Wow! Now that’s escalating things quite a bit… I’m not sure I would use that articulation (maybe I have in the past?).

Given the Robin Williams event however, and the numerous suicides related to ubf, we really should discuss this more deeply. Indeed, many in ubf have taken a vow unto death to be a “holy soldier”. That leads to life/death type thinking that becomes harmful.

The salvation of the world really really does not depend on whether ubf shepherds exist or not. Yes ubf shepherds have at times intervened at just the right moment in young person’s life. But they really need to drop the self aggrandizing act. They are not so important.

“To be, or not to be, that is the question—
Whether ’tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep—
…
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would these Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveler returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all…”

Hamlet is making a choice between suicide and life. That is nearly the extent of the option given by UBF leaders. Unless you are a Shepherd you are not following Jesus and without Jesus you are dead. It is never quite stated that way, but their actions with the man indicated as such. It hasn’t been presented to me in such a way, but I have been prepared to deal with the situation for a time now. So my advice to him was that it is not so much a choice of life and death, but as you said- one of many paths, and someday that path might take you elsewhere. We should know where we are going, we should be told up front what it means to be a ubf “shepherd”, and with that in mind we should know what is gospel and what is a narrow view of the gospel that is preplanned by people who have no authority to control such.

In our part of ubf, a shepherd was a higher-class than bible teacher. In other words, if someone didn’t display enough loyalty and obedience to earn the shepherd title, they were prayed for becoming a “one to one bible teacher”.

Anyone else notice this? Or was it just in our chapter?

Overall, I would simply say “bravo” to your words to your friend. Especially I am glad that you refer to him as “the man”, meaning, you are treating him like the adult he is. So often adults at ubf are treated as “little ones” and children who can’t think for themselves. You’ve provided a bit of fresh air just by doing that.

Here are my principles I generally follow when someone contacts me about ubf:

1. I listen to their story. Often people reach out to me because there was no one who took their concerns seriously at their ubf chapter or because they didn’t feel safe asking their questions.

2. I share my story, if relevant. I point them to my blogs and books if they want to know more about me. I make it clear that I am me, and they are they. My choices were made in my context, and they shouldn’t just follow me.

3. I encourage them to make their own decisions. A ubf sheep is conditioned to not make their own decisions. So I remind them of all the times in Scripture where it is mentioned about our conscience. We need to have our own conscience and to pay attention to how we feel.

4. The bottom line is that I poke into their understanding of the gospel. I ask questions about the gospel, share what I’ve learned about the gospel and point them to numerous non-ubf resources about the Christian gospel.

Side note: I chose the 3 arrow picture for your article, Forests, because for so many years I was trapped by the false dichotomy of “be a shepherd” or not. The “not” was painted as a very bleak picture, so I stumbled blindly, numbly onward. The decision to be a shepherd or not doesn’t have only two choices. There are many choices and as you say, we must understand the scope and consequences of those choices.