuff like this from me. My family was hesitant at first, but after meeting her they loved her and thought it was good for me to marry her. For me this was perhaps most important, your family knows you better than anyone and if they disapprove of a spouse there is usually a very good reason. More than a few UBF missionaries and leaders were excited. More than a few UBF missionaries were apathetic, they ignored it. One missionary in particular became infuriated. She told me that my marriage would not last with her because it wasn’t from “God”. I had talked a lot with this missionary about her experience and knew that her family had rejected her marriage by faith decades earlier. When I asked how this case was different from hers she said that I didn’t have the guidance of Godly people. She then never spoke to me either in person or on Facebook and condemned Dr. Ben Toh’s “attempt to shepherd you”. This reaction was unique to her and in stark contrast to my chapter which more or less accepted it and became very excited. It took about a month for everyone to get used to it. My roommate gave little direct response, but he expressed grumblings not unlike Mat 20:9-16 on a few occasions.

I am not sure what is to be taken away from this story. God truly works despite barriers and issues. I am so thankful for what God has done in my life and I cannot wait to start the next chapter of my life as a married man.

1. Words have different definitions and meanings, especially food

A common irritation the whole time I was in the Philippines was that words had different definitions. It was most common with food. For example, when I got to the Philippines I was asked if I wanted spaghetti. I said yes and was given some spaghetti. As soon as I tried it I said “What is this? This isn’t spaghetti. It’s too sweet.” Nothing tasted like what it was. This wasn’t always for the worse, the eggs were fried in palm oil and they were amazing. But it made a common joy of life, eating, fraught with anxiety. On more than one occasion someone would spend a lot of money on food for me after I told them I liked that food, they would bring it to me and I would struggle to eat whatever it was I supposedly liked. But it wasn’t just with food. The term “every now and then” which in English means “occasionally” means “constantly” in the Philippines. This led to confusion a lot when I first arrived. I learned very late that if you want to politely ask someone to do something you say “Would you like to…” it is the American equivalent of “You should…” Once I was asked “Would you like to use a spoon?” and I just said “No.” The person was likely put off. I actually talked to a missionary last Sunday. She told me that it was the same when she arrived. She would enjoy a certain food but the American version would be so much saltier, so she would just eat Korean food. I wonder how many missionaries have come the US thinking they like American food and when they get here realize they hate the real thing.

2. No matter how hard you think you are adjusting you never are in their eyes

As much as I felt like I had adjusted and was adjusting. I could tell people didn’t think I was. Off hand comments about me that were not intended as insulting, but always referenced that I wasn’t really adjusting were common. I can only imagine being in America for 30 years and feeling like you are truly American. Then you say one thing a little bit wrong or make some Korean gesture and suddenly you “aren’t adjusted”. It would infuriate me, and it really gave me a realization for how hard it is to be a missionary. Many times I see and feel like because Koreans are not speaking English in my presence they havn’t really adjusted, but when I realize they could if they chose- never speak English. They would probably prefer it that way.

3. You resist changing because you know what is “right”, and because you are “right”, you are “elite”.

More than a few times I had conflicts. These conflicts often occurred because I expected something according to my standard, and then Hope, my fiancé, would explain “It’s not America.” But inside I wouldn’t want to change. That is how things are done. People get straws with the purchase of large Coke. You should be able to order a pizza without the tomatoes on top. I should be able to bring my soda into a store that doesn’t sell soda. I should have hot water in my shower if I pay for a hotel room. I should eat dinner by 5. If there is a conflict I should straight forwardly tell people about it, not just say nothing. Every time I had a conflict I was explained that that is not the way it works in the Philippines. I would agree but in my mind say “But that isn’t how it should be…” It isn’t a stretch of the imagination to see how Korean ideals and culture and this idea of “how it should be…” could cause an issue. My culture and its ideals dictate “how it should be…” What is more, it lead me to feel elite. Because I know how things “should be” it made me feel better. As much as I tried to repress, repent, and not act on this. Even when I acknowledged it I couldn’t drive it away. I don’t know what can be done. Can it be that the missionary must give up their culture to join another? Is this the true calling of the missionary? More and more I think that the missionary life requires throwing off one’s culture for another, otherwise pride will always blind a person from being a true example of Jesus.

4. Love is complicated by conflicting cultures.

Many missionaries marry the native people they serve. I know of at least 2 couples in UBF. To be clear I am using missionary as UBF sense of “any person in a different country who is also in UBF”. One thing I found was that cultures have pretty strict rules on courtship. These rules are so deeply imbedded in people that it can cause huge issues. Filipino courtship is all about serving the other person. The man is expected to carry objects for the girl, hold an umbrella, etc. The woman is expected to serve the man by making food, caring for him in sickness, looking out for his wellbeing, etc. Amercian courtship has all but eliminated chivalry. It is seem as “clingy” or “desperate” to constantly be fawning over and looking after a person. The issue is love is shown by these actions, so it appears that I don’t love her if I don’t so these things. I wonder how many early marriage by faiths failed because of this. How many still do? I don’t have an answer but it seems like a remarkably hard thing. Marrying someone in the same culture is much easier. Remarkably I understand how frustrated missionaries must be when they are trying to show love. I know for many missionaries to love someone is to lord over them, this seems cultural. The concept of love is so deeply imbedded that it causes huge issues, as it does in courtship. I understand now how hard it is. You feel like you are loving someone and then suddenly they are upset. What did I do? I was just trying to love you! Jesus told me to!

And that is a basic summary of what I learned with regards to missionaries. I am interested in what you all think. Remember, to explain something isn’t to justify it. How can we work towards missionaries, should we even do so? How much should a native person change and bear with a missionary? These are all good questions.

When I first discovered about marriage by faith I was in shock. For those who are new readers marriage by faith typically works like this. Your personal mentor, usually referred to as a shepherd, decides you are ready to marry. He asks you if you are ready to marry. If you say no he waits and prays. He might ask you from time to time. But eventually once you say yes he picks someone from UBF and puts the two of you together. You are encouraged to make a choice quickly for God, and once that happens you marry in a short period of time. Your marriage from the start is all about honoring God, which means you are expected to become a missionary, pastor, or personal shepherd yourself. This is the mission of marriage as explained by most UBF people.

All of this seems tame but as I read about this topic and questioned it more it made me uneasy. It is a bad thing to feel uneasy about your marriage, since as I have mentioned it is so important. Here are the things I was uneasy about after reading nearly everything on the internet about the topic, and after speaking with dozens of people all around the world who were married by faith. I am not saying these always happen, but I read about it enough for me to become very concerned about marriage by faith.

• The pastor, director, or shepherd gets between the couple if it is seen as being in the interest of the UBF chapter.
• The pastor, director, or shepherd picks a person who is very loyal to UBF to marry someone who is not so loyal, and uses to loyal member to keep the not so loyal member in the chapter.
• Children are seen as being secondary to world mission and are treated as such. Reports of children being left in rooms alone while the parents were in a prayer meeting were common.
• Pastors, directors, shepherds not sharing to one of the to-be-married people very critical information that someone being arranged married ought to know such as mental illness, homosexual tendencies, stds, etc.
• The families of the arranged parties being very nearly the last thought. Reports of families pushed aside.
• Extremely sudden marriages after engagement.
• Cancelled marriages when one party did not show enough loyalty. In at least one case a kidnapping of one of a bride to be.
• A coercive effort to stop any dating because marriage by faith is the best way to marry.
• A contrived argument based on an Old Testament narrative that because Isaac married Rebekah in the way he did, we should also; while in truth the practice is an Asian tradition being held up with a flimsy theological backing.
• Dishonesty about what marriage by faith is, how it happens, and why it exists.

I cannot tell you how much I wanted to ignore these things. I really hated dating, and I really saw that the women who were married in UBF were Godly and loved Jesus. I really cannot impress that enough here. The women in UBF are nearly all kind, gracious, loving, and gentle. I had always deeply feared that I would not find someone. Most of my teenage years were spent praying for someone who would love me one day. Even when I was dating as a high school I had marriage on my mind. I intentionally did not date anyone my last two years of high school because I knew we could never marry if we went to different colleges. So for me I wanted to accept Marriage by Faith, but even as I tried to turn a blind eye to all the problems; the one that kept haunting me was how my bible studies kept trying to enforce it. The argument to marry by faith came up again and again where I felt like it didn’t belong. And in my heart I just could not accept such a lie masquerading as truth. At some point my questions became such that I was actually accused of jealously of my roommate. At this point I swore off the practice all together. I told people I wanted to be celibate. I was laughed at. I told people I didn’t want to marry now.  I thought I would give it more time. Better that I say “no” then “yes” than “yes” then “no” was my thought. After being held at gun point by a student I knew I couldn’t go back to my high school, but I needed a job. South Korea had been an option the summer before. I was praying for God’s direction. I knew what going to South Korea would mean and I was told that “God” would pick someone for me to marry if I went there. I was so conflicted as to what to do. I needed a job more than anything and Korea was a sure thing. But marriage? If I talked to missionaries they wouldn’t understand, if I talked to my friends they wouldn’t understand. In my heart of hearts I wanted to marry but every part of me screamed that this was just so wrong. I had nightmares about it. “You can’t be forced to do anything.” Is what I thought, but then I wondered how much self-control I could have after meeting a kind, wonderful, person who loved God. Would I really be strong enough to turn her down? It was consuming all my time. I was reading everything I could, just hoping that I could find something that would let me accept it and would ease my mind. But the more I read the worse it got. I started fearing that someone would be suddenly be introduced, and that I would be so stricken that I lost my sense of reason. I was at a cross road. It was the greatest struggle of my adult life, and it was a struggle I held in secret. I pleaded with God. If this is really your will let that be done I prayed. At the last minute I applied to graduate school last. I did not expect to get in since my grades were not good. God saves and I was accepted to graduate school. I knew in graduate school I would not be bothered by the marriage question. My chapter had had other graduate students and they were always so busy that the missionaries respected their study and did not often bring up the marriage topic. I had been in conversation with a certain Dr. Benjamin Toh, whom I met through this blog. I told him excitedly “At least they won’t talk about marriage anymore.” And his reply was something that changed my life: “Do you want to be married?…”

Next time I will discuss how God answered me.

• My marriage by faith -­ my unusual experience with ubf’s most infamous sacrament

• Missionary empathy­ – how living in another country gave me a new perspective of the missionaries in my chapter

• Filipino cults amidst a devoted people – how bad theology infects a pious people

• An unedited message­ – My sermon on 2 Corinthians 7:8­-10. See what the Holy Spirit led me to write

• The harvest is plentiful – a report of the Christmas services in the Philippines.

• What does it mean to be American? – how I learned about my identity as an American among my brothers and sisters in Christ

Let me know which ones you especially like in the comments. I plan on getting to all of them eventually.

January-Febuary

The first few months was a dark time for me. It started out with me crashing my car and getting trapped in a blizzard in Indianpolis. Then a close friend suddendly left UBF and told me never to talk to her again. I struggled greatly with a lot of people in the ministry here and met Mark Yang who confirmed nearly every bad thing I had heard about UBF. In February I found out my work was not keeping me on for the next year and this made my future unsure. I looked to teaching English in South Korea. This brought with it the option to marry “by faith” a Korean woman. I was so scared that I would be taken by the looks of her and forget my convictions that I decided against it. In the very late part of Febuary I was accepted to graduate school. It was something I didn’t think would happen.

March-April

In March I has a student pull a gun on me and I decided that I would certainly be going to graduate school. I was invited by Rem to attened the Philippines Easter conference and I also attended that UBF conference in Missouri along with Kansas City UBF and others. In April I went to the Philippines were I saw the grace of God laid bare. So much happiness and joy it felt as though heaven itself had colonized this island. At this time I met Hope from the Philippines UBF and started corresponding with her daily. A significantly longer article would still not begin to say enough about her. I also discovered my tuition would be waived for graduate school and I would become a graduate assistant.

May-June

My school finished around the same time that my brother proposed. Unfortunately he was arrested the next day because as it turns out stealing thousands of dollars isn’t allowed. I used my rent money to bail him out but my mother refused to let me come home. Luckily my grandmother came through and I stayed with her. I also saw my roommate get married and met Dr. Ben Toh at this time. (His profile picture does a good job at making him look taller than he is.)

July-August

I gave a sermon in Springfield UBF as well as for St. Louis. The former was from Romans. It concerned the purpose of Jesus. The latter was on the woman with the Alabaster jar and the her devotion. I moved back and started graduate school.

September-October

My brother found out he would not go to jail and was married. He also failed to return a rented ladder with my debit card which became his Christmas gift. I bought a ticket to go back to the Philippines.

November-December

In Novemeber I discovered that one of my professors had been abusing his authority over me. I discovered he had also been telling the college I was not proficient in calculus. I took a special exam over calculus 1,2, and 3. The department was reduced to calling me “brilliant” and I was allowed to keep my assistantship for next year. I am currently in the Philippines learning the thankfulness of what it means to be given so much and seeing the grace of Christ daily.

I cannot be thankful enough for the grace and truth of Christ this year. May he be with me always until the end of the age.

And this is what Ferguson needs. It needs laws that do not bind us to inaction. This country needs laws that do not allow police offices that are legally allows to shoot an unarmed teen over nine times and leave him in the street for four and half hours. Ferguson needs a state prosecutor who is not legally allowed to give out statues deems unconstitutional in 1985 and correct them three days before deliberation ends. Ferguson needs to know that justice exists. It needs to know that our country of laws values black lives and white lives in the same manner. It needs to know that tear gassing protesters and bringing in a militarized police force is imperious. It needs to know that in our country stealing cigars is not punishable by death. It needs to know that excessive force in the name of protection is a means that undoes an end.

Ferguson needs peace makers- blessed are they. It needs impractical men. Men who are willing to stand up for what is right and just and true.  Ferguson needs the most impractical, practical men. Men who judge actions, and furthermore act. Vox populi vox dei is our maxim. Our actions can only be successful when they are over, if we are to begin they must in the abstract right. My conscience rejects that an unarmed black teen deserved death for not getting out of the street fast enough. I have been to those neighborhoods. I have taught teens just like Michael Brown. I nearly became Michael Brown’s math teacher. For all of my experience it is clear that authority does not grant freedom from the law. Authority exists in the context of law, not in spite of it. If the laws allow for such a heinous action then the laws themselves are unjust. Prudence dictates that law ought not to be changed for light and passing causes, but change in the law ought not to be intractable. Mankind will suffer under the law before it changes the law assuming the law is sufferable. But when the law itself allows for the destruction of the basic tenet of existence perquisite to the law itself- life, it becomes not only a necessity but duty of the people to stand against the law, practically in the form of protests. Impractically in the creation of new laws and examination of the old law to determine the protection of all people regardless of race, religion, creed, or gender. This is what Ferguson needs. It is what the world needs. Behind this law lies the mysterious person who fulfilled the law. He is justice itself. He is what Ferguson needs more than all, for he who has Christ and everything has nothing more than he who has Christ alone.

I stand with the people of Ferguson. May Christ stand with them as well.

I recall a childhood story about a girl from India. She was arranged to marry someone from birth. The girl grew up and fell in love with another man and when the time came for her to marry she told her family no. “But this is how it has always been. You marry the man that has been decided.” But the girl, now woman said “But why does it have to be how it has always been? I will still marry.” This is very much the story of a person trying to change the methods while preserving the ideal. In one sense our task as Christians in judging the aims and means is very easy. For most of us the aim is quite easy to judge. A confusion of methodologies and ideologies is a constant source of problem across many different disciplines and institutions. It is very much the story of a person attempting to break tradition.

To start there is wisdom in tradition. Tradition has been tried, and it has worked for a long time. I have heard it described that tradition is giving votes to our ancestors. When going against tradition one must be very careful. There are often times unknown dangers that come with the territory. I like to think of the practice of cohabitation that developed in the midcentury. Prior to this the method of courtship never contained living together prior to marriage. Then my parent’s generation questioned this norm and now most contemporary courtship contains cohabitation. Sadly this method has been tried and found wanting. Couples who live together prior to marriage tend to have less successful marriages.

Sometimes though the methodology is tried and is found to be better. The norm used to be that women could not hold jobs outside of strictly “matronly” activities like being a man’s assistant or housing a large number of kids for 8 hours a day. With women entering the work force the size and scope of the American economy has grown. This was greatly resisted. Gk Chesterton, the man I quoted up above, went so far as to say that women were selling themselves into the slavery of their employers.

The problem with evaluating Christian tradition is that is quickly becomes bogged down in ideology. They are often times confused. This happens outside of Christianity when people equate science, a methodology, to atheism, an ideology. Historically they have been viewed as the same, because the methodology comes by authority, which is given by scripture which is the basis of the ideology. I am a firm believer in being orthodox in our beliefs. To be relativistic is to be intellectually weak. On the other hand our methodology has to be relativistic. There is scriptural basis for this. “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.” (1 Cor 12:4-6) “But test them all; hold on to what is good” A methodology is pretty easy to test. If the methodology goes against natural law then it has no basis in scripture. By natural law I mean anything that contributes to the family life. If a Christian methodology overwhelmingly leads to anything that abuses or harms a family or person, this methodology should be discarded. There is nothing else to say. The methodology should also make the person into the ideal. Does your Christian methodology produce people like Christ? If the answer is no then it should be discarded. These are the criterion for our methods. Note that this criterion is a product of the ideal, Christ and his love for us as creations of God the Father. If you have a verse that disagrees with the criterion then criterion is not wrong your interpretation is, because Christ and his love are beyond question for the Christian.

One common response is not that the method does not work, just that the person is not taking to the method perfectly. Indeed nobody can follow Christ perfectly but we are to try anyways. I have heard it said “He is rejecting the call of discipleship.” The tacit implication is that the person is wrong and the method is not. This argument seems to carry weight, but we can easily compare the magnitude of the result of the methodology when it is hypothetically being rejected to the norm. When we find terrible, terrible stories of suicide, divorces, and the like- all in the name of becoming like Jesus the evidence seems to indicate that the method is in the wrong. Not the person.

In summary, we cannot escape methodology as teachers and leaders of the church. But we ought to test everything. We should be orthodox in our aims, but relative in our methods.

I have only been in my current chapter for a little over a year now, but I feel like what happened last night was something, by accounts of many former and current long standing members that at the very least was very new. Instead of having a bible study, testimony sharing bible symposium my pastor decided that we should do something to minister to non-believers, or sceptics. This was a key idea in Stephan Lutz’s book that was required reading for UBF leaders recently. The idea that book, of which I cannot recall the name, is that if only minister to the churched we are not really fulfilling the great commission. As followers of Christ we must take the message to the places that need it the most and this includes hostile arenas. In my experience colleges offer the most hostile arenas for the modern evangelist. I can recall just two days ago a pastor coming to SIUE to preach on the quad. He was assaulted by an atheist after affirming that Levitical Law was the word of God (to be fair to all involved, his wording could have been a little bit better in light of Galatians…) I was very inspired by the change I saw in my pastor’s move for this. Here are some things of note.

An Unrestricted Forum

As a teacher I know well the danger that comes with an unrestricted forum. It can lead to some major issues. If we allow for all opinions, it is very easy to run into situations where people’s emotions get the best of them. It also allows for people to make themselves looks vulnerable (read: stupid). The bonus is it allows for some major change in people. The degree in which is can be bad is also the degree in which it can be good. I was under the impression that the conversation would be more of a panel style. This would allow for no possibility of the above problems. When I arrived I found that it was more of an open forum. I also discovered we had ran out of room. We had so many students that half the missionaries moved to the hall to make room.

The bible answer men

We looked hard to find an authority to host the forum. Some more prominent UBF leaders such as Dr. Ben Toh were invited but regrettably could not make it. I was selected by default because I had lived for 4 years with an atheist in college. My former roommate’s father also joined me. The pastor made the 3^rd but we still wanted a key note answer man. For this I invited Missionary Nirosh from Springfield UBF. He is fairly new to UBF in Springfield. Nirosh is quite a character. He is originally from Sri Lanka. He tried Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam and Rastafarianism before he came to Christianity. He has missioned in Papua New Guinea, India and Indonesia mostly dealing with tribal peoples. He is the most graceful man I know. In addition to runing a company that helps various groups improve their public image, he is also frequently called in when various Christian organizations need advice on changing their image. He was truly a God send. Nirosh is also the most graceful man I know and he delivers the message in Springfield UBF once a month.

Adam

Adam was the only actual atheist who was there. All the other students in attendance were Christian. I want to note two things from this. First I believe that many college Christians want answers to the challenges to Christianity. They don’t merely seek the basic gospel, for many growing up in church this has all been made known to them. Many college Christians fall away from faith because these lingering doubts grow and go unanswered. Adam had a list of questions to answer and instead of a panel style discussion it turned into Adam asking a list of questions he brought and the whole room answering him. I tried to directly answer him as best as I could. Nirosh’s answers would often times be so full of grace I felt as though they could not be possibly convincing but never the less this caused Adam to soften as the night went on. He was not so hostile by the end and I was thankful for his arrival. He was born and raised a Jew, so he actually had a very accurate knowledge of the Old Testament. Things became awkward when he said something that one of the missionary’s daughters took as an accusation. Her voice was calm but I could tell she was livid. He apologized and things moved along.

The Mormon

The last topic on the agenda was the exclusivity and sufficiency of Jesus Christ. Adam quickly asked which Christianity we meant and I said that we meant traditional Christianity as affirmed by the Nicene Creed. I paused and then said “We must also add the Anathansian Creed. It gives the doctrine of the trinity. The word “trinitas” appears nowhere in the New Testament. We will exclude other Christian groups who do not hold this such as Mormonism.” This caused a Mormon to become very upset with me. She said I had no right or authority to claim Mormonism was not Christianity and she had known Christ all her life. She said she was unsure of where I heard such a claim. I remarked as such “I may be wrong, but my source is Ravi Zacharias. He is a well-known theologian who actually spoke at the Mormon tabernacle some years ago.” My pastor then asked her about the trinity. I was upset but then something remarkable happened. Paul started speaking to her about how God was coeternal and that only the sacrifice of Jesus was needed for salvation. “No!” he nearly yelled when she objected “Only the sacrifice of Jesus is necessary.” This was in stark contrast to the Mormon version of things which says that Jesus is not atonement but actually an example. That we must follow the law. Nirosh turned to the Adam and said “This is why we don’t bring these things up.” Adam smiled. This woman and my pastor had a discussion on the faith vs works and the trinity with my pastor citing On the Incarnation of the Word to refute her. At some point Nirosh calmed things down by saying that while she may not believe in those aspects of Mormonism he had spoken with Mormons who denied that God was triune.

 
Conclusion
Overall I felt like the conference was a great success despite the awkwardness I felt at times. I am unsure I want to be the answer man again because it was very frightening to me at times. With my friends who are unbelievers I can speak easily, but to total strangers it requires a lot more confidence that felt lacking in me at times.

Recently, my pastor among others is in Chicago for Samuel Lee’s birthday party. To save some effort I will refer to him as “Sam” for the rest of this, mostly because full names are for Roman emperors and criminals. As far as I know he is neither. When I think of the reverence given to Sam the closest comparison in my life has to be Cs Lewis. I wondered openly if I had perhaps given Cs Lewis too much authority as I read that verse in Galatians. I believe that only scripture is authoritative, yet I find I refer to Cs Lewis in many cases more often than the bible. I realized there were some clear similarities between how many view Sam and how I view Cs Lewis. I wondered “Have I ever heard Cs Lewis say something wrong? If I did would I point it out? Or would I just make excuses like people do for other revered leaders.”

Before I answer that I believe it is critical to know how I view Cs Lewis. When I was 8 years old I was assigned a mentor at school to read with me. The school realized that my mother was not reading with me. For the Christmas of 2000 I was given The Magician’s Nephew. We read about half of it before he moved on for whatever reason. When I was a freshman in college I was given a copy of Mere Christianity for my birthday by my roommate. I started reading the book but found it dry and boring. As a junior in college I was struggling greatly in my faith, when that same roommate told me to read a sermon by Cs Lewis called The Weight of Glory (it is available online). That sermon brought me back from nearly losing my faith. If I am not carful I feel myself wanting to assign the reverence that is due to God, to him. Intellectually this seems absurd, but experience proves to me otherwise. To many people who either didn’t have Christ, or had fallen away Cs Lewis has been an instrument of God. But he was also just a man, and men make mistakes. Men do not have the authority of scripture, even the holy ones. I have read every essay of Cs Lewis and nearly his entire volume of Christian writings. In it I have found him to be fallible. It is with great caution (or perhaps pride) that I will now point out the single instance with which I have found disagreement.

There is an essay available online entitled “The World’s Last Night.” In this essay Cs Lewis explains his views on the apocalypse. He starts by addressing people who claim the entire message of Jesus was that of the apocalypse. He states there case as this:

“Say what you like” we shall be told, “the apocalyptic beliefs of the first Christians have been proved to be false. It is clear from the New Testament that they all expected the Second Coming in their own lifetime. Their Master had told them so. He shared, and indeed created, their delusion. He said in so many words, “this generation shall not pass till all these things be done/ And he was wrong. He clearly knew no more about the end of the world than anyone else.”

Cs Lewis goes to call the verse “embarrassing” (I shudder at such a description of the words of Christ)

It is certainly the most embarrassing verse in the Bible.

Cs Lewis then says that it is unreasonable that this verse would be fabricated because it makes Jesus look bad. Furthermore gives evidence to the accuracy of the gospel. But he has not yet answered the argument. When he does he states that Jesus is ignorant, and says although this may sound bad, we just cannot comprehend it. Let me state that again. Cs Lewis in The World’s Last Night calls the Incarnation of God, the Word made flesh ignorant.

The facts, then, are these: that Jesus professed himself (in some sense) ignorant, and within a moment showed that he really was so. To believe in the Incarnation, to believe that he is God, makes it hard to understand how he could be ignorant; but also makes it certain that, if he said he could be ignorant, then ignorant he could really be. For a God who can be ignorant is less baffling than a God who falsely professes ignorance. The answer of theologians is that the God-Man was omniscient as God, and ignorant as Man…We are committing [a] blunder whenever we ask how Christ could be at the same moment ignorant and omniscient, or how he could be the God who neither slumbers nor sleeps while he slept.

Cs Lewis appears to have found a problematic passage, but his solution is problematic because this reasoning could be applied all over the place and lead to a non-authoritative word of God. If this statement is true it means revelation is flawed and we cease to have reason to hold scripture as a standard. The consequences of such are dire, at the very least we are trapped by a suicide of our own thoughts. His answer is not only problematic, it is false.  Cs Lewis knew Greek, and I have a hard time believing that he did not know the word “generation” in Greek could also refer to “race”. I am very puzzled how this conclusion was reached. Cs Lewis was not a biblical scholar and likely did not know that Jewish prophesy is often times fulfilled in part, and then in whole. This is called compenetration. This occurs in 2 Samuel 7 and again in Psalms 2 in which a single prophesy refers to both David and the Messiah. It also occurs in Isaiah 8:3 which uses the word almah, which means with young woman or virgin. There it is used to refer to Isaiah’s wife (a young woman) and then later with regards to Mary (a virgin). So an explanation could be that part of this prophesy was fulfilled in part by the end of that generation, and later all the rest. Whatever the case I found myself in opposition to the Christian giant.

All great things come to a point, like swords, and this essay. And my point here is that regardless of the interpretation, I believe I have shown that even amongst the most celebrated of Christian authors and influences we should not think them infallible or above the authority of scripture. The world may be a very different place if people had taken Sam’s teachings under the same scope.

“What’s the game?” a student asked excitedly.

“Well it’s simple” Travis went on “You are going to flip a coin. If you get a heads you get a candy bar.” Travis revealed a selection of candy bars like Vanna White showing a prize. The boy with glasses eyes the Snickers ready to fend off a resolution rarely see outside of fights to the death and Black Friday shoppers (although to be fair that might be redundant).“Ok I will play.” The boy said as he reached to his pocket for a quarter.

“Oh one other thing. If you get a tails you have to eat this dried Asian crab I picked up from the Asian food market.” The boy turned to the two Chinese girls in the group “You guys eat that!” he cried
Both the girls had marked looks of disgust. “Must be a Filipino thing.” Another student concluded “My mom said they eat raw squid and grasshoppers over there.” Travis waited, but nobody seemed willing to try to win candy at the possibility of having to eat food from the Asian market.

Finally Travis said “A recent report showed that half of all marriages in the US fail today. Marriage is an amazing thing and a great prize, but as we saw nobody was willing to play the game because they could get stuck with a terrible outcome. What I want to say is that it does not have to be a game. It is not chance.” Travis opened his bible and proceeded to lead a bible study on marriage based on Mat 19:6. Travis went on “Marriage is not only an individual contract. It is a covenant before God, and also the community. When me and Michelle were married we signed the marriage document before the church, because we wanted to make it clear that our marriage was not just about up. We are married before God, and before the community which we are to serve.”

Marriage and divorce and the lesson of the Asian crab

I am going to pass on talking about marriage in a UBF sense here. It requires a much fuller and precise document that what I am willing to present here and now. What I want to mention is that something that many people of older generations are saying now, as Travis did is that marriage as an institution is failing. With so many failed marriages it seems like the only conclusion that can be made. With so many broken families and homes in America the point Travis makes really hit home. I can recall that Sunday service featured the same “O tempora! O mores!” message.

This lesson taught me that marriage is not just a chance, it is not just a random event. God does not play dice and neither does your marriage says the lesson of the Asian crab. As an aside, this idea that US marriage is failing as an institution is often used as a justification for the UBF marriage by faith. The problem is that it is a very biased to say increasing divorce means the institution is failing. I will leave the article to a famous statistican I follow. The basis of the argument is that income is strongly, inversely correlated to divorce rate. So if the combined income of you and your spouse is high, you are not likely to divorce, across all age groups and races. Most UBF marriage by faith couples include a doctor, or a nurse, or both and so we should expect UBF marriage by faiths to be generally lasting.

For more information the perseverance of marriage:
http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/marriage-isnt-dead-yet/
For those unfamiliar with this article series here is my introduction: http://www.ubfriends.org/2014/10/03/an-introduction-to-lessons-from-travis/

“What makes a good Christian?”

The room was quiet, after all that was a hard question. The students waited with the expectation that he would answer the question, but he stayed quiet. Finally the boy with glasses said aloud “They give to poor and help people.” He nodded but did not affirm the answer. It seemed he was waiting for a different answer. Finally one of the sisters, Sarah, gave the answer he was looking for “A good Christian reads the bible a lot.” The room seemed to nod in agreement. Travis then went on to make his point:

“A lot of people think that a good Christian memorizes a lot of bible verses, or goes to church to every Sunday, etc. They think these things make you good. But the bible does not say this, the bible says that we have all fallen short and only God can make you good. Those are all good things to do, but they do not make you good. This is called legalism and a lot of people in your life will try to sell you this lie.”

One of the African American students, Kenny, responded “But if you don’t do anything then why does it matter?” Travis responded “The Christian does not believe being good will make God love him, he believes because God loves him he will be made good.”

The Promises of the Gospel

This was perhaps the most important lesson I learned from Travis, and it stuck with me. I can recall a UBF member openly telling me he was “more mature” than me on the basis that he had been in UBF. This man had no idea how God had worked in my life, and I found his hubris a result of the failure to apply this teaching. I think we can be pleased with ourselves, if God can be pleased with his servant than his servant can be pleased with himself. But there is a moment, and in that moment if we do not recall God it quickly turns to pride. Taken with this idea a particularly popular idea in UBF idea some Christians are disciples and others are mere followers. It will be discussed at the next UBF leadership conference, and I suspect Acts 11:26 won’t be mentioned. Entire books could be written on the mistakes in such a conclusion and the problems it presents. As for this lesson I will just remark that a lot of anxiety and pressure is removed when the promises of the gospel are divorced from our efforts alone.

For those unfamiliar with this article series, here is my introduction:

http://www.ubfriends.org/2014/10/03/an-introduction-to-lessons-from-travis/

This is why it has been particularly hard to “disciple” me. Because I have already been “discipled” and not only that but in many cases the new teachings I have received directly contradict the old teachings. We have seen how hard it is to change someone’s mind once it has been settled, especially about people who have been strongly influenced and changed the lives of many.

The truth of the matter is that UBF is right when it says that a personal vested interest of a mature Christian can vastly impact a person’s lives. In fact sometimes it impacts their life so much they fail to see it. Like the grammar we use in our language it becomes so much a part of us that we forget it exists. Like the glass window out of which we view the garden, we know it so well we forget about it.

But then there comes a time where we hear incorrect grammar or a bird crashes into a window and we are jolted to the realization that something is present that was previously forgotten about. For me that something is Travis Peterson. In the following weeks (as time permits) I will share some lessons I have learned from Travis. I will try to have them posted every Friday. Travis was not the only person God used in my life at this time, but his teachings have come to be the most valuable in my time here in UBF.

The author makes no claim as to the exact memory of events, they will be only as he remembers them. Sometimes the lessons will be only stories, other times they may be essays on quotes from him. To many readers these lessons may be well known, to others they may provide examples for your own ministry. At the very least they will give a glimpse into what made me who I am today.

Truly,
Michael Lanier

The concept of Jesus as the Good Shepherd is something that has been common knowledge and generally applied if somewhat intermittently in the last decade that I have been a Christian. I cried to the 23rd Psalm when my father passed away. It always surprises me that the meaning of the scriptures grow with me and my circumstances. The Holy Spirit always reveals new things to me. The first of these was something that seemed so obvious that I always overlooked it, and never realized its importance until today.

Verse 7 says “I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep.” Verse 9 says “I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.” Verse 10 says “I have come so that they may have life.” Verse 14 says “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep.” My point is that the emphasis is on Jesus and further the promises of the gospel are only present through Him. There is no mediator between me and Christ. On one hand this seems like the most obvious thing, but then again it does not play out that way in people’s lives. Many people believe that they need someone to save them, be it their family, their church, their government, their personal shepherd- but the scriptures make it clear that Christ is all that is needed. I have often believed all I needed for a good life was a good degree and a good job. After failing at both of these I decided to settle for Christ, the author and perfecter of my faith, the holy of holies, who before Abraham was, the prince of peace, the son of God himself.

As I prayed on this passage a phrase came to mind. “The metaphor breaks down.” I am not sure why. As I have read the bible God’s relationship to man is often presented using metaphors. Here are all the one’s I have gathered:

• A potter to clay (Jeremiah)
• A building block to a church (1Peter 2, Romans)
• A man to wife (Song of Songs, old testament prophesy describe Israel as a prostitute)
• A father to son (1 John 3)

And finally a man to sheep. All of these metaphors only serve to capture or explain part of God’s love. The caution I received was this- that while a metaphor is helpful to teach, learn, and understand- ultimately to apply- we should caution ourselves from taking it so far that it overreaches its intended meaning. The metaphor given in John 10, of the sheep and Shepherd fail to capture that we are creations of God, and further that we are loved as a son, given freedom as such. The metaphor of the potter to clay along with the metaphor of the building blocks to a church captures that we are creations and that God knows every detail of us as an artist knows his art- but since it is inanimate, this metaphor also fails capture the mercy and justice that God provides his creations. The metaphor of the shepherd says nothing of obedience which is captured by a father and son relationship.

When I read John 10 I learn that Christ the good shepherd protects his flock. He guides them and cares for them. But I must remember that while I am his sheep, I am also his building block, Christ is my true love, I am but clay in his hand, and finally I am his son. The true biblical idea of being a shepherd loses this, but the scripture is far from incomplete as it provides us with numerous other metaphors of God’s goodness. But what does this mean for me? The same thing it always has, I should deny myself as Christ did, love others and above all love God with all my heart mind and soul. He is my maker, my love, my very great reward. My refuge, my father, and finally my Good Shepherd.

10) Gabriel explains how legalism does not work.- Constintine

“You are still trying to buy your way into heaven…how many times have I told you, that’s not the way this works…Everything you have ever done you have done- you have only done for yourself.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-828wM9lpLw&t=1m0s

In the movie Constantine the titular main character committed suicide as a teen. He went to hell for this, but was resuscitated in the ambulance. Having committed a mortal sin he knows he will go to hell, so he attempts to earn his way back by killing demons that he can now see. In this scene he meets the angle Gabriel and she explains that that isn’t going to work.

9) Neo meets the Architect.- The Matrix Reloaded

“You havn’t answered my question.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKpFFD7aX3c&t=1m17s

This scene is probably the “worst” scene from a movie on this list. It is confusing, complicated, and hard to understand after sitting for 2 hours. It is on this list for this quip: “You havn’t answered my question.” Until this time in my life I just thought anything following a question was an answer, and didn’t realize it might not address the question. When people don’t want to accept the question they will often resort to this tactic. It’s a favorite of politicians.

8) Han Solo is frozen.- Star Wars IV, the Empire Strikes Back

“I know.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO-KR-14uXM

In this scene Princess Leia confesses her love for Han Solo and his response is not expected. Instead of saying “I love you too.” He just says “I know.” Which is like the coolest thing anyways could say right there. I am big fan of saying this after being complimented. Responses to this vary.

7) Dr. Manhattan sees a miracle. – Watchmen

“I have longed to witness such an event [miracles] and yet I neglect that in human coupling millions upon millions of cells compete to create life for generation after generation until…finally until your mother loves a man Edward Blake, the Comedian, a man she has every reason to hate and out of that contradiction against unfathomable odds- it’s you. Only you- that emerged to distill so specific a form from all that chaos. It’s like turning air into gold, a miracle.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D7bsf5toMw

In the Watchmen Dr. Manhattan is a man who has nearly limitless power. He can do anything, with the exception of relating to mankind. In this scene he realizes that the woman is the product of a rape. Her mother loves the man who raped her. The miracle Dr. Manhattan sees is life itself. How often do we forget of that miracle?

6) Gabriel tries to make mankind worthy of repentance. – Constintine

“You just to repent and God takes you into his bosom. In all the worlds in all the universe no other creature can make such a boast. It’s not fair. You have a sweet, sweet God who loves you so. And I will make you so…”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi1r8B5INfU

Earlier we saw Gabriel chide Constantine. While she was right about legalism, she believes that mankind will unite and find hope in our suffering and therefore seek out God. She does this by trying to bring the son of Satan into the world.

5) The God Entity explains his intervention in the lives of people. -Futurama

“When you do things right people won’t even be sure you have done anything at all.”

At 17:38 http://www.watchcartoononline.com/futurama-episode-320-godfellas

I actually cheated here. This is from a TV show Futurama. In this episode one of the shows main characters, Bender, gets stuck drifting through space. He is a robot so he is doomed to an eternity of this. A small colony of sentient creatures start growing on him and worship him as God. He tries to answer their prayers and ends up killing them. He does not answer their prayers and they war with each other and kill them. Then Bender meets God while floating through space. His answer is not new, Augustine gives the same answer.

4) Riddick refuses to bow.- The Chronicles of Riddick

“Look I’m not with everyone here.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY7UlwMSBUw

I love this quote “Look I’m not with everyone here.” Many times I feel tempted to try to join to a group or crowd and I remember this quote. Riddick refuses to bow, and for that he is prompted to battle for that right. I think this is generally how it works in day to day life.

3) The Oracle’s conversation with Neo.- The Matrix Reloaded

“What do all men with power want? More power.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixgFi3G_HAs&t=5m30s

Another timely quote from the oracle. I remember this quote when I attempt to understand power hungry people. People want to control their lives. If you are a part of their lives they might even try to control you. Some people don’t have any other reason than greed.

2) Will Smith shows us how to take a test.- Men in Black

“Scrrrreeeeeech!”

This scene affected me early in my life. Will Smith’s character thinks outside of the box to solve a problem. I has always challenged me to do the same and to realize just because something *is* a certain way, does not mean it *has* to stay that way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dijVbM9DpxU&t=1m52s

1) Valerie’s letter- V for Vendetta

“I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An Inch, it is small and it is fragile, but it is the only thing the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you. -Valerie”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2W0-z8EnaM

This is the most powerful scene in a movie I have even witnessed. It is heart breaking. I have often recalled that line “Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one.” No matter how hard he struggle we must never let all of us die. I remember I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I also remember that she loves a person she has never met. This is so powerful to me, to love someone I have never met. It really is a display of the love of Christ.

How have movies affected your life? What movies have powerfully moved you?

My mother Kathy adopted me in 2001. Her and her husband Norman believed they were called to caring for disadvantaged children after seeing a very poor child at the Illinois State Fair being mistreated by a parent. My brother and I were put into foster care after the state removed us from our mother’s care. At the time the state believed that our biological mother Cathy would never relinquish her parental rights. In 2001 she did and Kathy and Norman adopted us. From the start Kathy was overly protective of us. We had never had our mother advocate for us and if we complained even slightly about being mistreated Kathy our raise hell until things were fixed. She wanted to give us the very best life possible since the first decade of our lives were so miserable by comparison. She was very much a “tiger mom”. She pushed me to do the best I could and I was involved in all the activities I could be in at school. When we were younger this was great but as we got older things rapidly changed.

As I entered high school two significant things happened. First my father Norman died and nearly left us homeless. Secondly my brother began to get in all sorts of legal trouble involving drugs and suicide attempts. My mother felt as though I should become Danny’s father. Not literally, but she believed it was my place to discipline him. I was wise enough to see that such a course of action would destroy my relationship with my brother and declined. As she became more and more restrictive on Danny she refused to stop treating us as children. She became overly controlling. She tried to have me diagnosed as obsessive compulsive because I spent all day reading. She would not give me access to a car until I needed one for a job. She would not get me a cell phone until my brother opened an account on one she couldn’t close. She became controlling about my money; not allowing me access to my funds I earned from work because she felt I would spend it on ‘foolish things’. She would not allow us to grow up. In short because she loved us she was overbearing. People I spoke to could not understand. She became abusive, hitting me when I would not obey her commands. The summer before I went to college was the worst. I called the police on her multiple times. Once she took my wallet and would not return it to keep me at home. In another case she grabbed me and I pulled away and she began slapping me. She would go on to steal thousands from me in government benefits on the basis that I “did not know how to control my money wisely.”

When I went to college I was finally free. I loved my time in college and I soon realized that there was life beyond this life that had come to be so terrible. My childhood had been in poverty with absolute freedom. In my later teenage years I had money but was strictly controlled. In college I had food to eat and the freedom to come and go. Summers were the worst. Every summer she would charge me as much money as she could get away with for rent. One summer that was nearly two thousand dollars. These days I barely have a relationship with her. She has more or less disowned my brother and I and I could care less. The woman who saved me kept me in emotional and financial bondage for years. It is worse with my brother who she had labeled with a mental illness he does not have. He cannot get a drivers license. I know what slavery under the guise of help looks like. Any man, woman, or child who attempts to control me as such invites the wrath of a man who was forged in the fires of oppression.

As I start my graduate study next week I remember leaving for college and how excited I was to be free. “You… were called to be free.” I remember leaving my mother’s house to move to St. Louis and how she did not even wish me good luck or good bye. My point is this. I am sure to many of you Dr. Samuel Lee was a great man who saved you. I am sure to many of you he enslaved you. You can be both. My mother was, and I know that good intentions are the best reasons that people come under the yoke of tyranny.

Love that is conditioned on obedience is not love. For it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

1) God has a plan, but it’s unwise to focus on it excessively.

I always find it odd when Christians place such a high taboo on fortune telling and magic, but always talk about “God’s will”. If you are always trying to discover “God’s will” for your life you are trying to divine the future. Jesus rebuked the Jews of his day various times for demanding and searching for signs. Trying to decide what God’s will is is akin to asking what you are doing tomorrow. You might have some idea but you really don’t know, and by the time you do know tomorrow is still a day away. Dwelling on God’s will is dangerous and not practical. It best it is of no consequence and at worst its fortune telling. Therefore I suggested to the man not try to concern himself with if it is God’s plan or not.

2) God’s calling is external and internal.

UBF usually presents the “Shepherd” identity as a special calling you have by virtue of UBF showing up. I once met with an admissions officer of Covenant Theological Seminary. The man asked me “Do you feel called to seminary?” I admitted that I was unsure. His next question was puzzling: “How much do you have in student loans?” I told him I had none, but was unsure why that was related to if I was called or not. As well as I can remember he said “God’s calling is both external and internal. You must have a strong desire to minister, and your conditions must allow you to. Some people come here with seventy-five thousand dollars in student loans and are newly married and want to get a masters in divinity. I always say to those people ‘Do you think that God is making your path straight for this?’” I told him as a doctor he would be in the right place to help minister to many people, but what matters is if he wants to. He must have an internal call, manifested as a desire. I suggested he pray about it, and I told him that what he wanted to do was more important than what others wanted him to do.

3) Know what you are getting into before getting into it.

One thing I emphasized was that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being a campus minister and being a UBF shepherd if you go into it knowing what that entails. I said that many people had become “shepherds” without knowing what that meant. They believed they were doing “God’s work” but really it meant marrying by faith and adhering to a lot of over bearing authority, strange cultural norms, random titles, ect. I referred him to the 6 stages of UBF training slides that UBF produced some time ago. I told him that his “calling” would entail what appeared in these slides. UBF training model

4) There is a season for every activity under the sun

I mentioned that even if he decided to do campus mission that there is a season for campus mission and there is a mission that isn’t for campus mission. Every believer is called to “evangelize” – which simply means to live and speak in such a way that people are pointed to and find out about the good news of Jesus. Not every believer will have the gift of evangelism. Those who are gifted are able to connect with unbelievers in powerful ways and are able to equip other believers who do not have the gift of evangelism to be more effective in their attempts to share their faith (Ephesians 4:11, 12). People with the gift of apostleship will likely have evangelism in the spectrum of gifts, but they are wired to start new works, break new ground, and get movements moving. Teachers may or may not have the gift of evangelism, but are able to open and teach the Word of God in clear, practical, and powerful ways… in the end giftedness simply describes the way the Spirit has empowered us to fulfill the great commission, to be disciples who order our lives in love for God and others, who make disciples (helping unbelievers become believers and helping believers to walk more fully and authentically in the power of the gospel. This is the call on every believer, though we all have different gifts that will give us strengths to carry out that call. Evangelism is not tied to an area. There is no promised land of evangelism. Campus mission is only one place. I told him that many in UBF do campus mission for a while and God calls them away.

5) Being a true Shepherd does not constrict the gospel to a script

The shepherd’s goal is to evangelize and lead others to Christ. If he plans to do this by constricting and limiting his or her efforts to a single, scripted version of Christianity while focusing his or her efforts into a tiny socioeconomic group of students from wealthy families- I feel that the shepherd has sold out his dream of evangelism for a lie. I told the man that I could never get over how I heard people repeatedly pray for raising disciples on affluent college campuses while my students were gunned down, murdered people, and drew weapons on me. I told him that simply donating 1% of your tithe once a year isn’t what the scriptures meant when they said “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” I encouraged the man, that regardless of his acceptance of the title and call for campus ministry he should help the poor and disadvantaged.

I told that if he accepted the title with all this in mind, then there would be no problem with him accepting the title.

What do you think? I know many might disagree with some of the things I said here, others might agree. What would have you have told the man?

“God’s love is conditional upon our obedience.”
Me:”What?”

“We must hate God’s enemies.”
Me: “Are you serious right now?”

Until about a year ago I thought that heresy came in two forms, early first century church heresy involving the divinity of Christ and modern ideas of moral relativity, religious pluralism, and a general denial of miracles. Oh was I mistaken.

What is heresy?

It is important to define heresy first. Heresy is any belief that defies doctrine. The first thing to point out is that all churches have doctrine. Scripture cleaves to doctrine. If you fail to express what your doctrine is you will still have it. A good example of this might be if a church fails to note a doctrine claiming that “All you need is to love Jesus.” A church might view loving Jesus as making disciples and doing bible study and ignore the possibility that the religion our father finds favor with is that which cares for orphans and widows. But heresy isn’t just an ignorance of a belief; it is an actual belief. “We are a discipleship making church, therefore we don’t minister to orphans and widows.” is a heretical statement. A heretic is a baptized believer who believes a heresy. There is a very good reason to take heresy seriously. Since the start of the church what made you Christian has been what you believe. It is the marking of a Christian. Partly in response to the first heresies involving the divinity of Jesus the Council of Nicaea was formed. A major result is the Nicene Creed. Those who believe in the creed are called Christians.

Calling someone a heretic has historically been among the worst labels to have. It ranks slightly above apostate and witch. It is important to note that heretics mean well. Heretics usually fail in one of two ways: it says too much (removing all mystery by explaining the unexplainable) or doesn’t go far enough (failing to maintain the full radicalness of orthodox Christianity and replacing it with a more “applicable” solution). In my first example above the man attempts to remove the radicaliness of the grace of God by making our salvation our work. In the second example he removes the radicalness of the Jesus’ teaching in Mat 5:33-34. Most early Christian heresies on the trinity are examples of explaining the unexplainable.

So what?

To conclude I am sure many of you are thinking “So what?” Isn’t this all just theological fine points that ignore the two great commands of Jesus? Bad theology leads to bad practices. I have seen and heard of bad theology lead to legalism, family abuse, feelings of isolation and loneliness, and even atheism. Good theology must exist because bad theology exists. Bad theology leads to bad practices and bad practices leads to pain, suffering, and sorrow. I might be a little out of my league with this essay. I hope that you might point out any faults you find as I am sure there are many.

How has heresy affected you? How do you deal with it? How do you love the heretic?

Question 1: What does it mean to be “faithful”?

This is a question I had when I studied about Abraham from Romans in UBF. I was confused what the difference between God being faithful, man being faithful, and what it meant to be a “man of faith”. I got varying answers, and I also got the old “Doing UBF activities makes you faithful.” vibe as well. Here is what the pontiff says:

“In the Bible, faith is expressed by the Hebrew word ’emûn?h, derived from the verb ’am?n whose root means “to uphold”. The term ’emûn?h can signify both God’s fidelity and man’s faith. The man of faith gains strength by putting himself in the hands of the God who is faithful. Playing on this double meaning of the word — also found in the corresponding terms in Greek (pistós) and Latin (fidelis) — Saint Cyril of Jerusalem praised the dignity of the Christian who receives God’s own name: both are called “faithful”.[8] As Saint Augustine explains: “Man is faithful when he believes in God and his promises; God is faithful when he grants to man what he has promised”

Question 2: What is “faith”? Can I have faith without actions? Is the physical appearance of faith what God desires?

Here Francis answers the question by dividing faith into two forms. There is the faith which brings salvation and the ecclesial faith. Of the former he says:

“The life of faith, as a filial existence, is the acknowledgment of a primordial and radical gift which upholds our lives. We see this clearly in Saint Paul’s question to the Corinthians: “What have you that you did not receive?” (1 Cor 4:7). This was at the very heart of Paul’s debate with the Pharisees: the issue of whether salvation is attained by faith or by the works of the law. Paul rejects the attitude of those who would consider themselves justified before God on the basis of their own works. Such people, even when they obey the commandments and do good works, are centred on themselves; they fail to realize that goodness comes from God.”

In some sense our faith is personal. After all, we cannot observe if someone does good deeds for their own glory or God’s. This idea of legalism as a byproduct of focusing on one’s self was something I never explicitly connected. Of the ecclesial faith he remarks:

“Faith is necessarily ecclesial; it is professed from within the body of Christ as a concrete communion of believers. It is against this ecclesial backdrop that faith opens the individual Christian towards all others. Christ’s word, once heard, by virtue of its inner power at work in the heart of the Christian, becomes a response, a spoken word, a profession of faith. As Saint Paul puts it: “one believes with the heart … and confesses with the lips” (Rom 10:10). Faith is not a private matter, a completely individualistic notion or a personal opinion: it comes from hearing, and it is meant to find expression in words and to be proclaimed. For “how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without a preacher?” (Rom 10:14). Faith becomes operative in the Christian on the basis of the gift received, the love which attracts our hearts to Christ (cf. Gal 5:6), and enables us to become part of the Church’s great pilgrimage through history until the end of the world. For those who have been transformed in this way, a new way of seeing opens up, faith becomes light for their eyes.”

It is debatable that this ecclesial faith is actually a work. I agree with the pontiff here, and I think that many in UBF preach that this form of faith is faith.

Question 3: Is theology worthwhile? Is too much “head knowledge” bad? Isn’t faith all we need?

This question has been more of an accusation recently. Although it is an accusation which I fear might have some merit. Francis says:

“Since faith is a light, it draws us into itself, inviting us to explore ever more fully the horizon which it illumines, all the better to know the object of our love. Christian theology is born of this desire. Clearly, theology is impossible without faith; it is part of the very process of faith, which seeks an ever deeper understanding of God’s self-disclosure culminating in Christ. It follows that theology is more than simply an effort of human reason to analyze and understand, along the lines of the experimental sciences. God cannot be reduced to an object… Theology thus demands the humility to be “touched” by God, admitting its own limitations before the mystery, while striving to investigate, with the discipline proper to reason, the inexhaustible riches of this mystery…Theology also shares in the ecclesial form of faith; its light is the light of the believing subject which is the Church. This implies, on the one hand, that theology must be at the service of the faith of Christians, that it must work humbly to protect and deepen the faith of everyone, especially ordinary believers.”

Question 4: What can be said about faith and its relation to marriage and family?

It seems self evident that faith must be involved in marriage. The problems with “marriage by faith” are well documented by now. What does Francis say?

“In Abraham’s journey towards the future city, the Letter to the Hebrews mentions the blessing which was passed on from fathers to sons (cf. Heb 11:20-21). The first setting in which faith enlightens the human city is the family. I think first and foremost of the stable union of man and woman in marriage. This union is born of their love, as a sign and presence of God’s own love, and of the acknowledgment and acceptance of the goodness of sexual differentiation, whereby spouses can become one flesh (cf. Gen 2:24) and are enabled to give birth to a new life, a manifestation of the Creator’s goodness, wisdom and loving plan. Grounded in this love, a man and a woman can promise each other mutual love in a gesture which engages their entire lives and mirrors many features of faith. Promising love for ever is possible when we perceive a plan bigger than our own ideas and undertakings, a plan which sustains us and enables us to surrender our future entirely to the one we love. Faith also helps us to grasp in all its depth and richness the begetting of children, as a sign of the love of the Creator who entrusts us with the mystery of a new person. So it was that Sarah, by faith, became a mother, for she trusted in God’s fidelity to his promise (cf. Heb 11:11).”

This letter contains many other amazing passages relating to hope, faith, and suffering. I highly recommend it to everyone:

ENCYCLICAL LETTER
LUMEN FIDEI
OF THE SUPREME PONTIFF
FRANCIS
TO THE BISHOPS PRIESTS AND DEACONS
CONSECRATED PERSONS
AND THE LAY FAITHFUL
ON FAITH.

One lesson of teaching in inner city St. Louis was this: students do not accept your authority by virtue of your position as a teacher. This was very hard for me. My mentor teacher remarked:

“You have a very old school style of teaching. You expect students to do what you say because you are a teacher and you expect them to listen to you. That may have been true 10 years ago but now a days this will not work. With these students you must gain their respect.”

My policy was to not treat them any different and continue to hold my standards high. I might relax on grading, but never on content. This was not accepted by my boss who said I should be playing games with them and “dumbing down the content”. One day a student told me a teacher had asked him about my teaching style. The student remarked “He teaches us like a regular class. If you don’t want to work he does not force you. He expects you to do your work.” My students over the course of the year came to respect me. I have been puzzled as to why, but their exit surveys revealed it was my honesty and consistency. Many teachers tried to fit in with the students to make their lives easier. This seemed not to work. They realized these teachers were “faking” to fit in. Students were used to family members lying and not holding promises but my constancy made them like me. It was not at all what I expected. They hated other teachers making content artificially easy.

This confirms an important truth, relevant to campus ministry in the 21st century that students will not respect until respect is given. This may seem obvious to you, but think of how it sounds when someone is told they have to run a decision though a leader. This is something that is likely only to be done to someone whom that person respects, and if you do something like lie, or tell someone they are going to do something without consulting him- this respect will not be given. It seems very offensive to me that someone could have a say in another man’s marriage when he has known him for a month.

Finally, I want to field an objection. Some people might feel like it is “common sense” to run life choices through their shepherd or chapter director because we do that with our parents. This sounds reasonable, and ignoring the question if we should or should not do that with our parents- we need to ask if that happens today. I know with my parents I barely talk, and I know in America many homes are broken due to divorce. The idea that a college student might run their life choices through their parents is outrageous to many people in my generation. Additionally the advent of the internet has shown many young people of my generation that their parents are many times wrong, and incredibly flawed. It has taught people not to take everything at face value. I can remember my mother telling me Dungeons and Dragons caused mental health issues. I went on Wikipedia and promptly informed her because she was wrong. Effective discipleship to Millennials cannot expect this any longer. If people believe this is biblical (and that is certainly very debatable), or even if they think it ought to be done- they need to realize this type of behavior cannot be assumed. It must be earned by respect.

(The scene is the wedding reception of my roommate Ben. Exactly 77 people are in the room. I know because I set up the tables. About 3/4s look like they are Korean or some kind of Asian. People are sipping on their bottled water. Two men are the front of the room. One is well dressed and incredibly handsome; he has a smile from ear to ear. He has the look a man who has been waiting for this moment for months. The other man is Ben West. The man looks raises his water bottle with a devilish grin and begins speaking in a thunderous voice.)

“I cannot imagine the lapse in good reason that allowed a captive audience and a mic to come into my hand, but seeing as I now have it, I will use this opportunity to be “a great blessing”. For those of you unaware I have been Ben’s roommate for nearly a year. I have learned a great deal from him. We both have a lot in common: we both are analytical, we both practice martial arts, we both prefer our drinks soft not hard. In short he is what we might call a man after my own heart. When I met this man I was highly confused as to who resurrected Anton LaVey, but he slowly grew on me. We have had many adventures, like the time we went to carnival and I got to see him dance. I was concerned why nobody informed me of his epilepsy. Or perhaps the time we went fishing and I won a foot race with a girl to get her email for one to one bible study.

Nothing tops my favorite moment, which came when he discovered I had slowly been transferring all his pencils from his room to my room one by one for months- for no reason whatsoever. One thing I want to share about Ben that you, Rebekah, will find interesting is he has a rather long list of baby names already made. He chose what appears to be the whole 1 Chronicles line up. I expect to shortly see Jephunneh, Pispah, and Eber West. As you all know he plans on having 7 children. He is a quiver full kinda guy. My prayer for Ben is that he names one in the middle something totally normal. Johnson West. Or better yet Kanye. I know everyone over the age of 50, which is like half the room doesn’t remotely understand that. But just know it’s funny. When little Kanye asks why he isn’t a part of any of the biblical genealogy, my suggestion is to tell him “I will tell you when you are older.” And then just to keep the suspense, don’t tell him. On your death Ben he will ask “Why am I named Kanye.” And you will say “Because God answers Michael’s prayers.” And just leave it like that. That is unless you are taken straight to heaven like Enoch because of your great obedience to Jesus’ mission command.

As for Rebekah. My interaction with Rebekah has been quite limited. She is surly a woman of God. When I think about Rebekah the first word that comes to mind is “Kind”. She has a kind heart like Jesus. She is quick to forgive and forget. She is a devoted bible teacher and I have nothing but kind wishes for her and her home. This toast is surely to you Ben and Rebekah. I hope one day you can attend my wedding. I hope you got me a wedding card as good the one I got you. It’s a secret to you. But just make sure you open it and not Rebekah.

Let me pray

God abundantly bless these two coworkers as they start their new house church. Use this Abraham and Sarah of Faith to pioneer any campus you would have them pioneer as they fulfill your world mission command to make American a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. Bless this marriage by faith and use it to your glory. I ask that you raise up many shepherds and bible teachers through one to one bible study and discipleship ministry. In all these things I pray. Amen.

As a follow up to an article I didn’t write I think it only apt to say that Galatians Set Me Free From Legalism was the best article I never wrote. That aside, I brought this up with my friend Steven, a seminary graduate. We had a long conversation about my time in UBF and I discussed how I believed that my chapter supported a legalism that was not in line with Paul’s letter to the Galatians. I did not expect him to disagree with me.

The primary message of the gospel

Steven first mentioned that since the 1960s American evangelicalism has phrased the primary message of the gospel as “Jesus saves you from legalism.” He said it’s a major topic and on a whole different page from Paul’s intended meaning in Galatians, but he said there is a very real question we have to ask as a missionary “What do we first communicate to new believers?” He said in China saying “Jesus saves you from legalism” does not really mean anything, and so organizations like Cru have struggled. He said the message of gospel is phrased as “Jesus saves you from sin and death.” He goes onto say that this is usually how the message of Galatians is given. This sounded very familiar. In fact I can quote:

“I read Galatians dozens of times since 1980. I knew it was about freedom. I assumed it proclaimed freedom from sin.”

This is primarily the eastern approach to the gospel. I am not qualified to say which one is “right”, or even if one is “right” and one is “wrong”. But what I will say is that this explains to me immediately why UBF is mostly unsuccessful. They are preaching a gospel message that to anyone who has grown up in an evangelical church (such as me) appears contradictory at best and heretical at worst. I am not sure how exactly to solve this problem, I think writing articles for fine websites such as this one is a start.

The new perspective on Paul

Steven said that there was a current movement called “The new perspective on Paul” and it challenges the modern evangelical view, and beyond that Protestantism itself. The old perspective, as a more wizened man than I said:

“The freedom Paul spoke of was freedom from legalism–the idea that you must add or do something else in addition to believing in Jesus in order to be saved and to be regarded and welcomed as a complete Christian of good standing in the church.”

This view traces back to Martin Luther, who looked at the Catholic Church in the 15th century and saw a list of indulgences and said that this was clearly legalism. But the New Perspective asked an interesting question “Is what Martin Luther saw in the 15th century as legalism the same as what a 1st century Paul saw in the Judaizers? What was the problem with the Judaizers?” The thesis was that the problem with Judaizers was not that works justified them, but that works made them Jewish, and being Jewish justified them. Paul saw the law as a badge of the covenant. Luther understood Galatians 3:24 to illustrate the second use of the law. The new perspective says Paul envisioned the law as a custodian for the Jews until the birth of Christ but Luther reversed the argument to assert that the law is a disciplinarian for everyone.

Luther holds, as most Protestants do, that the law crushes our self righteousness and leads to Christ. Therefore, the law becomes God’s moral imperative having been written on our hearts. Stendhal, the author of the new perspective, accuses western thought of adding a level of introspection and self guilt onto Paul’s message. It seems that this introspection is largely a byproduct of St. Augustine’s Platonic roots. We might go so far to accuse western Christianity to be “Platonic Christianity”. Protestant reformers read Paul’s statements about faith and works, law and gospel, Jews and Gentiles “in the framework of late medieval piety” and the law became associated with legalism. “Where Paul was concerned about the possibility for Gentiles to be included in the messianic community, his statements are now read as answers to the quest for assurance about man’s salvation out of a common human predicament”.

What about UBF?

So does UBF (or at least its leadership) stand condemned under Galatians? Would Paul have opposed top UBF leaders to their face? Under the traditional perspective of Paul it seems as though it certainly does. Ubf may not actually believe they are being justified by their works, but they are communicating it their actions by defining spiritual growth as the list of things Ben Toh presented.

The question that follows is this- Does UBF stand condemned under the message of Galatians under the New Perspective? This idea that being Jewish saves you and the idea that you need to be Korean, or at least Koreanized, came to mind. Does UBF inadvertently teach in its actions that you need to be like a Korean to be saved? Certainly.

Native people are encouraged to marry by faith native Koreans. Second generation Koreans are encouraged to marry by faith other second generation Koreans. This would not be evidence to my claim if marriage wasn’t orchestrated and facilitated by UBF. When someone is married by faith the church teaches that the person introduced is “godly” so by always introducing someone to a Korean they are implying that Koreans are “godly”. Other examples I can cite include Korean chapters being unwilling to work with the native ministry and a high level of unwillingness to allow native leaders to lead. There is also explicitly taught ideas such as American Christians are “lukewarm” and “Sunday only”, Americans being “selfish”, and that America needs to become a “Kingdom of Priests and a holy nation” despite the fact that there are more Christians in America than Koreans in the world.

I doubt that anything related to either perspective of Paul will be discussed at the staff conference on Galatians. It is most likely that I am just not trained enough to see their wisdom. Whatever the case I hope that UBF can learn to present the message of the gospel in such a way that it does not clash with American evangelicalism. My time in UBF recently can be summarized as such:

“When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter in front of them all, “You are a Jew, yet you live like a Gentile and not like a Jew. How is it, then, that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs?”

Another major good point of UBF is its emphasis on bible reading. I have read all of the Old Testament and the gospels since I joined the St. Louis chapter. Many other churches and denominations take the bible as a tool to create doctrine. Then they forget about the bible itself. I think that creating a doctrine using the bible is something that any church cannot get away from. Scripture cleaves to doctrine. It happens whether they want it to or not, but UBF maintains a strong tradition of bible reading. Occasionally the text itself is misinterpreted because it is attempting to exist apart from solid theology but that is a topic for a longer easy than this.

Another thing I enjoy is the frequent use of prayer. My roommate in college always said “Prayer should be a comma, not a period.” I observed that in churches I would attend with my family and even in his own church this was the case. You would pray at the end of service and that was it. But at all the UBF chapters I have attended prayer has been integral. We pray before during and after the service. Before we drive anywhere, before we eat. Prayer is a very important aspect of the Christian experience that is lost many times. UBF, in my experience, keeps it a priority.

The last major point I will mention is UBF’s strong emphasis on community. In nearly all the churches I attended prior to UBF I never knew anyone. We all came in, heard the sermon and left. But in UBF the members get to know each other very well. I know details about all the families in my chapter that would not be known except by close family friends. I know if I was ever stuck in Springfield and needed anything John lee would be there in a moment. Sometimes this leads to gossiping, but I can see this is my own family as well. UBF chapters are truly a “family”. I have noted this across all three chapters I have attended. UBF leaders sacrifice a lot of time and truly take you in as their own. It is one reason why they are so vehemently opposed to anything that might bring you away from them. I read a note a few months back that came from Samuel Lee “Female sheep must be treated as your daughters.” I have enjoyed this strong community aspect, and I know that many issues with UBF stem from this exact positive aspect. If you need examples you aren’t looking hard enough.

These are the many positive things I have observed about UBF. This is not the full story; again I will say I mention only the positives. I feel that sometime we have a tendency to look only at what needs changed. I think most of the bad things in UBF come from sinful corruptions of the good things I mention above. But we should expect this, evil has no real material to work with it is just good gone astray. Our adversary took the good men God created and led them to rebel. This is not a defense, just an observation. I pray that the good of UBF would be evident and not overshadowed by the negative. I hope that we would have balanced dialog in this matter.

But this is supposed to be a book review of Rest Unleashed: The Raven Narratives. The first half of his book is a retelling of the story of Esau and his rediscovery of the gospel that had been presented in the light of mission. I was a little surprised to find a Catholic dismiss St. Thomas Aquinas division of old testament law, but besides that nothing truly surprised me about Brian’s discovery. It is the same gospel I have always known. I guess I was more surprised that this had to be a revelation. I know I have been given a lot in the way of correct teaching, but this passage of his book made me realize how blessed I have been with a correct view of the gospel. I thought it was amazing that someone could read the whole bible and miss fundamental beliefs of our Lord’s message such as grace, glory, salvation, and peace.

The second part of the book was the author’s life testimony. When I first read claims from the author about UBF I spoke with John Lee, the pastor from Springfield. John Lee said the Brian had a bad experience pioneering Detroit. I could feel that John lee truly felt sorry for the situation. He said “He was trying to pioneer Detroit, Michael. He felt like he wasn’t receiving any support. I cannot imagine trying to pioneer Detroit.” Brian’s life testimony seemed to confirm this. I realized that Brian had always felt something was off or wrong, but he dismissed it. Eventually God shocked him to this truth. The thing he was missing was a loving, graceful Christ- free from legalism. Sometimes the only way God can reach someone is through pain. But it is for the better.

The part I enjoyed most about the book was how God led him to his wife though a very intricate plot. I won’t spoil the story but it deserves to be told (and dare I say- replicated) again and again. I know Brian felt like what happened was unfair to his wife, and he would know better than I would. But I found the story amusing and I took pleasure in seeing how he got around the system.

I encourage everyone to buy and read Brian’s book. It contains much more than I have mentioned. I recently spoke to a UBF missionary from Chicago who said that Brian was good for UBF because he “keeps us honest”. I doubt this is the official UBF position. As a concluding remark, both books I have read by former UBF members tell a similar story. They speak of a person who had UBF coming to them at a low point in their life- just when they needed purpose. In both cases UBF provided them with a purpose, but there is a season for everything and eventually the UBF season ended. Just like this review now ends.

Paul’s letter to the Galatians concludes that we must boast not in our works, or even in the marks on our body but in Christ. Let us boast of our savior. I thought it interesting that it was not said that Peter “believed” that justification came from works in addition to our faith. But that he acted as if it did. Paul says “When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter in front of all of them ‘You are a Jew, yet you live like gentile and not like a Jew. How is it then that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs?” Peter putting an undue emphasis on circumcision added to the gospel without realizing it. Similarly if we put undue emphasis on fishing, 1-1 bible study, going to campus, restricting dating among singles, marriage by faith, testimony writing, preparing bible study notes, message training, using ‘one word’, raising disciples, attending all bible conferences, addressing people with titles, or running all major life choices through our personal shepherd and obeying his directive in all aspects we add to the gospel, which as Paul states “is no gospel at all”. The Christian who does such things truly deserves to be fed to lions. Paul says “let him be eternally condemned”.

The more I consider myself the more I realize legalism is a natural bent for myself. Legalism is very attractive because it makes the gospel readily obtainable and manageable. If I am attending church every Sunday and never missing bible study I can say to myself “I am justified.” But our gospel is not so obtainable, because it is already obtained for us. The works we do not make us good, the good in us- which is Christ- makes us good. I spoke to my Muslim student last week. A student had asked her about her head scarf and she said she was required to wear it. I asked “I thought the Koran gave no law. It says to be modest and that is why you wear it.” She agreed and tried to invite me to her mosque. She explained that if we prayed 7 times a day and attended mosque faithfully we would be given “a mark” that would save us. I realized this is how many Christians view the gospel, but it is not gospel at all.

Some Christians may counter this claim by citing passages were Jesus allows some of his followers to go because they did not want to worship him. We may as easily concluding that it is correct to doubt God when Christ said “God why have you forsaken me.” God can doubt God, Christ can turn us over to our sinful desires. But I am moved by Paul “Am I now trying to win the approval of men of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Paul’s last comment in his letter is for us not to stop doing good. We cannot use our justification as a reason not to do works. Undue pressure produces outward fruit, but never inward fruit, which is what our Lord desires. He does not want works, but the person who on his account wants to do them. How could our God need anything? He has everything. He has everything except our love and devotion until we give it to him.

My natural bent for legalism must recognize this and with the Holy Spirit I must be transformed by constantly turning my back on the world for his sake. All those who disobey Paul’s words on legalism prove them. The law of God is eternal; it is the same 24 hours a day for all people who have ever or will ever live. People who attempt to justify themselves with the law fail and they end up in misery. The testimonies of Ben Toh, Andrew Martin, Brian Karcher and others speak to this. Ben Toh recently said “Reading and studying Galatians in 2009 set me free—28 years after becoming a Christian.” It may take 29 years, but legalism is as unfulfilling as air. It does not feed us. My prayer is that I will never fall to legalism. I pray that I always recognize that I am blessed first, and that any good about me comes from Christ. I pray that I will not be swayed by false teachers. In all these things I pray. Amen.

Being a missionary

I did not feel like a missionary, as I said in part 1. But while I was there I made sure that I did not try to impose my culture on the students. For me this meant first and foremost that I did not insist on English only. I was assigned a translator. In some bible studies she requested that the students speak in English but I had to be very insistent in telling them to speak freely. Many students were very shy to meet me. I could not understand the tone of the Tagalog but my translator informed me that the presiders were shy to introduce me. I tried to be as open as possible and to speak with all of them. One student refused to look at me as I tried to introduce myself. In America I would have taken this as a call to forcefully introduce myself, possibly with a lot of sarcasm. In this case I didn’t say anything. Later the girl approached me and introduced herself. She was very open in speaking with me for the duration of the conference. The first message was given in English, but the second one was mostly in Tagalog.

Joy

The message in English was given by Timothy. His spoke on John 17, Jesus’ prayer for his disciples. The primary message was Jesus prays for us, and his intercession brings about joy. The sermon was given extemporaneously. He used notes and cited Old Testament verses as needed. It differed from Easter conference in major ways.

The messages given by Americans at Camp Joatta for my conference were very analytical. They were rooted in explanation and argumentation. The message was essentially an appeal to logic; it was a sermon from logos. The messages given by native Koreans were rooted in obedience, loyalty, and discipleship. The message was essentially an appeal to authority of the speaker as a elder messenger of God; it was sermon from ethos. But the message I heard was rooted in emotion; it was a sermon from pathos. His main message can be summarized by the psalmist “What is man, that thou art mindful of him?” This was the same thing I thought as I saw the earth depart from me as I flew to the Philippines. From the sky you could not even tell that people existed, they were too small. Who am I that the creator of the heavens and the earth became man so that I might become like God?

He spoke that the “J” in “Joy” stood for Jesus. Indeed Jesus brings Joy and the joy of the students and people there was contagious. There was no excessive feeling of guilt that many Easter celebrations bring with it. He said that sin destroys the joy that Christ gives us. The message was very inspiring because the modern world has nearly equated sin with virtue. They speak of “forbidden fruit” as though it is something that we ought to have. Sin, rather than bring us joy, actively destroys it!

The success of the Philippines UBF

The Easter Conference had 93 in attendance. I wondered openly how this had happened. Why was it that the Philippines UBF so successful. My chapter has in St. Louis has produced 1 long staying disciple in 7 years. My chapter in Springfield has, by my count, 3 three in the past 4 years. But the Philippines had dozens. Most of the members in attendance had been in the Philippines UBF for more than 2 years. I discovered that the UBF chapter didn’t use the UBF daily bread book. They said to use it was to “put God in a box”. This sentiment was expressed equally about nearly every “rule” that UBF has. Dr. William said that it was our job to guide people and let God choose for them their role in the church. Students wanted to take an active part in the church and there were facilitated by the leadership there. Your role was never chosen for you.

That being said there were very typical UBF influences. “Shepherd” and “shepherdess” were common. Interestingly these were not titles that were required to be used such as in traditional UBF chapters. However, they were still used even though some current UBF chapters don’t use them at all such as Springfield UBF. For various reasons I determined the title was honorary, it was not “earned”. In this way UBF Philippines was not stratified and competitive in nature. It was not a competitive discipleship ministry. Dr. William explained he did not want a mega church. He said he was soon sending out a family of 8 to start a new chapter.

I have observed that some UBF chapters are unsuccessful for 2 reasons. First they are very legalistic, and manipulative. They only present one option for people in the church and therefore exert a lot of control over their members. This was not present in the Philippines UBF; everything was done with grace, love and freedom. The second way I have observed them fail is with regards to the policy on marriage by faith. It seems that traditional Korean marriage practices of arranged marriage were brought with UBF and justified with certain proof texts taken out of context. Korean leaders therefore see their cultural norm as a divine imperative. This shotgun style engagement and forceful nature is not present here. Traditional Filipino courtship is the norm. Courtship usually takes at least a few years. Marriage is not seen as a tool to build missionaries either. Students are free to date, but it is usually discouraged. The traditional courtship is modified in a Christian light. People who are considering being married are introduced in a similar manner as traditional UBF chapters. But then the leaders are mostly absent for the rest of the period. The courtship period is a testing ground to decide if it is God’s will to be married. Leaders do not cancel weddings and families are very involved. Because of an absence of law in favor of grace, and an absence of the UBF marriage by faith policy, UBF Philippines has been very successful.

Closing remarks

I will not go into every detail of my trip. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. Maybe one day I will include a part 4, it is possible I will write a follow up. God’s work in the Philippines has changed my life in remarkable ways. I have decided I will go back as soon as I can, even at the expense of going to Europe. As one student told me “God is good…All the time.”

The 9th Beatitude

The poverty was something I don’t think I ever got used to. There were dozens of people walking everywhere. The city was not zoned so every spot that was vacant was turned into a makeshift house. Electrical wiring hung precariously. The Philippines reminded me of that scene from Going to America; the city looked like 1980’s metro Africa. Nothing could have prepared me for the state of their bible house. Their bible house was essentially two half houses connected with a board and covered with an open roof. This meant no amount of air conditioning would cool this place. There were no washers or dryers. Coworkers slept on a sheet on the ground. I was shocked at this place, but what shocked me more was that everyone was happier than I have ever seen. It is true, “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” They would have seen redder roses than I would have seen, and greener grass- had there been any grass to see. All the areas that could have grass were just dirt. I was astonished at their attitude towards life. Most of the people there wore clothing that appeared to have been fashionable several years ago in America. It seemed cross training shoes were absent. Shoes there seemed to be a thin and most comparable to slippers. Despite it all I never once heard anyone complain.

More Fun

The tagline for tourism in the Philippines is the titular “It’s more fun in the Philippines.” The students there would use it sarcastically. When we arrived at the resort there was a man urinating on the side wall of the resort in board daylight with several people all walking around him. I was shocked and laughed at this, when someone said “It’s more fun in the Philippines.” A day later I was walking to my room and a lizard crawled up the wall besides me. I asked if this was normal and the girl said “It’s more fun in the Philippines.” The whole tone of the conference itself could be described in this way “It’s more fun in the Philippines.” Nothing was mandatory. The schedule was set but you could have done nothing and nobody would have mentioned it to you. Friday’s schedule included a message after breakfast, then bible study. After bible study was socialization for a few hours until lunch. After lunch was music practice and free time. After dinner there was dance night. Different groups preformed dances and skits. Some of these were Christian and others were not. I saw a traditional Filipino dance. Saturday’s schedule was dance cardio before breakfast, a message after breakfast, group bible study, socialization and free time until lunch, after lunch there was music practice until dinner, after dinner there was life testimony sharing and music. The two presiders could not in any culture be said to have taken their role seriously. They joked the whole time in introducing people and everyone loved them. When they said “God is good.” You could see them glowing. It was an abrupt change from anything I have ever seen in American UBF, and “It was very good.”

The purpose of Bible study

The bible studies were very different from my home chapter, or even the chapter of the second gen I started under. When I sat down with her to study the bible I was confused. I asked her where the questionnaire was. She said there was no questionnaire. I asked her what we were going to study. She asked me what I wanted to study. The bible study was very 1 to 1, in the sense that we were on equal grounds. Although the students there seemed shy and in some cases differential to me, in bible study they spoke confidently about the gospel that gave them life.

We jumped around the bible as I explained how Christian virtues are only virtues when held under unfavorable conditions. I said that Christ can be said to love us because he loved us when he had every reason not to. Because there was no questionnaire to steer the direction of the conversation the bible study felt more organic and more real. I was not constantly on guard against questions that desired answers out of context.

Another thing I learned from the bible study is that the Shepherdess was very unfamiliar with the Old Testament. This struck me as odd at first. Later that night I had a different student leading bible study question me about what John had meant when he called us “Children of God” in 1 John. I spoke with Dr. William Altobar regarding this. It seemed to me that unqualified students were leading bible studies. He said that “Bible studies are there to build relationships between students so they can experience God.” I realized from this that I had taken up unknowingly that the purpose of bible studies was to learn about God. But in the Philippines, it was to experience God. It is important to note, but hard to see that if we have any good about us it come from God, we are like mirrors reflecting his glory.

Students are led to Christ in the Philippines by the outpouring of the Holy Spirit though students facilitated God’s word. In some sense I wonder what is best. I think that traditional UBF chapters led by native Koreans use the bible study to pass on teaching of obedience and loyalty though bible study. Traditionally it seems American protestant bible study try to pass on knowledge of the scripture though bible study. But the bible studies with Hope seemed as though she wanted to testify about Christ. No matter what we started talking about the conversation would end talking about Christ and his work in her life. Sometimes it became irritating to me. I wanted to talk about theology and she wanted to talk about Christ. The correct choice seems obvious.

In part 3 I will discuss what I learned though the messages, and the success of UBF in the Philippines.

I went to the Philippines because I was invited by a student named Rem. I spoke with her on facebook and she invited me to “see God’s work in Phil”. At first I was unsure, due to multiple factors. First I was certain I could not afford the trip, but then I received my income tax return and suddenly found myself with an extra $1000. Secondly, I was unsure if I had enough time off from work. God provided, I had exactly enough sick days combined with a day off for Good Friday to visit. Fourth, I did not want to miss my own Easter conference for theirs, but as luck would have it our conference was a weekend before. Finally, I had told my pastor that I would attend the European conference. This plane ticket would be so expensive that I would not be able to attend both. The day after Rem invited me Paul mentioned that he would pay half of the ticket to Europe. That Saturday I bought the ticket.

God’s will

I told my pastor Paul that night that I had been invited. It is a joke that I know everyone in UBF due to the internet. Paul is consistently confused how I know so many people, and I am constantly confused how he does not understand how the internet works. When I mentioned I had been invited he smiled and said “it would be good if you attended. We should pray.” This was what I expected him to say. Many months prior Paul had suggested that I go to Brazil this summer. I was excited about this. He said he would pray, and he said he would contact Brazil UBF. He never did. I kept asking about it and he kept saying “If it’s God’s will it will happen.” About a month later he changed the story up on me. Now I ought to go to Korea as a short term missionary. I was a little confused, but realized I would be going nowhere without his blessing. That December I spoke with Mark V. He said there would be a short term missionary form that would appear online in early 2014. When this was posted I mentioned it again to Paul. He said that he would bring me to Korea and accompany me for 2 weeks. This was not what I had in mind. Then he dropped the topic and I never heard about it again. I spoke with a missionary and explained that I might spend the summer in Korea, but I explained that Paul might not want me to go. He said “He might want to catch you more.”

I then realized what had happened. Paul wanted to train me as my roommate’s replacement when he was married (Mark Yang told me this directly in February) and this meant I needed to be with him here; me going abroad was not conducive to his plan. Paul would not tell me “No.” he would just say “We will pray.” Then he would do nothing to facilitate this plan. When nothing came of it, the reasoning would be that it was not God’s plan. That Sunday he told the table at lunch that I had been invited, and I mentioned I was going. He said “If its God’s plan.” I responded “Well the plane ticket it nonrefundable, so it better be God’s plan.” He said “What?! You bought the ticket? I thought you were going to pray like Jesus.” I told him I had. All he could say for the next 45 minutes was “That is good.” As if he was trying to convince himself.

My Chapter’s reaction

My chapter’s reaction was very interesting. My roommate thought that Paul was trying to do damage control for “the ignominy of you going around him”. I had told one missionary and I explained the above story of Paul’s inconsistent response to my desire to go abroad. She said “We all learn obedience to God in time.” Other missionaries were very excited and showed only positive enthusiasm for my trip. The universal response was initially confusion “Who invited you?” They all seemed very confused that a student could invite me. Then they seemed at ease when I mentioned I had been in contact with Dr. Ben Toh and Dr. William Altobar. But they then seemed confused how I knew either of them. I mentioned that I knew them from this website and from Facebook.

Paul’s Blessing

Although Paul was initially stunned at my rashness, he became very supportive. He purchased a hotel room in Tokyo for my layover. The Monday after I bought the ticket he said at bible study he would “talk to Dr. Ben Toh” and that he would “officially send me out.” It was at this moment that I realized something very important. Paul saw me as a missionary. His definition of missionary meant anyone visiting a foreign country for some Christian purpose. I did not see myself as such; I had just been invited as a guest. Since Paul believed this to be a mission trip, this made me a missionary and missionary is a title. I realized that Paul’s reluctance to send me out before was because I had not been “trained” enough to be a missionary. This all came later, but it underscores a major issue in UBF. That with native Korean leaders there is this air of unspoken rules combined with obedience mixed with poor communication. Paul remained busy hosting our Easter conference. About 5 minutes after our Easter Conference Sunday he asked that I say a few words. He asked why I was going and I explained that I had been invited. I was going to present my life testimony and testify about the grace of God in my life. Two days later I departed from America for the first time in my life. Paul called Ben Toh that morning and then things got interesting.

In part 2 I will discuss my trip and God’s work in the Philippines.

My name is Michael Lanier. I am a 23 year old math teacher in inner city St. Louis. I graduated from SIUE last may. I was introduced to UBF through my brother’s doctor John Lee. I was born and raised in Springfield, adopted out of a broken home with my brother when I was 10. My father had passed away when I was 4. My brother would frequently get into street fights and break his hand. The second (third?) time this happened his doctor John Lee invited him to church. I have never been to a bible conference. I have never presided. I have never delivered a Sunday message. I have never married by faith. In fact I purchased this book to know more about married life in UBF. The marriage question has been at the forefront of discussions with nearly everyone I know about UBF. Yes, UBF marriages tend to last, but are they fulfilling? The answer seemed unattainable from missionaries and leaders. This is who I am. This is why I bought his book.

As for the book- it is the story of the consequences of putting ministry over family. This was of genuine importance to me. Mr. Martin states “Family must come first over ministry.” (his emphasis, not mine). 1 Timothy chapter 3 agrees “If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good! But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife…He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect” 1 Tim 3:1-4 Later in the book he mentions a pastor who actually stepped down from a larger church because he saw that the eventuality would be the destruction of his marriage. The consequence of this are family problems and eventually divorce.

Another major point Mr. Martin makes repeatedly is that his divorce was for the better. I agree, but I got the keen impression that he was really really trying to convince people of this. Perhaps it is that divorce is so common in my generation that I hardly blinked at the notion. Paul gives abandonment as a valid reason for divorce (1 Corinthians 7:15), and Mr. Martin mentions at least a half dozen attempts he tried to reconcile. His (now ex) wife refused.

The second half of the book recounts the events after his divorce– his reconciliation with his children, and God leading him to an amazing woman named Cora. They met through Genesis study thousands of miles apart! The book concluded with his return to UBF and his complete and utter rejection. The book comes full circle at this point.

One last point I ought to make is this. Mr. Martin makes his intentions clear up front. He does not mean his book to be an attack on UBF. He does this by changing names. The only name he mentions is Sarah Barry. He speaks well of her at this point. My last remark is one I feel he would agree with; that his story cannot be generalized to everyone. The answer to my question on marriage that I gained from this book was such: if God has granted you a beautiful family, perhaps you are called to be a “shepherd” to them first. Perhaps you are not called to be a bible teacher to others before your own family. Paul says in first Corinthians chapter 12 that we are not all called to be teachers. Perhaps this is what he meant by that.

As a personal note to conclude, I have always wanted to write something for this website. I love writing! Recently I was accused of “cult like thinking”. I decided I would rather not write after that. The reason I wrote this is because Mr. Martin himself asked me. I believe that God called me to read this; I am unsure what he thinks of my writing. I know I have not done it proper justice. The story of Cora is too beautiful for me to adequately describe. I am a mathematician at heart– not a poet. It was truly God’s work.

My hope is that his story will move you as it moved me, it will teach you as it taught me, it will reveal to you that nothing can be resurrected unless it first dies. When our world ends, then and only then do we see as Christ saw, feel as Christ felt, die as Christ died on Calvary all those years ago.

“Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”