1. Make Disciples
2. Spiritual Mentoring
3. Shepherding

These are three different topics, and yet the Toledo ubf class just lumps them in all together. Why? Well because they cannot just be honest and say “We practice the harmful shepherding theology that ICOC and others have renounced back in the 70’s.”

The class also makes no mention of arranged marriage. When are they going to create an honest membership class? When will they tell young students what plans they really have for them?

You cannot do this to young adults!

Class 6: Discipleship and Mentoring

A. Discipleship
1) Important Purpose of the Church (Mt 28:19-20)
2) What is a disciple?
3) Why is discipleship important?
4) How to be a disciple?

B. How to Make Disciples / Spiritual Mentoring or Shepherding
1) A relationship within the body of Christ in which both mentor and mentee seek to grow
in the faith and knowledge of Christ.
2) Christians are responsible for specific members (Ac 20:28)
3) Mentor Role (aka. Shepherd)
4) Mentee Role (aka. Sheep)
5) Mentor / Mentee Relationships

So then, do they know what they are doing? As you point, out, they do not realize how harmful UBFism is.

However, they know what is happening.

“I realized that UBF literally does not know that they do these things. – See more at: http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/09/19/missionaries-must-nurture-relationships-part-2/#comment-19529

If this was 1976, and if this was the first crisis/reform situation at UBF, I might agree with you (maybe). But now there is no excuse. They do know they do these things.

Many, many people have told them what they are doing. The same leaders are in charge of ubf in 2015 as was 30 or 40 or 50 years ago. The same people.

A healthy, reasonable person eventually sees the reality around them and starts to as why. Why are so many people hurt and leaving our group?

But the top leaders at ubf do not ask such questions. They are in denial. We are not dealing with healthy, sane people who question what they are doing. We are dealing with pathological narcissists. Instead of questioning UBFism based on thousands of facts, they will arrogantly drive the group into the ground, clinging to their pride to the last day.

Instead of questioning UBFism, some are adding more and more Christian paint onto it. Look at what Toledo ubf is doing:

They created a membership class with a membership application.

I would NEVER sign such crap! So to be a member of Toledo ubf, I would now have to agree to that list of hogwash? They just took UBFism and painted it up nicely with Christian words.

This seems to be so basic, elementary, foundational and fundamental to being a Christian!

But as you put so aptly, “The carelessness and lack of self-appraisal is appalling and dangerous, not to mention really sorrowful, considering how many educated people we have in our ministry.” – See more at: http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/09/19/missionaries-must-nurture-relationships-part-2/#comment-19529

It reminds me of a saying quoted by churches who can’t see their blind spots and who keep insisting that they are doing just fine. (It’s the troublemakers who are causing trouble!) Carly Fiorina also quoted this about politicians. I’m paraphrasing, but it goes something like “a fish swimming in dirty water for a long time has no idea that the water is dirty.”

Not to say every church is perfect but:

Just in a few months visiting another church, i’ve seen
-A pastor make for dang sure that no one thinks he’s attained Christ’s example, but is like all of us seeking for his place and role at all times
-A ministry that seriously thinks that one transformed life is worth the effort of involving positive like minded people to help something simply so that God will work
-A ministry committed to “safe space” training so that all volunteers and staff who oversee children understand the risks involved and the potential problems that can come from abuse or even simple mistakes in the care of young people
-And still works in their own way to teach the Bible in relevant ways weekly, support local families in need, do community service projects and even support a local ministry in the city as well as one in Guatemala

It can be done, if there is a will.

One thing I told others that was painful to think much less explain is that so many people in UBF (and I don’t think intentionally, they don’t know what they do, literally) created an idol that looked like me, talked like me, and was me. When I stepped outside the bounds expected for the idol, there was a vacuum of understanding. I was punished verbally (and physically, though not with beatings or anything) with that idol.

Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. These words are not just, “O, I’ll pretend like they don’t know, so I can forgive.” I realized that UBF literally does not know that they do these things. The carelessness and lack of self-appraisal is appalling and dangerous, not to mention really sorrowful, considering how many educated people we have in our ministry.

It came from Dr. Lee–did he know he was being made into an idol? Was it intentional? Was it well intentioned but mistaken? Mother Barry too, God grant her peace. Her life has been set up as an idol, where zealots punish and humiliate themselves to mask how far from her example they’ve gone. Did they realize the kind of idolatry of self they were propagating? Or was it made around them by an ignorant, well-intentioned, but easily corruptible church body? Such a movement is difficult to detach oneself from.

Let’s just say I had to detach myself from it at any cost. I couldn’t change the atmosphere and I didn’t want my children or friends to be caught up in it.

Very good point.

“Surely there have been good things done by the group. I do not deny the genuine spiritual awakening that took place while at the group. I do not deny the stories of the individuals at the group who are indeed working to change the ministry for the better. But that is not the focus of this book. Any good that can come out of UBF, for many of us former members, is tainted with the cultic control of our identities. Anything good we experience is poisoned with fear. Our genuine spiritual growth is stained with pain. And our adult formative years are stunted with the bastardization of our cultural and generational identity.”

Identity Snatchers: Exposing a Korean Bible Cult, pg 28

Yes of course. That is at the heart of what makes UBFism work. You have to find new students who don’t know the dark side of UBFism, so you can deceive and indoctrinate them. It is a classic cultic control mechanism:

“In the future, this personal shepherd will work with the chapter director to arrange the student’s marriage. Above all, the shepherd’s job is to keep the student (called a sheep) in the hierarchal system of shepherds. This hierarchy and control mechanism is called spiritual order by the group. This idea of spiritual order is similar to the classic multi-level marketing strategy of recruiting. UBF might be called a spiritual Ponzi scheme. As such, the structure of the UBF organization is constantly falling apart. Every 10 years or so, the system faces a crisis situation during which time many members leave. Every few years, the shepherds have to start all over with finding a new student as the scheme repeatedly falls apart.”

Identity Snatchers: Exposing a Korean Bible Cult, pg 23

You wrote, “…there needs to be a serious paradigm shift. Everyone knows it, but no one wants to talk about it.” – See more at: http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/09/19/missionaries-must-nurture-relationships-part-2/#comment-19496

I agree that there absolutely needs to be a major “serious paradigm shift.” I also more or less agree that “no one wants to talk about it.” Though some do, yet never in any public discourse but in some “inner circles” where mere mortals are not privy to.

But I do wonder if “everyone knows it,” because it seems that some among the old guard are determined to keep the UBF legacies, traditions, methodologies and so-called core values as non-negotiables, even at the cost of the vast majority of people–such as yourself and countless others–leaving.

I’ve even heard some murmurings to the effect of “let all those who do not like UBF leave. Then we can start over with the most pure-hearted among us who want to keep UBF the way God originally intended.”

I left last May after having some very serious conversations with ministry leaders in KC. I felt that if I continued to attend and serve (for me they were one and the same) I could not but advocate for serious changes in the UBF structure, and I could not do that without causing division among people I love. There are a number of specific things I may try to post on UBFriends at a time that seems more suitable.

I was in UBF from August 2001 through May 2015. I served a message at my first conference and served in some way at every conference I ever attended, and had been sharing in the message serving, eating fellowships and campus activities since 2005.

My departure has been difficult, as I was not able to see “eye to eye” with really anyone in our ministry. Most have accepted my decision as it stands, and it’s difficult that the few who really understand are here at this website, aside from a few exceptions. Things have been sad and happy. A family who left our ministry in the past invited me to their home bible study in the summer. I have been attending a wonderful church in Kansas City and healing a lot, learning the truth about the church. My children are happy to attend with us together, and they have made amazing accomodations for my son who has autism, and have made amazing ways to help him get some of the bible teaching and experiences other children are getting. Overall, I feel that maybe I’m learning the joy of Mary, who got to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen and learn and be filled. My wife continues to serve and we do our best to support one another as much as we can. We also got to a point where we needed to move, and now there is a little distance between us and the local chapter, which has relieved some of the pressure.

In time I’ll write up some important details about my departure, perhaps something like Joe and Kevin have shared here. For now however, as I mentioned above, I am a little concerned that my comments could be taken wrong and certain individuals close to me might get punished or abused, so I’m waiting for an opportune time.

Overall, I don’t tell anyone not to go to UBF, but there are many cautions people need to be aware of. There are so many good people who make the ministry (really any ministry) usable by God, but as Kevin has been mentioning in these posts, there needs to be a serious paradigm shift. Everyone knows it, but no one wants to talk about it.

I think this is the first time I heard of your “decision to leave.” If you don’t mind me asking, when did you leave? How long were you in UBF? What has been your experience with your departure from the ministry?

“Thank and praise God who has given you wisdom and insight to stand before God and preach the gospel in spite of all difficulties!”

Really. Actually.

Your words are full of the gospel and the truth. You are very gentle and affirming in your words, and I applaud you in that, as well as your courage to be frank and open.

For my two bits in response,

None of this is new. The sending church has had so many similar experiences that they are carelessly negligent in following up to prepare missionaries/shepherds/house churches.

It was not taught to you or to many others because the organization has pridefully blinded itself to the positives of other ministries. You were not prepared for working with the church in your community because those who sent you are not prepared to understand or teach it.

There are a great many in the organization around the world who are advocating for these kinds of issues to be addressed (from within the church, I mean) but at best, I can see no possibility of a turn-around for at least 10 years.

Until we see something better, I can’t help but warn anyone in UBF that this cycle is 90% likely to happen to anyone sent out. And I do thank God for those who are wise enough to see this reality and buck the status quo.

Last may I came to a point of decision about how to address these problems, and my own decision was to leave, because as much as I like bucking the status quo, I did not want my family to have to endure the pain, attacks and misunderstandings we would have to go through.

My wife still attends and serves in the ministry, so I doubly appreciate this article, and am thinking of sharing it with her and others in the ministry I love.

After reading this I had to stop and tell you – Thank you, Kevin! THIS is what I was aching for throughout my time in UBF. The isolation I experienced in the mission field was crushing. Completely crushing.

Kevin, you wrote with a similar sentiment in the first part of this series. In effect, you did ignore a relationship with a receiving church, but that is what you were taught and instructed to do, explicity and by example. I often heard house churches and missionaries sharing their difficulties and hardships from a similar perspective. The resulting effect is that there is an appearance of personal failings in ministry. However, and you do touch on this in the article, UBF needs to be called out directly specifically by people like you and Julie, who labored for years under such proud and neglectful teachings and directions on missionary work and churches. I think that the roadblocks and difficulties your family suffered are shared by many in UBF, but it is not due to your own personal failings. 

I’m reminded of those cases, such as in Pittsburg, where the single house church did reach out and have contact with a local church, only to be branded as abandoning UBF mission and not being UBF anymore. 

In this way national staff conferences failed big time! The stage was mostly filled with a few hot shots who produced good numbers and the same old senior staff with the same old messages that were so vague and general. Much stage time was also given to reports by committees that had nothing to do with the work at the local level, introductions of guests from other countries attending the conferences but were not contributing to them besides their physical presence, and advertising more UBF conferences for you to attend at the regional, national, and international levels. Outside guest speakers and book reports were used at the convenience of the senior staff to affirm UBF principles and teachings. Those who were praised seemed to rise up out of the difficulties of lonely house church UBF-land. The rest of the time was “Bible study and testimony writing” which was basically a “figure it out yourselves” approach. However, the questionaires were so simple, unchallenging, and leading that it was already figured out for you in advance without any benefit to you. Testimonies were often filled with the same personal guilt and shame. “I didn’t fish more.” “I neglected my kids.” “I spent too much with my kids.” “My sheep read something on the internet and ran away.” “The devil got my children.” “My sheep ran away and I’m sad.” “I have no members.” “I’m doing something wrong.” “I don’t know how to write or preach a sermon–I repent.” “I don’t read the Bible everyday.” “I didn’t do daily bread.” “I didn’t repent enough.” It’s all about “I” doing something wrong. This wasn’t just at the staff conferences. It was the same in visiting chapters and house churches. For the most part, people don’t know what they’re doing and yet feel guilty for “failing” in ministry and not raising 120 disciples of Jesus at the camps, and an Abraham and Sarah of faith. 

It’s time UBF took responsibility for how they have sent missionaries. Instead we just see UBF leaders continuing to praise themselves for missionary sending at any opportunity (see, KIMNET reports and all of UBF.org). 

??? But many, in fact, did know, especially among the senior staff. Your needs and struggles, in many ways, were similar to other single family house churches. The same needs were expressed to and heard by senior staff and other “senders” many times, for years. In pride, they ignored it and demanded that the house churches repent and push ahead. 

This is why every report praising “Dr. John Jun’s CME in ____” is asinine and ought to be a slap in the face for many. If leadership claim to be unaware of the needs you expressed here, then shame on them. But if they do know and yet don’t address yet, they need to be called out for it and called to accountability for the many families “sent out” without help. By the way, how often is CME even given to non-Korean led chapters. Oh wait, how many non-Korean chapters are there?