We would really benefit from a women’s perspective here! Isabelle’s book was very helpful in that regard.

The Christian parts of ubf are just a cover up, a mask for power mongers like PH and PC to build up a network of power and control and money and assets. The missionary work, for some ubf leaders, is just a facade.

And yes I know this because I was invited to join this business mission network. I was offered a $20,000 limit Visa card, ubf insurance and an instant PhD level published paper on the topic of my choice. All I had to do was sit quietly in Detroit and report my numbers, even if those bible study numbers were with stuffed animals.

I could have joined in this network and lived a good life. But I refused. And that is the story behind the story that sparked my leaving.

As I’ve said before, this arranged marriage is the crown jewel and holy grail of the ubf system. As long as one partner has been trained sufficiently, it is seen as not necessary for the other partner to be fully trained. Sometimes the age of the couple causes the schedule to be adjusted.

What happens then, when one person of the couple is “trained”, that person becomes the controlling factor. The ubf director will talk to the trained person only in regard to important matters. Regardless of the training however, the ubf director always has a favorite in the couple and will exert his will on the couple through whichever partner is deemed “strong and faithful and spiritual”. In that way the director becomes the third person in your marriage. One of the partners then becomes a “spiritual director”.

Rebekah Kim mentions this in her tear-stained letter. Her letter is part of my inspiration for writing my books. Here is a quote where she begins to see trouble in her marriage and learns about the hidden spiritual director idea that is well known among ubf leaders:

“M. James K. did anything and everything he could to earn money to support our family. He worked as a waiter, a janitor, a door-to-door salesman, etc. Meanwhile, our student ministry in Toledo was growing. It was the first American college student ministry in the history of UBF. In the winter of 1977, we held the first American UBF college students’ conference in Toledo. I cooked for three days for 30-40 attendants. At the time, I was four-month’ pregnant with my first child.

After the conference, I was so tired that I felt as if I was going to lose the baby. But I was uneasy and could not rest because of what I had seen and heard days before the conference. In a Toledo Center living room, I had seen M. Samuel Lee looking at a female missionary, and calling her a “hidden spiritual director” with a smile on his face. The missionary smiled shyly in response. “What does ‘hidden spiritual director’ mean?” I wondered.

This incident signified that M. Samuel Lee had a blueprint for the future of the Toledo ministry. Though I didn’t know what the plans were at the time, the ministry was slowly being fashioned according to his design.

The “hidden spiritual director” turned out to be an active informant who functioned as Samuel Lee’s leash on M. James K.. I had to be ostracized.”

http://exubf.blogspot.com/2007/05/rebecca-b-kim.html

Yet these same leaders have no qualms preaching about the sins of everyone on the outside. Here’s a creepy paragraph from a Chicago message on the Ten Commandments given last year.

Sixth, “you shall not murder” (13). This commandment teaches us the sanctity of human life. Human life is valuable, for it is made in the image of God. Murder is motivated by hatred, anger, jealousy, and even immorality. Abortion is murder. This convicts our nation, as more than 40 million babies have been aborted since 1972.

I think Chris shared links to one newly wed woman in a ubf chapter in Korea who was told by the chapter director’s wife to have ABORTIONS TWICE because she should not let having a baby hinder her and her family from serving campus students after her marriage. And she did.

I was told that having abortions in Korea (and likely other Asian countries as well) is “no big deal.” So even after becoming a Christian, having an abortion is “like nothing serious.” I can understand how culture affects our perspective.

Such sins (asking a Christian to have an abortion) are forgivable. But what is much harder to digest is the refusal to publicly acknowledge that this is absolutely wrong, even after acknowledging that it is indeed unbiblical for any Christian to have an abortion.

Forgiving the sins of certain leaders should be so for any and every Christian, which I believe many have already done. But if leaders refuse to acknowledge sin and wrongdoing out of pride, ego, honor and saving face, then it is quite disheartening and causes much disillusionment and discouragement for many.

You wrote: “…this leadership focus and training is in many disingenuous and suffers from the lack of community focused building.”

In ubf, I was taught to aspire to be a leader. Someone who has passion and conviction and discipline who can influence other people and moves them toward certain goals.

But there was little or no understanding of community, of emotional health, of wholeness in interpersonal relationships, of honesty and decency, of friendship, and so on. Everyone just assumed that, if you dedicated yourself to Bible study and disciplemaking and ministry building etc. then everything else would naturally fall into place.

Bad assumption.

This system produces people who obsessively need to depict themselves as leaders, but who lack the character and understanding and relational skills and compelling vision that are necessary to lead.

The result: Proliferation of tiny campus ministries and house churches that have little chance of growing. Hundreds of people who fancy themselves as leaders, with very disciples following them.

KOPAHN theology is unfair and unjust not only to the “native shepherds” who have been trained, but also to the Korean missionaries who got caught up in giving the training. The inherent contradictions of KOPAHN theology create a cyclic, co-dependent system that is difficult to stop. When the dependency is broken finally, it is a painful experience on both sides.

I hope no one is confused on this point: It is the KOPAHN theological system and authority structure that I rail against, not the individual people at ubf.

So while it is probably true that my shepherd and I won’t have much of a relationship going forward, I have already demonstrated several times that my fight is not against him. I have met my shepherd 3 times after leaving ubf in 2011, and hugged him each time and spoke freely and friendly each time. That personal relationship is not the issue for me. We have both forgiven each other and both acknowledge that it’s best we don’t speak for a long while.

The question, Charles, is just as you say: “Where is community / family building apart from fishing and 1:1 training?”

After the six stages, there is nothing planned. Some, like me, take the “pioneering” route. Others become part of the Sunday lecturer rotation. In recent years, ubf leaders have been slapping the label “elder” onto those who already passed the 6 stage training many years ago.

In my experience, your marriage-by-faith photo is the last glorious photo you will take with ubf people. Like the picture in Back to the Future, your life begins to fade away after reaching that glorious pinnacle. Your wedding day is the first day of your decline.

For my wife and I, we pined away slowly facing one trauma after another as our status as absolute, faithful stewards of “God’s mission” decayed into the dreaded, supposedly evil and unspiritual life as “family centered” people.

First came the trauma of my wife getting pregnant in the first few months of marriage. OMG. The shame and guilt my wife endured! My wife was asked “Is this a mistake? or was this planned?” The accusation against us was that we planned to have a child in order to avoid working hard for the upcoming conferences and activities.

Then came the trauma of naming our children. We were already conditioned to get the approval for our life decisions from our shepherds, so we felt we had to get their approval.

Then came the trauma of keeping up meeting attendance while somehow trying to build a family.

Then came the trauma of the guilt-trip placed on us by one family who suddenly decided to “pioneer” another country as missionaries. I stupidly saw this as a chance to rejuvenate our glorious status as a mission-centered house church, so I convinced my wife to sell our house.

Anyway, you get the idea. I suspect there are many reading this who can relate. Please share your story, won’t you?

I think is a good question that isn’t answered satisfactorily. Are people being trained as leaders to end up only as life long recruiters? From what I’ve seen and heard recently, many do not want to accept this. They feel neglected or belittled by being relegated to a recruiter’s position only. So, some see the next stage as Sunday messenger and/or chapter director, as Elder or decision maker. Even among Korean missionaries there is supposedly discontent about this issue and so some have moved on to run their own chapters so as to go to that next level.

I also am discovering that this is one reason why some missionaries are afraid of giving the leadership to Americans. At this point, they don’t know what they would do otherwise. Will Americans neglect them if put in charge? Who knows what new leadership, American or Korean, will do. They might neglect, they might not. Even under the apostles’ leadership, a group of Hellenistic Jews felt neglected. Anyway, it makes me think that this leadership focus and training is in many disingenuous and suffers from the lack of community focused building. Where is community / family building apart from fishing and 1:1 training?

It is better to just download the PowerPoint yourself from DuPage ubf’s website:

2010 Fishing and Outreach UBF Director Presentation

I also have a copy of this saved and also linked in my Hamster Wheel article.

Beka, I was so sorry to hear about everything you and your family has gone through. It seems God used it for good, and I’m glad.

I was personally touched by AM’s recent book and I think his basic idea is right. That conviction is making me somewhat of a difficult case in KC.

I have said this to Andrew and now I can say to you, I really apologize for not being in any way close, friendly, or supportive of you and your family. You are all loved by me, and I remember the time I spent with you (lol like 1 or 2 days?) when I visited Cincinnati. Please pray for me and my family, that I can be the man God needs me to be, and forgive me for being a non-friend.

By the way, anyone can publish for free at Create Space.

If you or anyone wants to share their stories and don’t want to go through the publishing process, I now offer free Amazon publishing services. I’m not a great spelling/grammar editor but I am willing to publish someone’s book and tben mail you a money order of any profits each month, using my existing publishing account. Just send me a Word document or email with your text.

I always listened to radio preaching and read Christian books, even when in UBF. Maybe they didn’t know so they didn’t demand I stop it. I think this was one way God kept truth in me so that when my friends started telling me things then I listened. Also, my own personal sins kept me coming to God himself for help, so he did his work in me.

Maybe I will write a book about what I have learned in the past 2-3 years.

Steve Hassan’s book “Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves” or other books about mind control are very helpful to understand how these psychological mechanisms work and how dangerous they are.

Thank you for following your calling from God, as we so need your help. Thank you!!

Yes your former husband was caught up in this KOPAHN worldview and shepherding theology. We made many mistakes and there is no excuse. I first told him I felt like beating him up behind the shed for the things he told me he did… For what it’s worth, in talking with your former husband further, his eyes are opened as well, to see how caught up we all were in this abusive system.

We now have to take responsibility for our abusive actions yes. My hope however is that the abusive ubf training system will end and the people at ubf will redeem their ministry for the sake of the people there and because of the gospel Jesus preached.

Thank God for opening my eyes to my ex-husband’s ways (which were inspired by UBF training) so that I demanded him to change, and now we are out of UBF!!!

I can now seek counseling and godly leadership and think clearly again!! Thank you, God!!