I felt so loved at UBF when I talked to or interacted with almost anyone other than my local Pastor.

You had a problem with me and so you made everyone angry at me

I could not talk to you about my problems

you would just get mad and not listen

so I did not talk to you

I could talk to anyone else in the Church

but not the Pastor

And then one day I had to leave because I did not agree with someone spiritually older than you. I suppose it was because I interpreted the Bible about a single passage. They told me I could not disrespect my elders.

I think I know why you would not listen

because you think the older never has to listen to the younger

that is why there is more hope for a fool than you

because you are wiser in your own eyes than everyone younger than you

I wish you had more hope than a fool

I wish we could be friends

I loved my UBF

I felt loved by everyone but the Pastor

Then he told them I must be fixed

But fixing me made me worse

because my Pastor broke me

He taught those below him we should not date

but pray to God

that God will send the right person

I prayed to God and thought I found someone

I did not date like he said

I followed the directions the way I thought he meant

But he did not mean what he said

There was secret knowledge reserved for the elite which I was not yet privy to, because I was not old enough. He really meant UBF has a system by which other people will find you a spouse. If I was told that in the beginning I could have obeyed but I was not considered old enough to know. But how could I have known if you did not tell me?

I obeyed what I was told

I was punished with brokenness

because I did not obey the secret rule

I was not told

because I was not old enough

So really Pastor it is not my fault that our chapter of UBF is at risk of being shut down. It is yours because you have the key to the esoteric knowledge of God’s will and you will not share it with those younger than you. You think they are too young to understand, they are too young to understand what they are not told. But you are too old to understand what you were told not old and senile but proud that you are older than everyone else so you will not listen.

If you just told them how people really get married they would not be angry at you for not telling them until it is too late. If UBF put it on their own website people would not have to read it on slanderous websites. There would be nothing slanderous about it because you would not have deceived them. A man cannot be guilty of the crime of hiding evidence when he put the evidence on the Church website for all to see.

I do not think most ex-members are angry that you arrange marriages so much as that you hide that you arrange marriages and promote it as the only way to please God best. Do not be a lamp hidden in a basket to block the light for if the light that is in you is darkness how dark will that darkness be?

When you will not share your light with the flock because you do not want them to know your secret rules the light that should come out of you is like darkness hidden within you and how dark is that darkness.

Put on the UBF website that you believe in practicing arranged marriage or matchmaking or whatever you want to call it but do not call it marriage by faith without explaining what that really means. If you don’t do this, Pastor it will be your fault when the Church doors are closed because you are spiritually too old to listen to the flock and they are too spiritually young to be told the truth about what you really mean.

People are not kicking Muslims off campus for forbidding dating they say openly it is “against our religion”. But when you keep your rules secret to the young so that the young cannot obey them, when the young have broken hearts because you broke their spirit, they ask a stronger man to break down your Church doors.

I want to cry

because I can see the flock no more

because the Pastor said I was bad

But now I want to cry even more

because the Pastor broke the pen

and scattered the sheep abroad

to be eaten by ravenous wolves

I never asked the University to ban UBF. But people are asking because you do not tell the truth. And there I was loved and felt loved except by you Pastor and I am sad that not only do I lose access to the flock but now they are harmed more because you have banned them from campus against my will.

Suggestions for the Committee

First, that the UBF Ethics Committee should officially announce a policy that we are allowed to read material even if part of it is critical of UBF. 

Generally speaking organizations that are cults forbid people from reading material that criticizes their group and organizations that are not cults do not make such a prohibition.  Allowing people to read such material as an official policy would suggest to the public that UBF is not a cult.  And if UBF wants to improve, members should be willing to listen to criticism so they know areas that they should improve in. How can someone be serious about making reform when they will not listen to suggestions for how to reform?

Second, that UBF Ethics Committee should officially reject the “pastor’s permission” policy.

I heard that the Ethics Committee was considering ethics based on a document labeled “Code of Ethics for Pastors by the National Association of Evangelicals” Although there are many good points in that document, I disagree with one statement, “Do not recruit parishioners from a previous church without permission from the pastor. Avoid interfering in the ministry of a previous congregation.”

If I understand that statement correctly we should not recruit Jehovah Witnesses without their pastors permission

If we refuse to recruit Jehovah Witnesses without permission from the Pastor we are doing them a disfavor. Jehovah Witnesses are taught to be afraid to read information critical of their group. They are stuck in their group and afraid to leave even though that means they have to refuse blood-transfusions in order to stay in their group, which may cost them or their children their lives.  Refusing to share critical information with someone or recruit them because you do not have their Pastor’s permission can be cruelty in such cases.

Will they take me seriously?

I hope the ethics committee will take these suggestions seriously.  Although I do not know if they still are looking into that code of ethics or if that is old.

If UBF takes my suggestions seriously, then there will be an easy way to contact UBF for ethics suggestions listed on the website in an easy to find place. And UBF will officially announce a policy, in an easy to find place, that we can read material critical of UBF without sinning and that we should not be punished by those in higher authority positions for such an action.

And finally, if UBF listens to me, they will unadopt or will not adopt any policy of not recruiting from outside organizations without a pastors permission. I think UBF should not make policies just so they get endorsements from groups like NAE. Instead, UBF ought to decide their policies on their own merit independent of peer pressure to get endorsements from organizations.