I agree, actually my first draft followed Genesis 22 with more analysis. But, after adding and subtracting I was left with more a testimonial. I was inspired to write an article after teaching Genesis 22 to my Bible student and I almost wept in front of him.

I know that there is always a formula to testimony writing in all ministries. I have always had a problem with the “one size fits all” testimony structure. Even if our experiences as students and members of society appear the same the backgrounds are so totally different. Moreover, I believe that God speaks to us through our family, friends, employer, teacher, community etc…in addition to those (spiritual) leaders in a church. I have always believed that – and indeed it gets me into trouble.

As I said in Ben’s article: good/bad/ugly, The testimony is a measure to your faith and spiritual maturing. This is so superficial. So much depends on what someone wants to share and how sincerely they share it. It can be useful however to sit down and just write. Personally, is it so bad to say that one unedited 10+ page testimony is worth more than a dozen 2 page edited testimonies?

One thing that is both sad and funny I will share. When I did arrive in Korea and my chapter held a fall conference within a couple weeks after my arrival I was asked to present a life testimony. At that time I did not want anything altered or censored or changed for the glory of UBF. I was not going to write slandor, I wanted to share a story without what is expressed in this article. My wife can testify for my temper at that time. In reality, nobody wanted to alter anything. They let me present my testimony as it was – Needless to say, I woke up and realized that even in Korea, not all UBF chapters are like what I experienced.

But on a corporate level, I believe you are dreaming :) If ubf showed corporate repentance and the Spirit’s redemptive work at the corporate level, the entire ISBC program would be scrapped in place of the things on your list. That would take a GD who is courageous enough to make tough decisions and to let go of the ubf heritage (which is the gospel way of saving ubf heritage actually). We all know that won’t be happening for decades. If it does happen in some form, it will most likely be because USA ubf splits off from Korea ubf.

* a humble sincere acknowledgment of wrongdoing and abuse by UBF leaders.
* acknowledging that hierarchical authoritarian abuse in UBF has caused her members to not be themselves, and thus creating various degrees of a PTSD-like disorder.
* a ceasing of blaming those who left UBF.
* a genuine welcome of all those who were wounded by UBF, instead of regarding or treating them as sub-Christians.
* a welcome of UBFriends because UBFers, past and present, are finally able to freely speak up openly and honestly (which they could never do so while in UBF), even if they do so messily.
* no hint or attempt to place the blame on the victim.
* no attempt to try to safe face by the perpetrators or the oligarchy.
* UBF taking full responsibility for many grievances over many decades.
* truly regarding restitution, recompense, repentance and reconciliation as central and crucial to the gospel.

Is this possible? Am I dreaming?

By faith, I believe that this day will come sooner or later. I prefer sooner, but that’s not my call.

Source: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: A State-of-the-Science Review (2006) Nemeroff CB, Bremner JD, Foa EB, Mayberg HS, North CS, Stein MB.
Journal of Psychiatric Research, 2006 Feb;40(1):1-21.

Possible Effects on Beliefs, Attitudes and Sense of Self

Depending on the nature of your traumatic experience and how it was caused, you may notice any of the following changes:

-the world feels unsafe, unfair, unpredictable and out of control
sense of separation from the rest of humanity
-loss of autonomy, mobility or freedom
-sense of betrayal, unfairness or mistrust
-self-blame and diminished self-respect
-sense of degradation, humiliation or personal weakness
-indifference, fatalism or cynicism
-guilt or shame about surviving, especially if others did not
-rage, thoughts of revenge, and aggressive impulses (guilt)
-anger at people who have not been affected
-sadness over losses
-spiritual crisis or loss of faith

@Chris, I just have to give a tearfilled, =1 shout out your comment:

“Self-determination is an important element that constitutes life and makes us fully-fledged human beings. Kierkegaard wrote “to be a human is to become, or at least to strive to become, an actualized individual who is self-conscious, self-critical, and self-determined.” In this sense, when UBF directors rob us of our self-determination, they actually rob us of our humanity. I think that’s what hurt us so much.”

Even when we reduce a human organization to a business, your words hold true. I know firsthand that many successful American businesses reward self-determination and making decisions based on your conscience. One company gives you “below average” scores on your job performance reviews if you ask for guidance in decision-making! I have struggled at times in my workplace because I was trained all my adult-formative years to NOT think on my own, being taught “You are not your own man!”, so I wonder, how do I made decisions on my own?

(Sorry for that one)

I’m also beginning to see the workings of a healthy church renovation. It is encouraging to see churches aiming to become healthier. It is also heart-breaking to think, why couldn’t my own church have done that 10 years ago?

It was to be understood as a springboard for an 18 month strategic plan of recreating the whole program. They urged anyone who was interested to get involved in what they called the “renovation team”. Anyone.

They told an allegorical story about a dancer who is prepared and equipped to dance her best at a dance company. She can dance beautifully. But tragically, the floor underneath her breaks during one of her performances. She is crippled and broken. But the dance company blames her for falling and moves on to find a new dancer. They ignore the broken floor. Guess what happens again and again?

This story makes me cry. It is the story of this ubf ministry. God has given each of us what we need to serve him. We have worked hard and well. The church should provide a solid floor for us to dance on. Instead, it is broken and doesn’t support us well. When we fall through it, we are often blamed. But are we doing what needs to be done to fix the floor?

I was so impressed with how this local church deals with the issues of ministry failure. I hope that someday UBF will become wise in the same way.

In my opinion, some older longstanding UBF leaders primarily think of how much they suffered and sacrificed for their sheep, often without realizing that they are imposing rules and regulations on the sheep based on UBF tradition as though they are the Bible itself.

The result is often that people can easily become stunted as a human being in UBF after initial conversion or joy or enlightenment. Then after some years and decades of being in UBF some begin to realize that they were being “programmed, controlled and manipulated” usually by some authoritarian UBF chapter director. Then they become quite angry and upset, feeling as though they had wasted significant years of their precious lives.

I hope that older UBF leaders may begin to realize and acknowledge this. Until then, there will be no exhilarating freedom of the gospel like that of an eagle soaring in the sky (Isa 40:31), but a continual subtle subliminal imposition of oppressive UBF traditions, impositions and expectations.

I can see the overall problem of UBF directors who want to fully direct and control the life of “their” sheep. Not all UBF directors are the same, some do it to a lesser extent, some more subtly and manipulative, some more direct and commanding. But it’s striking how this same behavior pattern of directors is repeatedly reported from so different locations around the world. I believe this is because SL was the role model for such behavior. He was so controlling that he would even prescribe hairstyle, eye surgery, names of children, when to marry whom and when to live together, up to the point of ordering abortions. Therefore I think it’s a bit ironic that some claim things are better in Chicago. Maybe it’s true now, but historically, it was at the “root of all evil” in my eyes. The others just followed the example given by the GD SL.

The result of such controlling and parenting people is that people become other-directed, not self-determined, they do not live on their own and their own conscience, but by the orientation of somebody else and by absolute obedience. As soon as you make a small step towards self-determination and start to make your own decisions, UBF directors notice it and often react drastically. I gave my own example already, where my marriage was cancelled after I made the decision to spend time together with my mother who was visiting me instead of attending an unimportant meeting. The point here was that I made a decision of my own base on my conscience and what I thought was good and right, instead of simply obeying my leader. Some don’t even notice how other-directed they are because they have long given up making their own decisions and only follow the direction of leaders.

Self-determination is an important element that constitutes life and makes us fully-fledged human beings. Kierkegaard wrote “to be a human is to become, or at least to strive to become, an actualized individual who is self-conscious, self-critical, and self-determined.” In this sense, when UBF directors rob us of our self-determination, they actually rob us of our humanity. I think that’s what hurt us so much.

Thanks, joshua, for your genuine heartfelt apology.

This, I believe, is what reconciliation looks like and feels like.

I am touched. Thank you, brothers.

When I prayed and wrote this reflection I did so not to scorn UBF. I wanted to share this online, because it is a recent event that reveals trouble still. Also, it reveals that actions have been made. However, I personally have not been satisfied. Yes, I took matters into my own hands and broke spiritual order by secretly writing to break my bonds. But that has made no difference to your situation and what happened. I have received a few emails since my absense, but not one mentions the truth about your family. I only learned about your story from two brothers. It must be said that if several missionaries and shepherds cannot find common ground and healthy relations then accountability must be brought forward.

I debated to share this or not and expose who ‘gc’ really was. I did so after careful consideration, because in the time that we do return I have prayed to God about overseeing and protecting our family in Canada. Moreover, I believe it is the wrong message to send to peers of serious committed members in addition to young students. The message that we should sacrifice our lives for nothing leaves one dried up. To sacrifice for Christ – that I can try to do. But to sacrifice for the prohibitions of a group of people who may or may not admit you based on human systems – I will surely give up. There is no mercy, there is no justice.

messages used to control, for someone’s purpose (‘stepford wives’ etc):
bible interpretation, that is the test of religion, isn’t it? oh Holy Spirit reveal/correct all the tremendous evils committed by purposeful bible misinterpretations; you alone Lord can be trusted to translate directly into our minds & hearts when we pray; others only if trustworthy may advise but can never be certainly trusted, for God alone is accurate/true/without ulterior motive

& we wonder why recent generations question weekly exposing themselves to questionable theology/human manipulation/false worship; let’s practice true worship in how message is used or let’s abolish evil religion..